Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Olympic Wannabees

Guess what I found in Vancouver?
Lucas: Hey, I recognize that voice.  It’s that guy.  The voice of God. 
T O’B: Yes, it’s the guy you think sounds like God (Morgan Freeman.) I think God sounds like James Earl Jones.
Lucas: But no matter what we agree that God is black right?
T O’B: Oh ya.  Definitely.

Maureen had Stacey’s coffee machine in her hands as she was leaving Sean and Stacey’s the other night when Bailey said “Hey! That’s Mom’s coffee machine!” and Mo replied “Yea, aren’t you glad I didn’t go up to your room tonight?”
The Girls were over at Mo’s the other day and when playing in the snow was suggested Bailey calmly responded “Oh I don’t know.  I am kind of a fan of being warm.” 
Rach and I took a last minute trip up to the Olympics on Saturday.  We left at 4 am which meant that we were the only ones at the border.  The security guy took the liberty to entertain himself with a multitude of questions including what we did for a living.  I told him I was unemployed and after perusing my passport pointed out “You sure have been to a lot of places.  How did you manage that?”  Me: “Well I’m not ALWAYS unemployed.” Security: “I just have one more question. You’re a PT? Can you tell me what I should do about my hamstring?”  So basically we couldn’t leave until Rach gave some medical advice.  Not that he was abusing his power at all. 
We were looking for a place to eat breakfast and discovered a packed (restricted) restaurant filled with Olympians.  We spend the whole day whispering “Olympian, Not Olympian” and I’m sure we were correct every time.  A sweet couple who ran a hotel gift shop started our day off on the right foot.  First they mentioned that they had official Olympic mittens.  I immediately said we both wanted them (even though Rach didn’t understand the value at the time) and then for the rest of the day people were jealous of our mittens (even in the 60 degree sunny weather).  They actually told us they were jealous and asked us where to get them.  This wasn’t one of those Tiffany thinks everyone is jealous of her moments.  In fact while we were on the train these ladies asked us multiple questions about the mittens, where to get them, how long we were in town and then as they were leaving slipped in “and what hotel room are you staying at?” 
The sweet couple also drew us a map of Vancouver and then highlighted the route in red of where the 6 dollar all day parking was.  After we parked, we asked another hotel concierge (my go-to knowledge bank when I’m in a foreign land) about the bus schedule and how to get to the stadium.  She made some phone calls and wrote down the line we were supposed to take.  As we were looking around a seemingly homeless, but perhaps just scraggily gentlemen explained that we weren’t looking for a bus, we were looking for a train.  When we found the train and bought the tickets we were never asked to produce the evidence of our purchase.  I asked a Canadian later that day what was up with the trains and she explained that they use THE HONOR SYSTEM.  At one point they thought about putting a turn style but figured people are generally good and they’ll do the right thing.  I was easily counting up the reasons why NYC will never host the Olympics.     Oh I had never seen Canada without the rest of the continent but when I saw the below picture all I could think was America’s Hat!
When we got to the curling event we tried to sell our extra ticket and we got “You’re not a very good business person are you? And do you baby-sit?”  There was also a guy selling American, Chinese and Canadian Flags. At this point we still knew nothing about curling, who or how many were competing nor did we know if “playing” was an acceptable term—but we certainly couldn’t ASK anyone.  “Hi there! What’s all the commotion about? Is there some kind of event going on? Oh! The Olympics you say? What’s that?”    Luckily, there was a guy from Great Britain who sat next to us and explained curling until we were able to smack talk him.  The people from Sweden were decked out (no matter if they were in the street or in the stands) with full make up and wigs—just excited to be there.  Which made me feel bad for them when they forfeited to the Russians when they were behind by 9 points—who gives up at the Olympics?  I mean you’ve come all this way you might as well finish right?  Maybe they had some where to be. 
At one point the wave started in the stands and the GBR guy said “Oh. This is SO American” and in between my WHEEEEEEEEEE’s I discussed the merits of such an awesome practice.  Oh there was also a conversation while we were watching that went like this
There is an Olympian here…
There is an Olympian here that is pregnant.
Want to take mean guess as to which one it is?


Did I mention that the US won in overtime against GBR? J
Later as we were walking in the street a woman stopped in her tracks, grabbed her boyfriend and pointed to the ground saying “Look! Look!” And then I heard another passerby say “That’s what we here in Canada like to call a Pine Cone.”
Me holding two coffee’s one hand and the Olympic Flame in the other—Typical day for T.
In an atypical day… I had a very traumatic, life threatening day on Friday.  As I was switching the fish into a clean fish bowl, the fish accidently fell down the drain.  Luckily there is a garbage disposal.  Not liking the idea of touching said fish (or any fish) I grabbed a ladle, filled it with water and then scooped the fish into the ladle and then into the new bowl.  By the time I got back on Sunday the fish was dead.  Sorry Nate.  And sorry this is how I told you. 
For all of my pictures both epic and not epic you can see them here:

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Trivial Pursuits

Got to have a snow day with the parentals on Tuesday—which meant Canasta and trivia shows (I know, you’re jealous.)  I personally prefer Cash Cab b/c I can answer those questions.  The one episode had a guy get in the cab and not only was it his first time in NY but it was his very first taxi ride, and then he got three strikes and ended up being kicked out of the cab.  Welcome to New York!
Stacey called outraged that Sean’s company was having everyone stay in the city so that they could make it to work which means that while she was taking care of the kids and shoveling the snow Sean would be gallivanting all night with tasty dinner and Ranger games… I replied “and work.”  She said that wasn’t the point to which I said “actually I think that is the point.”  She actually sounded surprised that I would defend him… and even more displeased when my mother called 5 minutes later to say “I heard my wonderful son is being forced to stay downtown and go to a Ranger game.”  Hello Salt, meet Wound.
We all went over to Sean and Stacey’s for dinner on Thursday.  Mo had called Stacey and offered to make cookies-- that it would really be no trouble at all.  Mo proceeded to show up with a package of Keebler’s (while Stacey was making homemade cookies for Jackie’s cookie exchange) saying that Stacey had rushed her by moving the start time up by 15 minutes.  God love her.
I headed out to PA on Friday.  My parents had taken their extra car in to be checked and fixed up before I left so I was surprised when I got 10 minutes on the Taconic and the engine light went on and my speed dropped to 30mph.  Now I know what “limp home mode” means.  I don’t know about you, but I have a tendency to speak to my car like a beloved friend with lots of “Come on Baby, we can do this” and “Remember all of those good times?  The blizzard of 08?  The trip to such and such? We got through that and we can get through this, just a lil bit further honey.” And we did.  When we got to the mechanic the guy who looked like he was my age asked if I was on my way back to school.  (SCORE!)  Technically I was headed back to for my first time back to State College since graduation, but I just said naw.. wedding actually.  24 hours later I was served at the bar, while Julie next to me was carded. 
Watched the Opening Ceremonies on Friday night with Nick and Julie—and reached new lows in my morally incorrect remarks, so I basically had a blast.  We then headed out for my first time out to Pittsburgh for Sarah B’s wedding.  I got to meet her whole family, and while it might not be politically correct for me to say so, Sarah is definitely the most attractive of her whole family—and with her being the 2nd eldest of 10, that is no small feat. J  The wedding was lovely—perfect. Really and truly.  But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to complain about something.  Her sister’s speech opened up to confirm everything that Sarah has ever told me about her older sibling.  The speech recited how Sarah was 12 months and 6 days younger and how all growing up Sarah had always  done everything 12 months after Alaina. So when Sarah wasn’t married 12 months after her sister (Sarah was 22 at the time) everyone was just so surprised! And 7 years later… she finally found the perfect prince.  I think I can definitively say that actually the freaky schedule was actually her older sister and that Sarah in fact has had perfect timing. 
Mo takes the kids to the club with her and puts them into the energy center while she works out.  Well she puts the older kids into the energy center.  5 and below have to go into a different location with a place for babies and toddler and younger toys.  Kyle calls this “The Crying Room”—and basically can’t wait until he graduates to the other side. 
After sitting on the tarmac for 2 ½ hours before flying back to Seattle last night I got my bags and then got a call from Erika Jane.  I was still on the phone when my ride showed up so I asked her to hold on before I said to the driver “I need to go to the Weisman’s.  Do you know where that is?”  Erika immediately asked “Did you just ask a taxi driver if he knew where the Weisman’s lived?  I knew you got a lot of visitors but DAMN!” (And just like Seinfeld I just brought it around full circle.)

Hope you have a great weekend—love ya!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Blizzard Bunny

I cannot believe you all missed the opportunity to send this to me before I left for NY:
As you may already know, I like to wait until the last minute to pack and prepare for travel.  So, when Monday morning came around and I realized (okay my mommy called me) that there was a blizzard headed to NY from two different directions on Wednesday and I had to move my trip up by a day, I was completely thrown into a panic of shopping, canceling, scheduling, packing and calling--while enjoying the last moments of 58 degrees and sunny.  All so I could arrive in NY and wait for the storm. How funny would it be if it never even arrived… oh how we would laugh! 
(This of course was written last night before I actually did get snowed in and played canasta all morning with Mo and my parents.)
That was for you Kristy.  Had a couple people over for the Super Bowl—primarily made up of ladies, which didn’t surprise me all that much b/c I only asked people over b/c Jen knows how to make an amazing cake. J
Last week Rach and Jen really stepped up to the plate to entertain me.  Rach took me out on the town which is when I realized that I am incapable of sitting at a table when people get up to go to the bathroom without checking my phone, facebook or email.  I am sure this is connected to some deep rooted insecurity and that kills me! I now admit that I am a self-proclaimed slave to technology.  I am deeply addicted to my phone and it has nothing to do with the fact that it is a crackberry.  I also went for an ill advised walk with Jen at Discovery Park (it was sooooo nice out!).  I had a lovely time…but then when I went to stand an hour afterward I almost crumbled under the pain.  It was totally worth it. 
While we were grabbing coffee after the walk—Lucas texted me to tell me that he was going to be giving a girl some guitar lessons.  Jen immediately ask “Is that what they are calling it these days?” which I then stole and sent to him as if I was the funny one. 
Seriously—I can’t believe how much I want to snack every time that show comes on… Speaking of snacks, based on our recycling bins the only thing Luke and I eat is Pizza and Special K respectively… and a whole lot of it.  I accidently fell into an argument with Lucas the other day.  You never want to get into an argument with a teenager if you can help it—but I just couldn’t help myself.  He said that people like Beyonce who perform the same concert every night aren’t real musicians.  He continued to say that if they practice than they have no power, and if they don’t improvise than there is no emotion.  Can you blame me? He was clearly poking the bear.  And not in that way that Mike “Gonzo” Mulvihill does when he’s mocking how single I am.  And that leads me to a Valentine’s Day Wedding…
I feel like I have used this someecard before… but really? I can’t emphasize it enough.  Mo suggested I get hammered and then compliment a hot guy’s eyes and then fall out of my chair.  I told her that just b/c it worked to land her a husband… it doesn’t mean it will work for me.  Although, that doesn’t mean I won’t give it my best shot. 
I gotta be honest with you—I’ve been watching Runaway Jury the entire time I’ve been writing this… so I have a feeling it’s not all that great—in fact I’m so afraid that it’s not very good… I don’t want to re-read it and find out… so I’m just going to flit out saying Happy Early Valentine’s Day folks!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Calendar Girl

Sometimes people get lonely and sad and they mope around all day being pathetic and whiney about how they wish their lives were different.  These people never shared their google calendar with their nearest and dearest and pushed the responsibility off of their own solders and onto those people who are always saying that they love me (I mean “said person.”) Dawne is out of town for basically February.  Something about being allergic to the state of Washington and needing “sunshine” –as if my charming personality wasn’t enough sunshine for her.  I hope she has a lovely time.  But this does mean that the burden of keeping me entertained (that Dawne has thus far been carrying virtually all by herself) is now falling to you.  I don’t expect any one person to take it all on—I think it’s fair that you take shifts.  Whatever you can fit in to your schedule—and to help coordinate, facilitate, and to ensure I don’t forget, I’ll get the calendar ready.  
Luke has really been wanting to have someone show up when we are talking about them so we can say “Speak of the Devil.”  This seems to require us to talk about people all the time… which I think is the real flaw in his plan.  
Hey Julie! I want to be the first one of many to send you this card:
Becky hosted a lovely Pajama Party (Roy suggested I show up naked and say “Hey, this is how I sleep.”) where I sufficiently proved that not only do I know Clueless in and out—I also still use several key phrases on a daily basis.  Speaking of which… why was I not told that Brittany Murphy died!?  And more importantly, why didn’t anyone make any someecards or witty facebook comments about this?  I don’t like knowing that my news source has some cracks in it.  At least I knew about Salinger…
I feel like I have been finding out a lot of information lately that I was the last to know and not just with Brittany.  I feel like Pheobe “Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in.  Looks like I was second to last.”  I think you all could help me out by just reaching into your lives and just writing me about whatever it is you think I might not know… or just something that’s interesting—b/c chances are I’m completely clueless about it and would like to hear about your life.  You can start thinking about it now—I won’t be insulted that you didn’t respond until at least tomorrow.
In return I’ll share with you something I found in my old diary.  I was reorganizing and found the diary that basically I write in once a year—but in college for at least 2 weeks I was pretty diligent (mostly b/c I wanted to see how long I could write like Bridget Jones.)  As I was flipping through I saw “I did the most embarrassing thing today—I told Erika but I definitely can’t tell anyone else.”  I know! I had to read further too! Apparently I was tutoring one night and I must have had a cold b/c I ran to get a tissue before the next student came in and put it in my pocket just in case.  As I was tutoring, my nose started to run so I reached into my pocket, wiped my nose, and kept helping with the speech.  Ya—turns out I reached into the wrong pocket and wiped my nose with a dollar bill.  And I didn’t even blink—I don’t even want to know what the other person was thinking.  Okay… now your turn. 
I did a couple FIMO projects yesterday—I remembered it being a lot more fun the last time I did it.  But the three serving spoons I got at goodwill have been far improved from the dull life that they had been leading.  Next project is Batiking… I’m hoping that it captures Luke’s attention beyond the first session… but we’ll see—I gotta pick up the fabric today.
Pink was pretty amazing last night on the Grammys (though she did all that and more at the concert—I think I need to see her again—I simply cannot get enough of her.)  Actually it was a double hitter of favorites as TBC was also amazing on Friday night—so was hanging out with the lovely people who came out to see them with me.  Maybe when you start filling out my calendar you can add concerts b/c I need more music in my life (see? Even though I’m high maintenance I’m also very helpful—there are worse combinations.) 
Oh! And my lil kid story for the week…. Kevin came into the kitchen the other day with his red hair spiked straight up singing in the deepest small child voice “I’m Mr. Heatmiser…”  I can’t believe Mo didn’t get a picture but I’ll let you make the connection with this doppelganger image:
The last one was just for fun… ya know—my godson with a box on his head.  Comic Gold.
I’m also stealing something from another little kid and not only will I be using it all the time… I’m going to claim it as my own (as if I didn’t just tell all of you where it came from.)  From now on the word “Evil” will be replaced with “Voldemort.”  As in… “Oh man, that was SO Voldemort.”  Now you can go forth and have a lovely Monday--