Monday, December 28, 2009

Were You Naughty

I trust you all had a lovely holiday.  I didn’t quite get in all of my holiday cheer in time so I am watching the new version of Miracle on 34th Street (the B&W we watch on Thanksgiving so this is a nice full circle) as I recap the whirlwind of last week.  First I’ll jump into my way back machine to last Monday when we drove up from West Palm Beach to Orlando in time for a lil wheel chair action in between rides at Universal.  After getting yelled at as we tried to sneak peeks at the upcoming Harry Potter attraction we hit up the E.T. ride where you can enter your names so that they’ll be repeated back by E.T. himself.  We went with Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comit, Cupid and then Lucas was Blitzberg, the Jewish Reindeer.  As we were leaving one ride I replied to Nate—“What? Heinz 57?” “No, I said its 10:57” I thought it was a new hip thing to say like “Whoa, that was so totally Heinz 57.”  I liked it so much I’m going to try nudge it into sweeping the nation.  Pass it on. 


Oh! I forgot that while in W. Palm Beach, we had the opportunity, had we needed the service, to exchange for cash our guns, swords, and daggers.  Now I’ll know for next time.


Day 2 was a lil Tower of Terror at “Hollywood Studios” which is pretty much always awesome.  We pack
ed in a bunch of rides before Princess Dawne and Princess Tiffany had to catch our pumpkin over to the Bibbity Bobbity Boutique where we brought the average age being sprinkled with fairy dust to about 7.  Don’t worry—I got pictures of the dazzling diva’s that we were transformed into (and yes that is a crown on my face and yes that is pink hair):

We also gave a Royal thank you to the King and Queen that bestowed this honor upon us… which they wore all through the opening of presents. 


After dinner at the castle with our fairy godmother where we were able to watch the fireworks from our royal thrones—we went out for more of the happiest place on earth.   Jordan tried to race Nate to the Pirates of the Caribbean with me in the wheelchair—but Disney puts up these tiny ropes to direct traffic at Parade time.  These same tiny ropes caused us to run over Zach and nearly decapitate me in our efforts to win the race. 


Later, Matty and I tried to foil the system by getting into Space Mountain with the Wheelchair before it closed—but it was Space Mountain that foiled us.  The all powerful space cadets made us wait in the handicap area.  We offered that we could go as single riders seeing as many empty seats were passing us—Space Cadet #2 told us that was “Okay, looks like you’ll be the last ones tonight.”  We didn’t realize he meant it.  He had us stay and wait until everyone else on the line had gone and then told us “careful with the wheelchair—8 out of 10 people roll back on the ramp b/c they don’t lock the chairs.”  Thanks SC#2 for those very precise statistics!


Kyle was very excited Christmas morning.  He told Lisa McDonough “We got presents from Santa even though we were naughty!”  I got to play with Baby Vivian, Cristi’s bundle of adorable this morning at Mo’s house.  I heard she got a baby gate for Christmas… but I don’t *think* she’s had time to be naughty in her very short 7 months. 


Over a game of LIFE, Kyle also learned a big life lesson.  Mo asked the boys a question, and Kyle obediently answered despite his mouthful of hot cocoa.  Maureen explained that perhaps next time one should wait until they have swallowed before answering so that liquid doesn’t flow out ones mouth to dribble onto ones shirt.  I thought it was so funny I had to spit my coffee out… but Kevin was adamant that he “Didn’t think it’s funny at all.” 

Some other random quotes from last week:
(After watching someone open a present that was most definitely not theirs) Kevin: and THAT’S why it’s good to read the label.
Morgan: It’s a box to wear on your head!
Momela: What is it?
Kyle: It’s this thing.
Mo: This is your present that you opened this turn, you have to wait to open the next one.
Kyle: I don’t want that.  I’ll just open this one. 
Kevin: If you’re giving out rooms—I wouldn’t mind having my own, Mom.  (He currently shares with Kyle.)
When Patrick asked who had given Kyle a present, Kyle responded “Elizabeth gave it to me.”  Did I mention that Elizabeth is Patrick’s girlfriend? That’s what I call a “lil squirt.”


Morgan had to go to the emergency room Christmas Morning b/c she accidently pulled down stocking holder off the mantel with her stocking and it wacked her in the head.  Stacey said she needed to go to the hospital b/c she’s a girl and needs to look pretty.  Sean was like “Uh does that mean we wouldn’t go if she was a boy.”   I hear Morgan fought off three adults, refusing to have stitches until they agreed to slap some super glue on it and send her on her way.


Last night we celebrated the Carla moving to Boston.  I learned what the “Three Wiseman” is.. Jim Beam, Jack Daniels and Jose Cuervo.  After avoiding actually finding out what it tastes like I bid the real rock stars adieu with the advice that they could stop drinking at anytime, especially Carla who was the only one who had work this morning.  I only took a teeny tiny bit of satisfaction from Carla’s text which simply said “I should have listened to you last night.”  Just a tiny bit.


I’m sure there was more—but then what would I tell you next week… right?  Happy New Year’s! 

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Given the Boot.

Note: This was written on Sunday night but I couldn’t send it out.  I’ll write a second one for events post Sunday night and get it out to you…eventually.  Consider this “Monday Email 12/21” kthnxbye. 

I got the boot on Thursday.  Literally, I got a boot for my foot.  So I unpacked all of my left shoes which made room for things like sun block (which wasn’t really needed given that I geared with three sweatshirts my entire trip to FL.)  I think I may have mentioned spraining my ankle about a month ago—well it was still hurty, and the top of my other foot had hurt also.  I assumed it was just bruised, and the other foot hurt so much that I didn’t complain about it.  Then I was like, um, I’m going to be walking around Disney, perhaps I should get the other foot x-rayed just in cases.  My doctor scolded me for not seeing an orthopedic guy and sent me to the hospital for x-rays.  The specialist asked for additional x-rays on my other foot and then kept staring at them for something broken—then told me I had actually sprained my left foot and something about tendons, and sprained the top of my right foot—but he still wasn’t ruling out that something might be broken that he couldn’t see.  He wanted to put a cast on the left foot, but since I’ve made it this long in my life, breaking multiple things, and never needing a cast I asked for some alternative solutions… and wa-la! I got the boot on Thursday—just in time to be patted down by security in the airport and hobble around in Florida.  The nurse helping me with boot said she could feel me sighing and saying “You’ve got to be kidding me right?” even though I know I didn’t make any sounds.   I think Dawne is just excited about a wheelchair at Disney so we can scoot to the front of the line—but I’m not being used.  No, not at all.


I told Dawne that Roy wants me to move back to NY and get an apartment with him.  I think I opened up the Roy vs. Dawne debate of 2010 which I think will entirely consist of Dawne calling Roy to sprout the delightfulness that is Seattle, and Roy saying “who is this?”


I hung out with my uncle and cousins the other night.  Someone said to me “You don’t drink that much.  I mean I don’t remember you drinking much at all at Sean and Maureen’s wedding’s.”  I was like “Uh, that’s b/c I was 14 when Sean got married.”  Jennifer, the youngest of 8 kids, works for the sheriff’s department.  She and he sister were having an argument about what constitutes violence.  Jennifer ended the conversation with “Listen, if I punch you—that’s an assault.  If you punch me—that’s a felony.”  What little sibling hasn’t wanted to say those words? (Other than myself of course b/c my siblings always knew me to be fragile and respected that sweet weakness. J )


Speaking of my siblings knowing me well… My brother got me and Dawne appointments at the Bibbity, Bobbity, Boutique.  Ya know, the one for 5 year olds?  I am so excited to be going, and even more excited that Sean knew that Dawne and I would be excited to go.  We’ve been bragging about it so much that Jordan’s cousins are going to join us. We always were trend-setters. 


Zach needed textures for his 3-D projects so Dawne was clicking away.  She got some beautiful shots at the Lion Country Safari—and one adorable picture of an Impala had Luke saying “That is gorgeous.  Makes me want to skin it and put its pelt on my wall.”

(I’m not inserting a card here b/c all searches for “Furry” and “Pelt” were inappropriate and gross.)
I read the Vampire Diaries, now you don’t have to. Yw


Did I mention Janette is moving?  B/c she got an amazing job with those guys that make those super great games like Mafia Wars? And Farmville?  Ya—and now she wants me to start playing games OTHER than Scrabble with Sheelin? 


Annnnnd Merry Christmas!  Here is your holiday dose of inappropriate cards b/c the baby Jesus knows I didn’t send you anything in the mail.


This one is for Marisa…


…and in saying that I mean, I have no respect for you at all.


Happy Birthday to Sean, Kristy, Doreen, Sarah, Marisa and anyone else that has the mis-fortune of competing with Jesus for attention this holiday season!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Travel Hangover


I got rejected from SpeedDating.  Not like the guys rejected me… no, they didn’t even get the opportunity.   While I had a lovely time with Janette and Rach, chillaxing at the bar—there were 20 very attractive ladies and only 10 moderately attractive men.  I suppose the fact that we looked like we were having a wildly good time on our own instead of sitting sadly alone made us prime candidates for the “round 2”.  Round 1, however, lasted two hours so Janette demanded our money back… or at least the ability to reschedule.  When she inquired the second time she saw the chick writing “There are always a couple of whiners…”  so Janette said, “I know we’re whining…” J   That’s how I got rejected from the entity of SpeedDating.  On a simply FABULOUS note, as we walked into the bitter cold I started to say “BRR.”  And then Janette and I, simultaneously and immediately sang “its cold out here.  There must be some Torros in the atmosphere.”  This left Rach flabbergasted—and I, myself, pleased as punch that Janette and I are still so perfectly aligned in our thoughts.  Shame she has to go off and leave me for some great job and awesome boyfriend in a rice-a-roni town. 


Last weekend was the annual O’Brien Christmas Party.  A couple of my friends made the trek into NY for the event… so we all took the trek into NYC to see the lights on Friday night.  I decided to drive down.  We first went to meet up with Sean and his buddy Hammer.  I found parking a block away for only $2.  And then we went from there to a BBQ place, where I found parking 2 blocks away for FREE.  And then, b/c those combined 3 blocks were too cold for my nearest and dearest, we decided to pick up Sean from his concert and do a drive by of the lights.  So basically we got Rock Star parking, for a Rock Star evening, all from the comfort of my parents Rock Star mini-van.  To top it all off, we hung out with “Hammer” for at least an hour and half, and as we were in the car, and Sean was saying something about me, Hammer said “Who’s Tiffany?”  Again, adding to the warm glow of my self-esteem. 


I took Kevin to TRU to pick out his birthday present… he beelined to the DS games… and when we returned home to show off the goods Maureen asked “And where is your DS Kevin?”  Kevin: “I don’t know.”  Details.


Basically the one job my mother gives me for the Christmas Party weekend is “Don’t make a mess.”  Easier said than done.   We took a trip to the mall, and then met up with Sean at the Stadium, and then I had to go down to Sean’s to make my “Tiffetti” pies (could you imagine me trying to bake in my mother’s kitchen at 5pm the day of the party?) and of course. I also demanded that we play Band Hero—specifically Eye of the Tiger.  Someone had cut the connection to the top two drums, which made it a lil more difficult to be successful—but we worked through it.  After I left, Jackie said to Stacey “Man, Aunt Tiffany is basically just a big kid huh?”  Frankly, I can’t believe she just noticed now. 


The party was delightful… I heard about Kenny and Dara going to EPCOT and Dara pulling out a sharpie and writing right on Kenny’s arm “If found, please return to parking lot….”  And now I will make sure I will pack a sharpie tomorrow before I leave for Florida.  Briana told me that on their trip to get a Christmas tree, someone accidently tied all the doors shut and they had to climb in through the hatch back.  And at the end of the night, when 4 ft sump’m Christine couldn’t see a picture on the wall and took it down to take a closer look… Scott yelled “this isn’t a freakin’ grab bag—you can’t just take home whatever you want!”  I know there was more… but if I remembered everything, then it wouldn’t have been all that great of a night … right? 


The roads were icy on Sunday…so we couldn’t get to the Kenny Rogers concert.  Sad face.  Despite the fact that the picture box depicted green flowing arrows on all the road ways, Roy ended up just sitting on the Taconic without moving for 3 hours.  While I received word from Julie “Made it out of NY.  Taconic was the worst.  Lost track of # of accidents we have passed.  Now in PA where roads are maintained in the winter.” 
I got a haircut… I now have bangs.  I asked Luke what he thought and he said “Not a good decision.”  The honesty of teenagers just warms the heart sometimes.


I haven’t seen the show…but that doesn’t mean I haven’t heard the outrage…


I leave for Florida on Thursday.  I’ll try to send out updates in the next two weeks… but I might be sketchy due to all of the crazy fun I’m having.  Happy Holidays—just in case.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Knotty Bodies


I’m headed home to New York this weekend for the Christmas Party (I sure hope you are coming!), which gives me an ever so slight opportunity to insert the latest craze—according to Shana and the New Yorker:
In other chest related news… I went to the Nutcracker yesterday (bare (bear?) with me, the chest part doesn’t come in until the end, and I don’t want this to sound creepy) and I was telling Nate how completely jealous I am of all of the pretty holiday dresses available for little girls and how I wanted them to be my size.  I continuously pointed out dresses that I wanted only to be shut down repeatedly as Nate told me that under no circumstances could I have any of the dresses.  I thought this was particularly harsh and asked him why he was slaying my fashion dreams.  And then he hit me with “Little girl dresses are designed for little girls.  You and your chest would never be accommodated.”  Saaaaaaad face.   I suppose I’m off to Nordstrom’s tonight for a dress that will compete with all that man cleavage. 


Okay fine, not too much cleavage of course… I do want those gents at the speed dating on Wednesday to also notice my pretty blue or green or gray eyes. 


Some people from Chicago were in town over the weekend.  We hit up the Seattle Urban Craft Uprising—which was, to me, the epitome of what Seattle is.  Although Tina warned me that it sounded like just recycled crap made into a hat or fancy handbag, I personally thought the “trash” bags were rather chic.  We also went to Urban Outfitters and got some outfits for the young lady visiting and I kept wondering if I had it in me to be that “hip” seeing as I had never been “hip” before.  Can you just wake up one day and pull off a whole new look?  I figure though, now that we’re in that weird fashion phase that is basically a spin-off of an old lady look, I think I might be time to jump on board.  I should do it quick though… Luke was merciless in his mockery of my cowboy boots yesterday.


In this miserable economy, Janette still seems to be a hot commodity (I know, I can’t even pretend that I am shocked) so I went over to help make a pro-con list on whether or not she should take a job in SF.  I walked into her apartment and explained that “I know when I was making these big life altering, job taking, moving decisions you were an amazing, selfless and supportive friend.  I, however, am NOT a good friend, and I am extremely selfish—but I’ll help you make the list anyway.”  I am nothing, if not forthcoming. 


Kevin was having his birthday party yesterday.  I had already spoken to Mo about it before I spoke to Kevin, so our phone conversation went like this:
K: Guess what we’re doing at my party?
T: I don’t know… what?
K: No… Guess!
T: Oh.. okay… hmmm Musical Chairs?
K: YES!!! Guess what else?
T: hmmm Scavenger Hunt?
K:YES!! WOW!  Can you guess what else??
(you can see where this is going… )

Sean’s Surprise Party was on Friday (Happy Belated AND Early Birthday, Birthday Boy!)


Bailey discovered the video on MSN on Friday… so before Sean’s surprise party started, she put us on video and brought us around to say hi.  My whole office was drinking some homemade Bailey’s… to which Stacey said “It’s only 2 o’clock there.” And we all yelled “Cheers!”


The girls were told to stay in the basement.  Remember when parents used to tell you to stay in the basement during parties… and even though you had everything you could want you spent the whole night trying to figure out how to get yourself upstairs?  Well, I provided that ticket of momentary freedom later when she took Dawne and I upstairs for a tour.  Happy to oblige. J

I can’t believe I can’t remember anything that happened to be before Friday of last week… but wasn’t it AIDS awareness something or other last week? 


I’m hooked on Caramel Brulee Lattes.  I’m inwardly sighing at my bad behavior… thank goodness it’s not going to be a lasting offering. So Bellevue got its first “Knotty Bodies” coffee place two weeks ago.  The drive through bodega down the street was torn down and rebuilt to include heat so that young women could adorn themselves with pushup bras and g-strings and serve the locals hot tasty beverages.  And, for two whole weeks, men would park their cars and line up at the drive thru for more oogling time until the community had an uprising and shut the place down.  I am thoroughly let down—not because I wanted to see the ladies make steamy lattes as men got hot and bothered… I just liked the idea of living in a place that thought “Knotty Bodies” was a cool establishment.  How is it that Seattle can have hundreds of naked bikers out in the summer sun, while 15 miles away we can’t have hottie bodies selling hot drinks? Bellevue, you are a disappointment.  (Remember, Janette, you live in Cool Seattle, not lame Bellevue, so this cannot go on the con list.)

Oddly enough I can’t find a card about serving coffee naked… or riding bikes naked… will this do?


And on that note… Happy Monday folks! 

Monday, November 30, 2009

Black Eye Friday

I think every Thanksgiving in which I make it through the whole day without crying is a raging success.  With that measurement tool—I had a GREAT Turkey day.  There were 40 people at our house for Thanksgiving and I knew at least 60% of them.  For example in this picture: 


I only know 2 people.  In fact one of the women in this picture gave me a lecture about what a Manger was during our “Craft Time” Nativity making project b/c I accidently used Manger and Nativity synonymously.   You knew what I was talking about buddy!   I bet you would like to see some of the results of that creativity wouldn’t you?


 I wonder which one is my team’s.  Maybe it’s the one with the black sheep, drummer boy, mosaic star of David, blue octopus and three Weisman. J Maybe.  

Oooh!  Paisley made these sweeeeet cupcakes… and I’m only going to show you mine b/c it’s the only one I bothered to take a picture of. 


Luckily I did b/c about 20 minutes later Zach used that candle in the background to light my flag on fire. 
Speaking of baked goods… I’m going to write a book.  It’s going to be called I Apply Heat Well: The Art of Baking Without Actually Baking.  I made a new dessert on Thursday, three pies which were completely devoured in a heartbeat.  I realize this is going to be a very small book with lots of pictures, but I think every page will end with “If it starts looking brown, then you’ve cooked it too long and you should just throw it out.”  Look for it on shelves at a bookstore near you! You’ll know it by its clever cover: 


In case you were wondering, I failed to complete my task of finishing all my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving.  I blame this partially on my sister buying my nephews what I was going to get them, and partially on the fact that buying stocking stuffers online is such a bad idea that I forced myself to actually go shopping.  Dawne wanted to hit up the 4 am Black Friday sales after I said “I did that once and I’ll never do it again.”  We successfully got out of it this year b/c we didn’t plan in advance… but I’m pretty sure I’ll be risking my life at a retail shop near you next year.  Something to look forward to. 


We caught the Fabulous Mr. Fox last night… is it possible that George Clooney is even cooler as a fox?  I think I need to re-read all of the Roald Dahl books b/c he is the awesome.  We also started Ally McBeal, and watched Prince & Me and Prince & Me 2 again.  I emphasize again b/c the second Prince & Me was such an insult to anyone who had watched Prince and Me that I cannot believe we had forgotten our outrage and watched it a second time.   Basically all I can really say is that we really entertained Zach and Nate on their trip home!


We also watched the SNL Holiday Special DVD  while putting up the tree this year.  Nothing says Happy Holiday’s like Alec Baldwin’s Schweddy Balls: 

And on that delicious note… I hope you all have a super awesome week!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Break me off a Piece of that... Turkey

So much has happened!  Though it might not be the best-one-i-cous… I think you’ll enjoy the multi-media-cus of this weeks edition… 

I hope you all took the time to watch my bff Al Gore on 30-Rock.  I thought it was particularly hilarious that he took the quote he has plastered all over his book and then said “Like the Old African saying that I made up...”  In case you missed it:

According to Tina Bo Bina, Jacob is actually 35.  Pamela is convinced he’s more like 50.  I am comfortable with 25.  Either way… he is delic… and I don’t feel at all guilty about saying it, or thinking it.

Tina: I wonder if his parents had to sign a release form for this picture.
Shana: Mmmmmm Stairway to Heaven
Rollie: Is that what that’s called?  Lord knows I’ve never seen that before…


New Moon Party was a success… Watching Twilight with Shana as she yelled “SHOT!” every time Bella bit her lip or put her hair behind her ear… took the entertainment level to a whole new level.  I just loved that I was wearing the same exact necklace as Alice… during the movie… b/c I am that cool.  Oh… and Jimmy Kimmel wanted to share a trailer for all of those who haven’t converted yet… (Seriously, you’ll love it even if you aren’t a fan of the movie.)
And if you are a not a Robert Pattison fan (You know I’m not—and it’s not just b/c of this: ), but are a Daniel Radcliff fan… and missed the craze of this video that happened months ago, or just want to enjoy it again… here it is again.
This morning… Tina asked me if I had watched the football game this weekend.  Confused b/c we were just talking about Jacob...  Oh just watch and see:

Rollie was watching it with his parents at dinner and his mom asked “Are they on the same team?”
Okay let’s see, Monday, I got another migraine and had to cancel dance. Tuesday I became best friends with Al Gore. Wednesday was birthday dinner with Matty Matty Simpson. Thursday was my first dance lesson.  Friday, Jason helped me move a kayak up from the shore b/c the water level is rising.  I swear this kayak was heavier than the one I carried the day before.  As we were maneuvering it over the stream I twisted my ankle.  Jason said “At least it wasn’t me this time.”  Then, b/c I didn’t want to be that girl who cancels dance twice in a week, I danced for two hours straight that night.  It was hella hurty on my way home… just touching the clutch made me want to cry.  But at least I learned the Tango and the Cha Cha right?  When I told Sean that I hurt my ankle, he said “I told you that speed dating was dangerous.  You need to slow down.  Did you wear a helmet?”  I assured him that I would, when the time came, wear a helmet so that guys knew right away how special I am.


In all seriousness, that a”Bom”ination that is the new mouse got our wonderful and entertaining Pudgy sick.  We could tell something was wrong, but this morning she looked half dead.  It was so super sad.  Dawne called around to find a vet that would look at her.  When she brought Pudgy in she said “Listen, I know it’s just a 3 dollar mouse, but it’s MY mouse.” The doctor thinks she has pneumonia… I sure hope he can do something… I’m really not happy with Bom right now.  And Thanks, I’ll just assume that you all sent me back this card in response:


Maureen is getting a hotel in the city for her in the boys Wednesday night so that the boys can see the balloons blown the night before and then wake up early and see the parade.  The boys kept saying “Yay! A hotel!” and she kept saying “and we’ll see the parade.”  “Uh huh, ya mom, a hotel! Will there be a pool!!”  Dawne and I gave her instructions to take lots of pictures and footage so that we could do a slide show and feel like we did it with them.  Maureen—This is for realz.  Don’t disappoint. 

Also let me know if you see that Jamaican guy that saved our Thanksgiving.  Oh I should tell that story first.  One year, when I was young, let’s say 7?, my parents took us down to the Parade.  Unfortunately, on the way down there, we got a flat tire.  So, Sean and Mo took me to the parade while my parents found a way to get a new tire.  When we got back, Frita told us how they couldn’t find anyone who was open to help, but then this Jamaican guy showed up and sold him a tire.  Sean and Maureen asked what he looked like and it was determined that it was the same guy that we had seen a couple blocks away jacking up a car and taking a tire off of it.  So we came back to Jefferson Valley, and had dinner with the McDonough’s and when asked to say grace Maureen piped up and said “And thanks to that Jamaican guy who stole that tire for us.  Amen!”


I imagine this might be what our crowd looks like, not discussing health care, but after the result come in from the manger building contest at our Thanksgiving Day.  I’ll save the rest of the Thanksgiving stories until after… Have a good one!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I know b/c he told me.

I know it’s Wednesday—but I this is time sensitive.

We went to go see Al Gore speak last night followed by a book signing.   Hays, Jen and I hung out waiting for the line to get to the end so we could jump on and be one of the last people.  As Hays handed Al Gore his book, Hays said “Thanks for the Hope.”  Next, I handed him my book and said “I loved you in 30-Rock.”  And then Al Gore said “I’m going to be on it again this week!” (me) “Sweet!!” 

And now I’ll have nothing to say on Monday… but at least you didn’t miss a good episode. J