Monday, June 29, 2009

Chewy really is that tall.

Instead of moving to Seattle last Wednesday, I got the opportunity to go to Origins.  It is pure irony that I would take so much joy in making fun of Julia, my super awesome and amazing German cousin, for having to spend 6 weeks in Columbus OH, and then find myself detouring to the great city myself a month or so later.  There’s nothing like a heady dose of a geek fest to remind you that you are back in the game industry.  Truth is, if you’ve never attended one of these conventions, even I don’t think I could fully capture the experience in words, and if you have, well I’m sure you have some of your own images seared into your brain that you’ll never get out. 
Speaking of images, last night we went to “Comfest” in Columbus, an outdoor fair that I’m not sure what it is supposed to celebrate, but I did see more than my fair share of naked breasts.  Granted they were all painted… which made more sense when we passed the “Breasts are Beautiful” booth where they were doing free chest paintings. Honestly, the paint was probably more modest than some of the other outfits walking around.  And no, I didn’t take part Janette.  (J ) I think you know that I’m not even comfortable walking around in my pajamas without a bra.  I found it particularly fun that after a nice convo about tattoos we then saw a young gentleman with “LOVER BOY” in a large arching print across his chiseled abs. I can’t speak for my company, but that sure made me want to jump him.   
While I did stay covered, I still encountered some embarrassing moments.  On two occasions, I decided to tip my glass before the rim touched my lips (could this be some depth perception problem? Hand Mouth Coordination deficiency? Have I forgotten how to use a cup? How does this happen—TWICE?! ) Luckily only Derek saw this so no one else will ever know about it.
The second incident involved a tampon FLYING out of my pocket.  I don’t know how it happened, but again I think only Derek noticed, so no one else will ever know.
The third story was not my shame, but I reserve the right to share any way.  I was standing in the booth when fellow wells expeditioner whispered to me “I need you to do me a favor.  It’s really important. I’m going to turn around and walk away, and then I need you to check out my ass.”  I replied, “I already did, and Yes, you do have a ginormous hole in the back of your jeans.”
Over all, I think a removed moment with a small portion of the folks from Seattle was good for me.  Before I left Jackie and Morgan gave me cards, and when I read Jackie’s I actually started to cry (only to hear Stacey say to Jackie “Don’t you remember the family meeting we just had?  I said NO making Aunt Tiffany cry!”  Honestly I think she gave them an impossible task… but maybe I needed to remember that there is really a life that makes me happy outside of my family… even though it sure is hard to imagine when they are so freakin’ amazing.  (and Sean, that was me mentioning you if you didn’t notice.)
Beyond hearing that at least two people from DC comics are still trying to convince themselves that I am just on vacation... i also got this news:
(!!Can anyone see this card? Someecards changed their site and now embedding images is all wacky, please let me know so I can sufficently entertain you. kthxbye.)

Pack it up and Move it out.

This is a Monday email from last week.  I know I said I would keep sending them, but then life happened and this never got sent.  Maybe you could wait a day and read it later so it’s like we really do keep in touch.  If you wait another day after that, and read it again only adding Did I already tell you this? Then… it will be like you’re actually talking to me. 
I may have mentioned that we were having my parent’s 40th anniversary party last weekend.  Did I also mention I have a tendency to leave things to the last moment?  Did I also mention that I also have a tendency to make myself sick by pushing my limits? 
Oh, Briana decided to let me know about the cookie dough incident after Bails and I made 380 brookies.  I think I used mostly pilsbury though...
Let’s see if I can pull up some highlights from the party weekend, obviously from my perspective as well, because that’s what we have all gathered here today to read right?
My uncle delighted in telling people, after I mentioned what my near future plans are, that he was “still waiting to see when I would reach my full potential.”  He also mentioned, as I was taking a gulp from my red plastic cup of brew, that I would never lose weight you know, if I insisted on drinking alcohol.  Oh, and told me that it’s lonely at the top, and if I ever became successful I wouldn’t have as many friends.  I told him I guess that I’ll never truly be successful in life then will I?  My aunt imparted her own observations that I was not only flighty, but one of the least down to earth people she knows.  With all these loving comments, my confidence was at an all time high.  I think it was approximately 4:12 pm, when I realized I didn’t feel that well.  Follow that up with losing my cookies every ½ hour until around 2am.  Somewhere in the middle of this, on my trip back outside, I realized I had missed all of my sisters speech, most of my brothers, but just in time for my cousin Tommy’s very lengthy speech.  I was then encouraged to take the mic, and given all the flair that being ill gives you, I elegantly got on the “stage,” said “My turn! Give me the mic.”  Followed by the award winning speech; “I LOVE YOU MOM AND DAD!! THERE’S CAKE!” –yup.  I was a speech major.   But none of my rhetoric classes ever explained how to give impromptu speeches while still wiping away the tears from getting sick.  I’ll have to send Prof. Brown a note so he can go back and correct the curriculum.   I think Cindy got it on video folks so don’t worry about not being able to see the history for yourself. 
Oh, and Friday night before the party, someone asked Sean what his wedding song was, and of course he answered “What’s love got to do with it.”  And when my mom’s bff Mary Jo said “Sean! That wasn’t your wedding song!”  He replied, “I know, I know—it was Elton John’s The Bitch is Back.”  Sean went back and told Stace that he though Mary Jo might think that their marriage was on the rocks, and to correct the misconception they needed to make out in front of her.  So, it was to my great amusement, that at around 1 am, my very super blushable brother and sister in law were on the floor in the living room actually on Mary Jo’s feet making out while my uncle’s girlfriend took pictures. CLASSIC.

Hehe, I just realized I spoke at length about the party without ever mentioning my parents.  Um.  They were there too.  I think they had a good time.  J
Okay.  My mom said I need to be completely packed before she gets home... so I better getterdun. 

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

someecards... why have you foresaken me? isn't working.  My hands are shaking with a sort of withdrawal that I previously reserved for mornings without coffee.  And I thought quitting my job had put me into a panic.  There better be a really good card to assuage my unrest when the folks get the site back up and running or else i'll... just have one more thing to whine about. 
 I wonder at what point you stop being proud of your friends.  Not like "You just won the Olympics, I'm so proud of you." but like "That's right, I have super awesome fun friends, don't you wish were as cool as I am?" maybe its when you grow up and stop caring what other people think.  I've not matured that far... so I'll continue to brag about the fact that I manage to hang on to you, and will continue to present you at parties as "My Friend" and then sit back and watch you do your magic while everyone is jealous of how totally cool I am, literally, by association. 
 Camping Trip '09! Eva and I went camping with my sister and her roommate from college in 99, 01 and 02... and then we all reunited this past weekend--with basically the same people only this time there was more rain, and less brushes with death on our way down the Delaware.  As some of you may know, I like to document trips and life into neat quote books that don't necessarily tell you where we went and what we saw, but rather what funny things people said to amuse me.  I believe it's a more interesting memory book than keeping track of mileage. museums and menus.  Wanna hear some of my favorites? 
Mo: Okay, I emptied your cup (On the ground.)
Kevin: Good thing we're in nature!
Mo: Patrick collected everyone's money and then bought the rabbits foot so now you can all share it. 
Kevin: hmm.  I want my money back.
Brett: Nothing is worse than camping in the rain.
T O'B: That's what I said before we even left for this trip.
Evivova: That's what I said when it was raining on my face last night. 
(I maaaaay have forgotten that the tent I gave Eva and Asima to use needed more water proofing before the torrential downpour.)
(On helping to pack up the muddy and wet tents)
Evivova: I don't like to get dirty.
Mo: And we LOVE it so much?
As a friendly reminder, my parents 40th Anniversary Party is on Saturday.  I expect you are all planning on attending come hell or high water (Is that seriously the phrase? b/c I don't think it makes much sense) --and I can't wait to see you!  I was under the impression that I was getting off easy on the to do lists... but now that I've waited until the last minute and actually looked at said lists... I will have some very late nights.  I've enlisted Bails to help bake... and b/c she's under the impression that she loves me or something... I think she might even be excited about working.  What a beautiful thing. 
Stacey likes to refer to my visits to her house as "putting my time in."  Is this how others view time spent with family?  B/c if it is, I think I might be really abnormal. No, that can't be right. 
In other news--I'll be in Seattle on Wednesday... so whatever side of the coast your on... be prepared for my departure and arrival with whatever people do to prepare for losing or gaining such a person as me in their life.  Janette (that's right I mentioned you AGAIN) suggested a "Coming back to town party" ... so I figured I'll just crash whatever Nate's doing for his graduation and turn the attention towards me.  Um... ditto on the anniversary party/T O'B is bouncing, yet again. 
I'm sure there will be more to come...

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Crawl, Walk or Jet.

This email was started yesterday and finished today and I can't be bothered to fix the inconsistencies of writing on two different days so consider this your disclaimer.
So now that I realize that I am not being escorted from the building today (and I had packed up my markers and everything), I guess I could tell you a little bit more about my week so you don't feel denied just b/c I happen to have made a life altering decisions today (see, I can be self-less.)
Now on to talking about me again. 
Last week the biggest "crazy" moment was when I got to work on Tuesday, and around 9:30 am decided I need to fly to Seattle for 24 hours... so I book the flight for later that evening--and perhaps more shockingly, my mother thought it was the most logical decision in the world.  i suppose now, after the fact, leaving my car and clothes and the sign on my door saying "I'll be back." isn't as insane as it looked before. 
Oh, not to say I wasn't an emotional mess.  As many of you heard and saw... especially my father who witnessed me opening a wholesale sized tub of cookie dough, throwing ample amounts into the oven to "warm it up" before topping it off with B&J Cookie Dough ice cream... and when he asked me what I was doing I simply answered "Getting Fat. You in?"
I also tried alcohol.  Starting with a 6 pack on Friday for the Osceola Heights Community Meeting... where I attended solely to make snarky comments, drink, and upload all of Mo's CD's into iTunes.  MISSIONS ACCOMPLISHED.  
Round Two (okay 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7) happened in a lil place called Brooklyn, maybe you've heard of it?  I was thinking on our way back from Brooklyn how awesome New York is in that when I say Brooklyn I really do expect every on in the whole world to have heard of it, and not just b/c they read that a tree grew there.  When I say Lincoln Park (Nate Hollatchyaboy!) or Belltown, I have no such confidences.  Maybe we just have better Marketing?  But I digress.  There was a bit of an 80's bar crawl. 
You can't see it here, but that's totally a Lakeland (HS) 89 sweatshirt that my parents kept in pristine condition before I had my mom cut it all up to fit my idea of how a girl from 80's would sport their outerwear. 
One of the funniest memories in the "morning after revelations game" was from Debina..
Yes.  We were in a glaringly obvious gay bar for quite some time and she didn't even know... classic.  In fact if you look into the upper left hand corner you will be able to see the bar's own special brew... and its colorful logo...
 Now that I've realized that I can easily cut and paste real pictures... Oh IT'S OWWWWN!  (the w's are my way of saying I'm taking this re-discovered accent back to Seattle with me... Can't wait can you!?)
Last night I went walking with Mo, cervezas in hand, both of us needing to take deep gulps every time I greeted a neighbor with an enthusiastic "I quit my job today" in an vain attempt to convince myself I had made the right choice.  I kept trying not to panic, not to hyperventilate.  Sean met me at Grand Central, taking a later train, to show me some support.  I told him my "quitting story."  And I think he was actually disappointed.  I only say this b/c he said "I'm totally disappointed."  Apparently he was hoping for a dramatic removal from my office, angry management, mascara streaked faces.  Perhaps this is why he said "Have you told Mom? I wonder if she'll let you into the house.  Maybe she won't love you anymore."  Man, I am totally going to miss these guys.  :)
If you may recall, I may have complained about walking in the rain without an umbrella in an earlier issue of "You totally care about my life right?" This lead to Briana getting me these super fun and easy to tote umbrella's from the Loft--which I have been toting.  So when I emerged to street level today and there was a downpour, I didn't blink an eye just whipped out my zebra print umbrella and began my walk.  (I have been looking to my iPod lately for enlightenment and empowerment as if the shuffle button is my own little spiritual guidance, and when the Sweet Home Alabama Soundtrack (I heart compilations) provided me with Bring On The Day by Charlotte Martin, I was totally pumped to conquer the rainy day with long strides that eat up the earth.)   Only it was pouring so hard that any drainage that might have wanted to help, couldn't keep up.  Not really needing any signs beyond what was in my hand it took a couple blocks for me to start thinking that this might just be the sign from God telling me I made the right decision b/c a) who wants to have to walk through inclement weather to work every day and b) Seattle doesn't have rain like this.  And so as the rain on the pavement began to soak my jeans, and the water being sucked into the denim started to creep up past me knees, and the water logged material grew heavier, dipping further into the water and making me feel that the weight could actually start to pull my pants down from my hips, I kept thinking that the situation was really funny and then, all of a sudden the song changed and Hakuna Matata started to play and I realized that all was right with the world, even though it might not be right with with my wardrobe. 

Monday, June 8, 2009

Resigned to the Life of Mine

I just quit my job. 
Love Always
Oh wait? Did I hook you with something dramatic and now you must read on?  Excellent. 
When I walked into my boss's office I had no idea what he was thinking.  As I began to speak about another job offer.  He smiled, nearly chucked.  I asked if he knew what I was going to say... and he said uh.. actually I thought you were pregnant, but it was either that or you were quitting as I've seen similar expressions on women as they enter this office. 
So everyone took it surprisingly well.  Had I known it was going to be so easy I would have done it this morning instead of waiting until 3pm.  You're looking at the new Director of Marketing for Wells Expeditions and Callope Games... expect my emails to sound more flashy and impressive to go along with the shiny new job title. 
ooh I'm going to send this right... and then finish the story later.  yes.  yes.

Monday, June 1, 2009


My father told me to leave for work early this morning b/c the old lady walk I have developed since doing kettle bells for 30 minutes with Sean on Saturday has slowed me down significantly.  Lucas asked me once how he could develop great big muscles.  I told him it was going to take a lot of work and heavy lifting.  He strangely enough decided it wasn't worth it.  I must be a glutton for pain b/c I'm hoping for round two this evening. 
Now after I worked out with Sean (who told me if I did it right I wouldn't be sore btw) I was still feeling good b/c rigor mortis had yet to set into my thighs so I bounced upstairs to hear Stacey getting off the phone from hearing that Bailey's bff's party that evening was canceled.  Not one to miss a good opportunity I immediately asked "Does that mean we can go see UP?!"  (and yes, Stacey, I am "such a child" with very little effort on my part I might add.)  This ended in me taking 8 small children to the movies.  My parents joined as as well which is good b/c a) I didn't have room for 8 kids in the car and b) Kyle crawled into my mother's lap 5 minutes into the movie and promptly took a nap.  I proceeded to take 5 little girls to Cold Stone where I naturally told them they could get whatever they wanted to which my dear niece Jackie told me "MY MOTHER DOESN'T LET US..... " and I sweetly responded, as any fully grown Aunt would, "Then she shouldn't have let you out with me."  I made Jackie repeat my words later of course when Stacey said to the 5 year old Morgan "You just drank a COFFEE ice cream Milk Shake at 10:30 at night!?"  And my work here is done. 
Speaking of giving children... My nephew Kevin called me yesterday telling me I needed to come home immediately so that he could give me a present.  He presented to me a lovely T-Shirt with a Superman symbol,  butterfly wings and shiny hearts saying "I knew you had to have this b/c you like Superman and wearing pretty things."  So cute!  And now I promise to starve myself until I fit into the Child's Small T-Shirt.  Yes, Seriously Shana, I AM going to fit this rack into a small child's T-Shirt if it kills me.
So I know I'm talking about my nieces and nephews a lot, and also know that this isn't even my story to tell, but I'm the one with the big mouth, audience, and desperate need for a funny story to keep said audience reading until my closing... 
Maureen's 5 and 6 year old told her last week that they had seen a naked woman on TV.  Hoping against hope that they had simply seen a woman wearing just a bra, Maureen questioned further .  When she heard Patrick ask several appalled "Why's" and "Can you believe's" she deduced that her innocent boys had used the 15 minutes between when she had left for work, and Pat had come downstairs to "On Demand" some porn... porn that Kevin promised was "Free" b/c they are not allowed to watch any movies that don't have free next to it.   And like any good Catholic mom would do, my sister said "Let's NEVER talk about this, or mention it to anyone else, we'll pretend it never happened and if you see any naked on TV you shut it off right away." While Patrick had already mentioned what he saw to Victor and Michael at school, Kevin agreed that under no circumstances should they ever, EVER speak of this again.  Go ahead, you can say it...
I got to hang out with Sharon Turner Mulvihill on Friday night after work and she taught me a couple things.  1) It is perfectly acceptable to want to avoid telling your parents things well past High School.  2) being bored at work can be "a concerning habit." and 3)  I cannot be trusted to chose where to hang out, ever.