Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Kelly, No.

After Dawne’s party last week, Dawne was writing out Thank You cards.  When I looked up my friend’s addresses, I realized that I had forgotten to send Becky a Christmas card this year.  I decided to rectify the situation by sending one with Dawne’s card with the excuse of, “Sorry, I was too busy thinking of myself.”  Dawne then enclosed her card inside of mine, with a post script of “I paid for the stamp.”  Because, she did. 
Becky also received another Thank You note last week for doing all of the planning and executing of her brother’s wedding.  It was clear that her sister-in-law wrote in the card, then handed the card to her brother and said, “Write something nice to Becky.”  Her brother proceeded to write, “There is no way to fully express our gratitude for all that you did for our wedding, so I’m not going to.  Here is a list of things I want for my birthday.”  

Cashier at the Wendy's drive thru: "Is that a wedding dress you're wearing?"
Becky: "Would you believe me if I said I was on my way to my wedding, but I'm stopping for lunch?"

Shana posted this earlier in the week: http://screen.yahoo.com/we-re-not-young-28966610.html
And then Becky shared it with the comment: This settles it. I need to find an Improv Class. Thanks, Shana, for helping me realize what my life was missing.

Jen: Make Tiffany do it with you! I think you guys would be the stars of the group :)
Me: whoa. At first I thought we were kidding, but then I had a wave of OMIGOODNESS!! I wanna (see if I can get through two consecutive lines of improve with Becky without bursting into a fit of giggles)!!
Becky: Found a class in Kirkland (http://www.jetcityimprov.com/classes.php). Your Mondays are now booked.
And that’s how I ended up taking Improv classes…

Rach, Kelly and I commenced with “Bringin’ Back the Fanny Pack” on Friday night, AKA Disney/Universal 2012, AKA Samerica 2013 test run. Before she left, Rach had the following conversation with her mother:

Rach: I bought a fanny pack to wear around Disney.
Rach’s Mom:  No you didn't.
Rach: Oh yes, I did.
Mom: Oh God, Rachel. You're so weird.
Rach: I'm so excited. I feel like nothing can stop me right now.
Mom: Just don't show it to Anders, he'll break up with you.
Rach: Oh I already did.
Mom: Oh God. I think there's something wrong with your water out there. You know they have purses that go across your body and you don't have to hold them. They have designer ones even. I'll send you one.
Rach: I don't need it, I have a fanny pack.
Mom: At least no one will know you down there and you can he rid of it afterward.
Rach: Not a chance, I'm bringing it to Sweden.
Mom: You are so weird.

(PS: My mom said, “Did you bring the one from home or buy a new one?” and My sister said, “When are you going? Do I have time to send you Kevin’s Bear one?” ) And just jumping forward, here is a picture of all of us, with the fanny packs, along with a 16 year old sporting his own fanny pack.  When I asked if we could take a picture of him with us, he turned to his friend and said, “I TOLD you they were cool!”

In the car on the way to the airport:
Kelly: Hey, look! You can't see my new socks!
Rach: Except for right there and I see a bit here. Yes, this is how this trip is going to go.

On our way onto the plane, Rach told me that she has a small sharp scissor in her drawer at work and she accidently jabbed her finger cutting it to the bone.  When I asked about a Band-Aid she looked down and said, “I guess I should have used one; there is a bit of fuzz in there.”

We sat down and I immediately used the chat system on Virgin America to contact Kelly.  In  the meantime, Rach set herself up with the mesh basket in front of her.
Me: I like that you are completely free of a purse (As I see socks, a book, her phone etc all in the mesh puch in front of her.)
Rach: Ohh! Here's another [vomit] bag, we can bring it with us if you don't fill it up!
Me: Oh but a partial fill is okay?

Me: I brought two and a half first aid kits. (giggling)
Rach: As long as you realize that that is ridiculous.

Me: I don't know why I had flower food in my purse.
Rach: You should bring it with you it might be handy.
(ten minutes later)
Rach: Ooh you can give that flower food to that guy with the roses.
Me: I threw it out. It was leaking and I didn't want to have white power all over my hands.
Rach: Just tell them it’s coke.

When we went to get the rental car, they guy asked us if we wanted to wait 25 minutes for the little compact car or just take what was available.  Naturally, I decided not to wait.  As we got into the car Rach said, “Kelly needs to check into this sweet Crown Vic.”

We were talking to the lady on the plane about our trip.
Lady: You’re staying in the valley then.
Me: Oh no.  Cher’s dad said she wasn’t allowed to hang out in the valley.
And Cher ended up getting mugged and ruining her dress. 
Lady: Oh right.  Clueless reference.  Well you can go to Universal City walk they have some places you can go dancing.
Me: Oh! We can loosen up our fanny packs and use them as hoola hoops in the competition!

In the parking lot of our hotel, they had furniture.  Kelly: Pretty fancy lobby.

Sitting in the lobby waiting for a cab:
Kelly (to me): I really like how your phone matches your fanny pack and my phone matches my fanny pack. (looks at Rachel’s non-matching phone/fanny pack combo) Rachel.:(

Last week Kelly and I were in a co-worker’s car on our way to lunch when Logan told us that he went into the bank and asked for 100 dollar coins and then held one up. 
Kelly: Can I have one?
Me: You ask for one, it’s a dollar, Kelly.
Kelly: Fine (and handed him a crumpled up dollar bill in exchange.)
Logan: I don’t need that.
Me: Of course he doesn’t want your sad crumpled bill, he’s dealing in gold doubloons! 

Throughout the weekend, Kelly, perfectly timed, would say, “Can I have one?” and each and every time, I would erupt in a fit of giggles – including on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride when the skeleton pirate is sifting through gold coins… Can I have one?

Rach: My fanny pack is rapidly filling up. I’m going to have to spend some money to make room; I have too many dollars.
Kelly: Can I have one?

When we took a cab back from Universal Friday night, the cab driver wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.  Kelly inquired about his reasoning, but he didn’t quite have a sufficient answer.  As we were exiting the taxi, and I was saying “Thanks!” I heard Kelly say, “Wear a seatbelt!”

We went to breakfast with Minnie and her friends first thing Saturday morning.  The Fairy Godmother appreciated that we inquired about her life.  Geppetto was did not find my sarcasm about “That wooden liar” amusing.  Chip said that he made the meal, and then when we gave him a slow clap, Tigger turned around to slow clap, but realized we were slow clapping Chip and that must be frowned upon because he awkwardly stopped.  Eeyore overheard me asking if he was a boy or a girl and got super embarrassed and sadly walked away.  When we asked Chip about Eeyore, he told us he was a fan of the boys and that’s why he had a pink tail.  Dale sat right down with us and got into the heart of the story.  When I asked Dale if his nose was red because he was a fan of the drink, he picked up the ketchup bottle which Kelly is convinced means that he is indeed into the “sauce.”  I think you could say we enjoyed our breakfast thoroughly.

 Then I ran to get fast passes for Space Mountain and then Kelly requested the Space Orbiter. 

Is this ride called the Arbiter?  (Halo Joke.  Solid.)  

We told Rach that we saw two people at the gym last week that we weren’t really sure if they were male or female.  I looked at Kelly with a raised eyebrow and she said, “If you have to ask…” 
Rach: Do you see a lot of people that you’re not sure about?
Kelly: We’ve seen 4 on this trip… actually, Eeyore makes 5. 

As we were filling time before going lunch, we decided to go on the ship that goes around the river of America’s.  We were hurrying to make it when we heard:
Over the loud speaker: This ship waits for no one!
Crew member on the pier:  but it'll wait for you ladies (then looking at Kelly) Oh look! She's bringing up the anchor.
Crew Member on the ship:  Wow, you’re going to weigh us down with that Anchor.  You're regretting wearing that shirt now huh?

We took some additional “Kelly, No” pictures:

And then later at Universal:

(At the hotel the night before:

Rach: I have you in my phone as “Kelly, Last Name: Tiff’s Friend.”
Kelly: But now you’re going to change it to “Kelly, Last Name: No.”

Me: I can’t believe you’ve never seen Tangled. We should watch it tonight. 
Rach: All curled up around the iPad.
Kelly: I'm going to take a nap.
Rach: Kelly no. You don't take naps at night.

When we went on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, we saw the restaurant inside the ride and thought it was so pretty we thought we should try to get reservations for dinner.  I suggested we wait until after lunch, b/c I had no idea where the Blue Bayou (where we had lunch reservations) was.  Turns out, it was the same place.  Score.  That’s what happens when you take advice from Dawne and Zach on Disney. 

When we first got to Fantasy land, Kelly said she wanted to go on Dumbo.
Me: You gotta really want Dumbo, Kelly.
Kelly: It was my favorite movie!
Me: Yeah, but it’s a 40 minute wait to do the same think we did on the Arbiter.  You gotta REALLY want it.
Kelly: Okay fine. Let’s go on the Carousel. 
Which turned out to be her favorite ride… and this might be one of my favorite pictures:

While we were waiting for the parade to start we were fascinated by Tyler the balloon guy with bad posture and his replacement Jesse. 
Kelly:  If I win the lottery I want that job.
Rach: Kelly, no.

Shortly after the parade it got super cold so we naturally headed back to Splash Mountain.  Rach got totally soaked, and then we decided that, given our 5 am wakeup call that morning, we were okay leaving the park at 8:30 and finding food on our way home.  Despite missing the fireworks, it was still a most magical day. 

On Sunday, we went to Universal which, was less awesome than the day before, but was still a fun day.  (It’s so hard to compete with a perfect day.)  We hit all the rides (Rach got soaked again) and then we got some beers and hung out in a fake European courtyard.  There was a guy dressed as a Beefeater that kept walking buy and making funny comments including. “This isn’t Disney, okay,”  Then he went to change and came out without the costume, only this time he said, “I'm on lunch I don't have use the accent anymore.”  His replacement walked by 5 minutes later.

Me: That looks like Sasha Cohen
Rach: You know who that looks like? Sasha Baron Cohen.
Me: I just said that. Man you really don’t want me to be right about things.
Rach: I knew you were saying something but I assumed it wasn't important.

Then we went and got another Beefeater guy to wear a fanny pack.

And The Master Chief (Why weren’t we doing this the whole time!?) 

All too quickly, we were headed back to the airport, and Kelly finally caved to Rach’s demands and sat three deep in the Crown Vic, but only after we realized that I had misjudged the enormity of this vehicle:

And on my list of “this guy” portraits I have number one:

And the other, is just a mental picture of a guy with cut off sleeves, shorts, and no shoes on the phone at LAX.

Kelly: This guy must be from Seattle.
Me: The guy in the plaid?
Kelly: No, but that guy too.  

Me: When I got to Disney, I can’t help but thinking about you guys at every step in the park.
Dawne: Because we go so often.
Me: No.  For example from the moment you walk into Disney, you see all the old posters, the exact same posters you have hanging, only yours are in better frames. 

Monday, April 16, 2012

Bringing Back the Fanny Pack

Around 3 weeks ago, Kelly and I were at lunch. 
Kelly: I think I might want to go to LA at some point.
Me: Let’s go to Disneyland! 

I’m still not sure if she meant that she wanted to go with ME, but we’re going to Disney this weekend with Rach.

Last week, Kelly and I were again at lunch.
Kelly: I’m going to wear a fanny pack to Disney.
Me: Okay.
Kelly: A fanny pack.
Me: Okay. 
Kelly: I really am going to rock a fanny pack. 
Me: Okay. 

Thursday night we met Rach out for Husband Hunt night and Kelly brought up the fanny packs and before long we had planned a lingerie and fanny pack shopping day.  When I came home I saw Zach.

Me: We’re going to wear fanny packs to Disney.
Zach: Okay.
Me: A fanny pack.
Zach: Okay.
Me: A fanny pack.
Zach: Okay.
Me: I really am going to rock a fanny pack. 
Zach: Okay.

When I told Rach, she said, “So he basically did the exact same thing that you did to Kelly.” Ugh! No! It’s COMPLETELY different Rach!

Rick pointed us to a new bar for HHN – We ordered 12 ounce beers instead of 20 ounces (so we could choose another kind if we wanted.)  When the 12 ounce beer arrived however, Rach looked at its miniscule size and said, “I feel like I'm being punished.” 

Thursday night, Nate surprised Dawne by coming home for her birthday party.  Friday was a really productive work day (not that you care about that.)  Dawne was getting ready for her party all week so all of the furniture in the house was moved out, and replaced by tables and chairs and super fun decorations.  It was so nice out that we all went on the boat and it was just a lovely evening.  Saturday morning, it was another gorgeous day, so I went out to the car to get it ready for the first convertible day of the season only to find a foot long slash in the roof top.  (This is my third convertible and previously, I never locked my car with the reasoning that I would rather them just open the door than slash my roof.  But then, after the Halloween party robbery, I just started locking it -- not that there was anything left in my car to take.  Naturally, someone wanted to make me feel good in my decision to leave the car unlocked for the last 10 years.  Thanks!)  I needed to whine, and given that the fam was already out for the day, I called Briana.  I think her exact words were, “That’s what you wanted to complain about?  If I had known that I would have told you that I needed to call you back later.” 

I didn’t want the car to ruin my plans for the day, so I left to pick up Kelly for the Bunny Bar Hop.  I think over 1000 people RSVP’d – I’m not good at numbers, but the two bars we did go to, were pretty packed with people.  There were so many people and costumes to look at, I couldn’t concentrate on a single conversation.  If I was looking for a definition of “Visual Overload” this event was it.  I even saw one dominatrix bunny duo where the chick was a leash – and when she went to talk to someone, he dragged her back by the leash. There was a male spandex zebra bunny (his shoes were a little big, but they were also zebra print.)  I should have taken more pictures for you – I apologize. Either way – it was an experience. 

Then I came home to get ready for Dawne’s birthday.  Super fun.  We all played Calliope Games (you should check out their awesomeness here:  http://www.calliopegames.com/ ) We tried to keep track of our scores on a big board although Lucas told me that he wouldn’t be eligible to win because “I didn’t use my legal name.  L-Dawg!” I’m sure that’s why he didn’t win.    We aren’t sure who paid the 10 grand (http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1613260297/shadowrun-returns) to get Mike to play games with us but we were all pleased to have him around to entertain us.  Here are some snippets of our conversations. 

Mike: I was up early for softball.
Sharon (Mike’s wife): I hear the pitcher was terrible.
Zach: The what?
Sharon: In Vivian’s age group, parents pitch and Mike was pitching this morning.
Zach: He was what?
This is when Sharon realized how silly it was to try to talk to someone in my family about sports. 

We were playing a prototype game with Raymond where you try to guess which thing will completely creep out a person the most.  As Sharon was reading on card in particular – she finished the sentence and then said, “How about [adding a card with] ending a sentence with a preposition.”  Editors are funny.  Becky was reading off some situations and one was having a stroke.  Me: Does that include losing speech?  No brainer, Becky.

Mike: Following porn stars on Twitter is amusing.
Me: The only porn star I know is Ron Jeremy.  Pam – Do you know any porn stars?
Pam: Yup (and listed at least three.)
Mike: That last one is the character, but we’ll take it.  Back in college there was a night where one of the TV stations were going to broadcast two Disney movies.  I think Alice in Wonderland and Pinocchio.  Because my dad was working at a video store, I asked him to send me the porn versions of Alice and Pinocchio.  He put them on one tape and sent them so the tape looked like a blank tape.  When my friends asked me where I got it, I told them the truth.  My Dad sent it to me.”

Mike: Clementine (his 13 year old daughter) designed an Easter Egg hunt for the school in which people got specific colored eggs that they needed to search for and she had all plans drawn up etc. and when I asked what she was doing I started to freak out that she was starting to think like a game designer.  Anything but a game designer. 
Lucas: This isn’t a life I recommend.  J

Before the party, we were trying to clean up so I was finding places for all the game lying around in the cabinets.  When I looked up during the party, Raymond was handing Mike “Plunder.” 
Me (from across the room): Raymond? Did you take that from the cabinet?
Raymond: Yes. 
Me: Yeah.  That game isn’t complete. 
Raymond: Are you sure?
Me (again yelling across the room) Yeah.  I just put that away and I was too lazy to open it up to put the extra bits in.  Let me go get that for you. 

What are the chances of someone taking the ONE game I took a short cut on?

As Becky and Jared were leaving the party, Jordan came over, shook Jared’s hand and said, “It was a pleasure not speaking to you tonight!”

I apologize, because I definitely know that I laughed an awful lot on Saturday night, but I don’t remember at what.  We did wrap up the night watching some Flula – so I’ll just throw some of those in to make up for my lack of memory.

Sunday, the fam played the “Name Three…. Insert country here.” It’s fun but a little bit upsetting. 

On Sunday, I met Rach and Kelly for brunch before shopping.  I randomly chose a place called the Sugar Shack that only took cash or check – and if you were wondering who in 2012 writes checks – Kelly did for 12 dollars.   I also decided last week, after taking that “How many countries have you been to” facebook quiz, that I want to go to South America.  Bonus, now that we have fanny packs, we’re totes ready for our 2013 Samerica trip. 

Rach: Where is the one place you want to go in South America?
Me: Jungle.
Rach: Like the Amazon?
Me: Sure.
Kelly: No.  I don’t want to go to a Jungle.  Have you seen the movie Anaconda?
Rach: Kelly.  No. 
Kelly: What?
Rach: If you had said anything but Anaconda, maybe a documentary, or something you read in National Geographic, I might have been supportive.  But no. 
Kelly: It has J Lo in it!

Replace “today’s date” with “Jungle” and this card totally works.

We went to the Alderwood Mall.  As we were walking across the parking lot…
Rach: Is this JCPenny’s?  It’s different than I remember it.

We were looking at all the amazing fanny packs, and one description said that the fanny pack at the power of a thousand solar panels.  Later, we stopped at the Apple store for an extra iPhone battery pack, but it was expensive and it didn’t look awesome. 

Me: You should just get one of those solar battery chargers.
Rach: Or that fanny pack that has the power of a thousand solar panels.
Me: Oh yeah!  You better ask about what type of adapters that thing has.

Who needs Apple when you have a fanny pack?  

My nephew got in trouble last week for making a kid on his team cry.  Maureen asked him what he said and after a little bit he looked down and finally told me "he kept checking me for no reason, so I told him he had anger issues".

I woke up at 6 am this morning so I could make Mac and Cheese for a co-worker who is recovering from surgery.
Zach: You must really like this co-worker.
Me: Why do you say that?
Zach: I would have just handed them a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese.