Monday, March 30, 2009

Run For It!

But I'll see if I can drum up some things to say to you. 
I just got a call from Doreen informing me that I had yet to send out an email today.  Like an over due book that you are aware of but do nothing about, I have this draft open on my desktop waiting to be filled with interesting tid bits, and coming up with only the sad crumbs of my existence.  I sure hope that is enough for you Doreen.  (I wrote Do first, but it looks awfully silly without that lil line hat on the "o")
I don't know how funny this card really is given that I actually have taken to wearing running shoes in an effort to increase my chances of running.  In fact, when I think no one is looking, I'll make a quick dash down the block--and if I'm the first one off the train, I'll sprint to my car.  Nothing says professional like a hurried run in a parking lot. 
Oh hey! I found a super secret underground tunnel system underneath the city that makes almost all of my walk from GCT to work protected from weather... of course I wait until nearly April to make the discovery--and I only know how to get into it coming from work, but it's something.  As an added bonus, it has more shops that I will pass by in a blur thinking I should stop one day when I have more time... when I know my psychosis requires me to constantly try to cut time off of my commute by never slowing down.  Speaking of Psychosis...
I hear there will be a kickin' unemployment bbq on April Fool's Day that I am too far away to attend, so I will have to send a Jehovah's Witness in my stead. 
I fully plan on pretending to be sick on Thursday so I can play with my cousin's who are coming to visit... so naturally, today I have a genuine sore throat which seems to be getting worse no matter how many Hall's Defense Supplemental drops I ingest. 

My sister seems to think it is a marvel that I get everything that anyone has.  Turns out I'm not just weak in mind and spirit, but also in immune system.
A co-worker has asked me to give a 5 minute speech on what I do on Wednesday... I asked if he could maybe change that to 30 seconds and he has a deal. 
I bought a blender yesterday and when I went to clean it, I plunged my hand into the soapy water and completely stabbed the top of my finger with the blade.  I cannot even begin to understand my own endless ability to hurt myself unintentionally.  Now that finger will be completely out of commission for the next two weeks (See Psychosis for further information).
Remember when I said I was allergic to NY? Well today is the first day I am not itchy!  I still don't know what the cause was though b/c I finally broke down and bought Oil of Olay (not b/c my mother said to try it, but b/c my sister confirmed my mother's good idea with a doctor's opinion.  This still makes my mother right, but I feel better about it) and I also went back to protein shakes instead of granola bars... so I'm either allergic to granola bars or had dry skin, or maybe it's b/c I had over 12 hours of sleep last night and couldn't expose myself to whatever it was that makes me itchy.  this might be number one in pointless stories of the day.  No wonder it took until almost 2pm before I sent this out.
I have this flying squirrel doll from Xeko on my desk, and this guy keeps telling me I need to cut him open so he has a place the dollar bills that he pays me for visiting and grabbing hot heaven.  As if the Pirates AOE tin isn't good enough.  Sadly, I don't think my defenses are strong enough.  Point of this story? That's right, I have gotten someone to PAY me for visiting my office.  Boo-Yah!
Missing you all lots and lots!
Happy Monday!
Good luck sending me a someecard I haven't seen for my birthday next week.

Monday, March 23, 2009

What a Great Depression!

I sure would like to know when this whole recession/depression/whatever we're calling it these days is going to be over.  For a girl who always likes to have a plan "B" in case plan "A" doesn't work out, not having an end in sight of an economic disaster that she clearly doesn't fully comprehend (never mind being able to make predictions), is really leaving a very uncomfortable feeling in the space that she thinks used to house her gall bladder.  All that extra space you know is a somewhat convenient place to store angst and other buried realities that make it more difficult to be obnoxiously effervescent and giddy. 
There is a red button at the top of the stairs going down from the train platform.  The deal with these stairs is you have to wait in line to go down them two at a time, and on the one side of this crowded stairway is an unmarked, unprotected, yet brightly colored button that looks like its taken directly out of a daffy duck cartoon.  I am sure that everyone else is too sleepy to notice this temptation, but I have to physically restrain myself from pressing it every morning.  I have no intention of taking my pointer finger and dramatically applying pressure.  No, there are too many people, and the time that that motion would take would definitely be noticed.  No, what I dream of is "accidentally" nudging the button with my upper arm as if I had temporarily lost my balance and my clumsiness inadvertently activated whatever secrets this button holds.  I've seen the emergency buttons mind you, this does not have the same resemblance.  This button does something more exciting... I just don't know what it it.   Right.  Maybe I should make an effort to walk on the left side of the stairs from now on just in case I temporarily lose me sanity and control.  Much better plan.
I got a random invite to my old "shop" teacher, Mr. Walker's, retirement party.  I loved two things about this teacher.  Surprisingly it had nothing to do with how to build a proper bridge or how to cut a block of wood transforming it into a sleek automobile.  No, I loved that he was kind of crazy (a quality as YOU all know I am drawn to) and secondly, he was always hatching snapping turtles.  I loved me some turtles in 7th and 8th grade... and the fact that he was (illegally) farming these animals and then giving them out to his students was the most awesome of awesomely cool things that I have ever had a teacher do.  Baby snapping turtles are great.  They can reach their heads all the way back to their tails making it nearly impossible to not get bit unless they liked you.  Plus they were so ugly that they were cute.  I think we appropriately and affectionately called one of ours feo.  Now that I think about it, with what ten or so turtles in our collection I don't think we paid for a single one (mostly b/c baby turtles weren't allowed to be sold b/c of the concentrated dose of salmonella that they carry.)  Either way... I have a small urge to attend the party to see if he's still insane, count his fingers, and see how many turtles he has ready to hatch. 
My parents are just starting to understand my TV on DVD obsession now that we are onto the third season of Boston Legal.  I had spared them up until now, but frankly its about time they had a glimpse into the real, obsessive me. 
Attended the birthday party of my two nieces yesterday, pleased that I could distract myself with Harp and Cupcakes from the debilitating reality that they are turning 11 and 8.  Bailey, as the oldest of the kids, is my litmus test of age, and if I am going to continue lying about my own age, we'll have to start doing something about hers.  I know that its usually watching the youngest get older that makes you feel old, but frankly Bails was the one I spent the most baby time with... and its like you go away for 9 measly years and people decide to go and change on you.  Either way it was an excellent trampoline jumping time that was focused more on the adults having fun than the children.  What more could you ask for?  Especially b/c ...
Oh! 15 more days until my birthday.  Better start working on present ideas b/c
And CONGRATULATIONS TO NATE on getting into the play writing program at DePaul University. I couldn't find a nice congrats card for you... but I think this will do:
Over and Out. 

Monday, March 16, 2009

Little Lucky Leprechauns

You know I once saw the end of a rainbow.  It was the single most tragic thing I have ever seen related to rainbows.  First, I thought it was basically impossible to find the end of the rainbow, which would explain how the gold and leprechauns were protected.  So to just look out my window and SEE the end of a rainbow without even trying was for a moment (I must admit) exhilerating (!) until it was very clear that I could also see only solid ground.  My only comfort is that I had not a shovel handy to investigate the occurance to the fullest once and for all disproving a most be beloved belief.  I think I shared this moment with Wade, but his emotions were comparitively flat to the internal turmoil that I endured.
Speaking of Friendships, I have some up dates.  Despite the fact that the Weisman's have been encouraging me to stay clear of making any new friends, I went out with my sister-in-laws sister on Saturday.  I know, I know, I shouldn't get a pat on the back for making friends with practically a relative, but how about a slow clap?  
I also got to hang out with the infamous Markus Tuttlus, formerly from the WK clan, on Thursday.  When he called and said he was staying on Chruch street, I could only remember that it was in the financial district--and even with my limited knowledge of the city, I was able to get down to Wall street and Broadway and then I promptly called my big brother and he walked me to my destination.  No matter how small, insignificant or even assisted my travels are from here to there within the city boundaries I am continiously elated--and if I use public transportation?  Well then I practically feel like a goddess among... well I guess I don't really care about anyone else at those particular moments. 
I chatted with my neighbor Danny over the weekend.  We did the normal boring chit chat that comes with with friends who've known each other since we were 5, and yet haven't hung out socially in forever.  At the conclusion of the conversation he was like, alright well if you are ever going out in Yorktown definitely call me I want come out.  And I said "Totally!" even though as the word was coming out of my mouth I knew I didn't have his number, and he knew that I didn't have his number, and I knew I should ask for it... but didn't b/c that would put the onus on me to call him. It was one of those rare book moments.  You know what I'm taking about right?  In a book, you can  read what someone is thinking, and if you ever really thought about it, no one takes that long to think / run an internal dialogue about something without the other person in the conversation knowing that something is going.  But in books, we accept this time lapse--even the author noting that the character has "covered up the his thoughts with a blank expression" or whatever other literary non-sense.  I can tell you right now, I did not summon up a blank expression... and as I have always been overly senstive about awkward situations, I did what any respectable person would do... I gave Danny a hug and said "It was was SO great talking to you... talk to you soon!" and ran to play baseball with Mo and the boys.  I know...
When I moved out to Seattle I started having these wicked headaches and I was convinced that I was allergic to WA. I soon learned that it was just a seasonal change, an allergy of sorts that many people got.  I bring this up, b/c while I may be "mental"  I was still correct in saying that I was allergic to my new home.  Once again, I find myself allergic, I just haven't found the source yet--so for now I'm just assuming that it is New York.  I thought it might be work... or something at work, but when I had to pop benedryl again last night at home... the whole state of New York has been put under close scrutiny.  Though I hear itchy palms means you're coming into money... and I did find a dime on the floor today...
I wonder if I could convince my boss that I got forcibly put onto a float in the St. Patricks Day parade on my way to work which made it impossible to show up until 2 in the afternoon.  It could happen!
And yes, the duller I think my content is, the more someecards I insert into emails.  Eventually I will be forced to go back to a string of someecards linked with 2-3 words in between, and then you can stop complaining that I write too much... but until that day... :)

Twitter has also come up a lot this weekend and I need a vote on whether or not this is something I need to get involved in... I mean isn't it enough that I send out emails every week to everyone I know detailing every last tid bit of my life? 
And this is totally random... but on my way back from Baltimore I stopped to get coffee (shocking! ) and this guy stopped and said something like "So where was the pretty convention that you were at all day?" and was completely dumb founded.  Which reminded me that I am so rarely the recipient of pick up lines, compliments and random flirtations that when it happens I am so shocked that I actually think I sputtered as if from a cartoon.  I'm surprised I didn't turn around and see if he was talking to someone else.
okay.. I'm really done this time. 

Monday, March 9, 2009

Jam Tomorrow, Jam Yesterday, But Neva' Eva' Jam Today!

I was sad to see that there were no someecards that referenced Carol Channing... seems a real shame if you ask me.  I've had numerous Alice in Wonderland references lately... Curiouser and Curiouser.  My father was complaining about my Alice in Wonderland tea set that is taking up space in the play room and completely ignored my argument that it was the only China that I owned.   We had a merry unbirthday last weekend, Nate auditioning, and Roy told me about Johnny Depp being the Mad Hatter in an up coming AIW movie, and then to top it all off we were quoting the very best version of AIW, which is obviously the made for TV, 1985 rendition starring such favorites as Carol Channing, Sammy Davis Jr., Red Buttons and I think Telly Savalas and Sally Struthers might also have made appearances.  Seriously good entertainment for one and all... until  the Jabberwocky comes on the screen and then, I think I might have peed myself.  What? You don't know what I'm talking about? Ugh!
I was waiting for a good time to use that one... mostly b/c while I refuse to watch SW b/c I know it bothers people, it still drives me nuts every time I hear someone hasn't watched a movie that I have deemed "classic" or a "must see."  You would think that I would make myself immune to such mental attacks prior to vowing never to watch a highly acclaimed and obsessed about Sci-Fi series... but no.  Instead I buy revamped versions of Pollyanna and force my friends and family to watch it hoping that they'll never ever return the favor. 
I didn't mean to make this all about movies and entertainment... but you know how much I love movies and being entertained... so I'll press on.  Watchmen: Loved having 5 hours off of work to go see a movie with lots of blood, violence, sex and nudity... oh and some comic book characters as well.  I am a lil concerned that I can actually describe some of the bloody fight scenes as gorgeous and am digging deep to discover if this is b/c the film was really good, or if I have become completely desensitized.  Ah well.  If my employer asks, I'm just going to say it was really good and call it a day.  Though... I still say none of the Watchmen posters adorning the office walls make any sense.  Speaking of which... if you want to see Watchmen for free with me on March 12th, just respond to me with in the next hour or so. 
I saw the Irish Tenors yesterday... so I'm totally ready for St. Patricks Day...
Oh! and I took a ride down to Baltimore on Saturday to chill with some friends from college... and I am very pleased to note that I still think that they are wildy entertaining and amusing... So I guess that buys us another year of knowing each other.  And now I can say I got away for "Spring Break" with the excuse that I didn't go to Mexico b/c of all the crazy warnings that my mother has repeated to me from what she learned on the Telly.  And, I used the term "Telly" twice in one email.  Hurray for me!
K--I'm looking for a good Laser Tag and/or Bouncey house for adults.  Eva said life was all about having goals and accomplishing them, so I've made myself two goals, and now I was hoping someone else would help me accomplish them... LMK, k?

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

"S" is for Sick

ooooh I don't know where to begin!
I don't care if you question my work ethic, #1 worst part about a new job is not having any days off.  So while you're planning your spring breaks... I will be looking up more someecards to bitterly send to you like this one:
Yesterday was my first day back to commuting, so naturally we had the biggest blizzard of the year.  Remember when you used to play soccer, and at the end of the season, it was so cold out that when a soccer ball hit your thigh a nice lil' pentagon pattern would adorn your skin for a week?  I think, had a soccer ball hit my thigh yesterday on my walk to work my legs simply would have shattered.  End of story.  Oh wait, not end of story. (silly me.)  Sean thought it was completely foolhearty of me to hope that a business in Manhatten would close due to snow.  Granted, he was right, my office did not close...  but I did make up one of the three people in my entire department to show up.  What was that about taking days off?  Oh and some chick from Pakistan won a tour of the office which was scheduled for yesterday... and they had to reschedule for a day when people were here.  I asked to be in on the tour even though I didn't enter a contest b/c I still haven't gotten one yet.  Don't worry, I promised to not ask too many questions.
I've noticed a trend of mothers wrapping their strollers with plastic bags, I mean "covers", which I'm sure keeps out that the inclement weather, I'm just worried it's also keeping out that nasty oxygen as well.
I don't know how mothers aren't sick all the time.  I mean kids get all sweet and cuddly when they're sick, and they just want to be held, and then all of a sudden you're looking up the symptoms of scarlet fever.  Which I think is ironic given the fact the last issue of my emails we discussed my uber boss looking at me like I should be wearing a scarlet "S" around the office... If I actually caught the brilliantly named virus... I really would make myself a lil outfit for work.  (To hell with the Puritans, my S would be velvet, outlined with gold, and I think I would pull out the bedazzler for good measure--or maybe I could modify my Superman shirt..)
Zach actually got me to purchase books in the Sci-Fi section of Barnes & Nobel.  Sure, we've all picked up an odd book with sci-fi undertones in the Fiction section, but I found myself willingly going into the area of geekdom that I thought was just where people went to read books without having to pay for them.  I'm reading it covertly on the train.  We listened to the first audio book, and then Zach read the cliff notes of the second book in the series, but I can't bring myself to cliff note the books I want to read... so hello Sci-Fi section!  (And yes, Julie, that's the book I sent you... if it was good enough for me to to dare the depths of a new genre, it's good enough to send to you.) 
In honor of Nate auditioning for Alice in Wonderland (or at least a part in the play, he didn't mention a blue dress or a wig) Sean and I had a very merry un-birthday party on Sunday... b/c nothing says fun like pushing your neice out of the way in musical cushions, or spinning around lil kids 8 times before pushing them towards a clown with no nose.  Top that off with a cupcake... and you've got entertainment excellence going on.
You all know about my affinity for TV on DVD... but I have a confession to make.  I also keep IMDB handy while watching so that if a character appears to be in trouble, I can look up to see if they live. Also, if a character actually dies, I scan the future episodes so that I can see if they are really dead, or they are coming back later.  I can't help it... if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.  Oh, and I heart Sydney Bristow.  She is so B.A.
Finally--(and perhaps this should have been first.)  I spoke to Zach on Sunday... he told me to call the next day, but last night I just forgot. This morning, I find a facebook announcement saying that Zach is married with several items in my inbox to confirm...  Man! You miss one day of communication... I just gotta know Zach--did she find a razor then?
alright, alright I'll stop... even though I'm fairly sure that Zach, like many of you, only read the pictures, just incase, I'll keep my public display's of mockery to a minumum.