Monday, October 31, 2011

Deep in the Jams

Saturday evening I said to Jen that I didn't have ANYTHING to write about in my "Monday Email."  Maybe I shouldn't complain about that anymore. 

Last week I spent every night working on getting ready for our annual Halloween Party.  The theme this year was "After Happily Ever After."  We created an "Unemployment" area outside where people filled out forms explaining the woes and after story of their particular fairy tale character.  Inside, we had a "Job Fair" to help our Fairy Tale guests get acclimated back into society.  Normally, we give ourselves 6 weeks to get ready for this particular party but we were busy traveling this year - which meant that for the last week we had a lot of work to do.  Here's a little insight into our lives: We remove and rearrange furniture approximately every month.  It has been a long running joke that every time Zach comes home from college, before he even has a chance to take his back pack off, we put him to work moving furniture.  I came back once and all the furniture was already moved and I was FLOORED (but I think that was only because Nate and Zach arrived the day before).  Naturally, when Dawne and I started moving things around last Saturday, I suddenly missed Zach more than I can express (he has incredible upper body strength.)  I also needed to make 5 boards - each one feeling like a school project.  (Dawne took pictures of each one so I could send them to my mommy.  I'll share as soon as I get them.)  Point is, there was a lot of work, and while it probably was equal to previous years, shoving it all into one week made it feel like more than usual.  That is why, by the time Saturday rolled around, I had NOTHING interesting to tell you about.  (Except that I did make everyone break for two hours when my Casper the Friendly Ghost DVD came in the mail.  So fun!  Lucas said he had an allergic reaction to the last part with the ghost of the mom because he can't handle Cheese of any kind.)

Speaking of cheese, I have approximately 12 pounds of mozzarella and 6 pounds of parmesan cheese.  Ideas on what one could make with these two ingredients?

Rach came over early bearing dinner which was super awesome because when Jordan asked if he could eat lunch, his request was denied.  She was pursuing the Leprechaun Liquor table and said, "Cognac? People drinking cognac should be wearing smoking jackets and no pants."  And then later, when Diana and Jason arrived and Tink and Peter Pan, Rach said to Jason, "You better drop those pants because Peter Pan only wears tights."  She knows how to lay down the law. 

We played some Disney Charades, after which Hays told me that he was "Both impressed and disgusted with [my] knowledge of Disney."  I get that a lot.   Then again, shortly after saying this he also said, "Good things... whatever the phrase is," so I don't know how much I can trust his statements. 

While Arda and Luke were bedazzling pumpkins, Luke said something to Arda and Arda apologized for not hearing him by saying, "Sorry Bro, I was deep in the jams."  And our new key phrase was born.  Arda also discovered, via Jen, that I had posted a picture of him last week.  He promised to repay me in kind, only it would probably be on Allium/tumblr so that's something to look forward to. 

As people were leaving, I overheard Rach telling Hays that "Tiffany's good at inviting herself over, I'm not."  Am I?  Should I be insulted? Also, can I come over on Friday night? 

Here's the real news, while we were having a huge party, we were totally robbed. To which Jen said, "Now you have something to write about on Monday."  YAY!  I can't remember what I said, but after I said to Jen, "Is it too early to make jokes?" to which Jen assured me that it's NEVER too early to make jokes around here.  That's why I heart her.  I don’t even want to think of the irony of a fairy tale meets reality party being burglarized (wait maybe that was the joke.) Among other things, all of the 12 cases of CD's were stolen out of my car - jokes on them when they take them home to find the MIB Soundtrack, Spice Girls, 98 degrees and Hanson.  They also left the contents of my emergency kit (including the bottle of gin), and took the bag (presumably to carry more of my CD's, or to put my jacket and hoodies in?) I guess it's okay to have open bottles in the trunk because the only concern that the officer had was that it wasn't Tanqueray. I won't go into the details but I will say that Dawne was wearing this gorgeous "dead Cinderella" dress.  At one point, the police called us back and she ran for the phone - at which point Michael made the obvious point, "Dawne should always be running in that dress."   I also got an iTunes gift card from Hays and Jen with a note:  

Please consider this iTunes card your second chance to *not* buy Hanson or Spice Girls music.

Super long, uncomfortable hugs,
Jen & Hays

Whoa! You are like coolest friends ever.  I'll do my best to make better decisions... I hear Russell Crowe has an album now....

I told the officer that they left three Garth Brooks CDs and "80s Disc one" mix CD.  He said, "It sounds like you would have felt better if they had taken them without judgment."

A lil bit.


Because I think they are super amusing, here are some of the Fairy Tale Characters that came to the party:

Rach and Jeff came as Jack and Jill who are now Mt Everest Climbers (that whole tumble down the hill incident was their first time climbing and no one will let them live it down.)

Shana came as Ariel who is now in a B-52's cover band and sings rock lobster all day.

Jen and Hay's came as Snow White, who was once known for her porcelain skin, is now covered in tattoos and married to Prince Deadbeat who was sporting a mysterious black eye "from a fall down the stairs."

Sharon came as Red Riding Hood, carrying an axe, shrugging and stating, "Violence worked so well before..." 

Kathy came as "Tinker Bell - Hop."

Mike came as Old King Cole, post revolution, now permanently elected president complete with cigarillo and broken fiddle.

I was going to go as a reformed Cruella de Ville who now heavily supports PETA, but at the last minute switched to a neurotic Goldilocks who can't hold onto a job because nothing is ever quite right.  Not a great decision actually because Carrie also came as Goldilocks with a better twist - she was now a cat burglar. 

J came as Dastardly Whiplash who now owns a model train store.

We had two Little Bo Peep turned Butcher (although Laina's had the added bonus of wearing an apron that was filthy with who knows what.)

Arda was a digital Cogsworth and Lucas was a pyromaniac Lumiere.

And, because I actually have all of the files, here is what I put on each of the tables (it's totally like you were there except for the interactive bit and you still have your wallet!)

 More Pictures to Follow :)  

Happy Halloween!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Concussion's and Percussion's

Tuesday night Becky came over to help me pick up a new mattress, after which, we went to dinner with Lucas. 

On our way to get the mattress we saw a jogger with super short shorts, not tight, just short. He was also wearing black support hose. Basically, he wanted his support in very specific areas – but wanted make sure his thighs could breathe.

Becky: (giggles) My brother got hit in the face with a firework once.  It was hilarious.  After being in Iraq he hit the deck as soon as he heard the blast, and got hit in the nose. (giggles) He was bleeding so much that people thought his jaw had been blown off.  It was so funny. (giggles)
Me: There’s nothing funny about that. 
Becky: AND because it was in Alaska and so cold, the blood froze and he poked it with a stick.  (giggles)

Me: I was over the Twilight Movies before the Twilight movies came out.
Luke: You are like the original Twilight Hipster.

Apparently, Arda, Luke’s best friend, won “Fashion Disaster” during Spirit Week on Tuesday.  Only, as Luke pointed out to me, Arda was not aware that he had been participating. 

We were also talking about this Apollo documentary.

Lucas: How awesome would it be to have a wedding ring made of moon rock? Wouldn’t you love that?
Me: I hope YOUR wife will appreciate that. 
Lucas: Man this list is getting longer. My wife needs to respect how awesome the Apollo missions are.
Me: Be able to survive a fall down the stairs.
Lucas: And can NEVER talk about meat.  That’s just disgusting.

Luke was a little apprehensive about having to follow through with a drum audition Wednesday night.  I don’t know if I mentioned, but on nice days, his parents take him to the skate park at like 5 am before school.  He was telling Becky and I that he was planning, for the first time, to drop in on the 9ft bowl Wednesday morning. 

Me: Are you trying to break something so you don’t have to audition?
Luke: If that happens, it happens, Tiffany. 

Then, Wednesday morning, Dawne, Jordan and Luke went to the skate park, Luke dropped in, and ended up with a concussion complete with 4 hours of amnesia – and hour of which he could only remember the name of 4 people, and every 5 minutes he would basically reset. 

Luke: What happened?
Dawne: You fell on your head.
Luke: Was I wearing a helmet?
Dawne: Yes.
Luke: Oh man, good thing I was wearing a helmet, huh Mom?

Rinse and repeat.  Dawne also tried telling his own jokes back to him, thinking that would help.  Turns out, he thought the jokes were hilarious, but instead just thought Dawne was a really funny girl.  While in the emergency room, Luke would also forget why he was even there.

Luke: I’m great, let’s go home!
Dawne: You were just coughing up blood, so no.  We aren’t going anywhere.

Super scary.  My mom called Dawne to tell her that while Luke was at school, she should take everything that has anything to do with skateboarding and throw it out – never letting him on a skate board ever again.  I told Luke he was lucky, (not only because he seems to be fine now) but also because my mother really would have thrown everything out.  This is why I’m not allowed on a motorcycle or to go skiing with my cousin Billy.  True Story.  

In case you were wondering, Lucas still had to go to the audition. 

I think Luke also REALLY appreciated that on Thursday, when we got into an argument over cursive vs. script I ended it by saying, “How do you know I’m not right? You had amnesia.  You should really just trust that I’m always right from here on out.”

Speaking of miracles, Zach sent this to Dawne to put on her phone when he calls:

Friday night I went with Shana, Jen, Michael and Heather to see Night Rider, Foreigner and Journey.  Here are some texts that happened:

Me: Night Ranger started 7 minutes early.  I guess at their age they need to get to bed early.
30 min later
Me: I’m sad that I made an old joke and then my siblings didn’t respond because they were asleep at 10. 

(For the record, they were up, they just didn’t respond immediately.  Is that better?)

Foreigner was amazing, Journey was not so amazing but seeing the new singer totally reminded us all of Matty Simpson. 

Shana: Is it wrong that he reminds me of an Asian Matty Simpson?
Me: It’s the jacket
It wasn’t just the jacket.  Though I wish we had been able to get a video of it so those of you who know Matty would understand, but all I have is this:

Naturally, I called Matty to meet us for a drink and midnight snack. At some point we started talking Halloween Costumes.  I suggested a Jack Be Nimble turned Olympic Pole Vault. 

Matty: Or a severe burn victim.
Me: I would never have gone there.
Shana: That’s the first thing I thought of.
Me: I’m sorry.  I’m a happy ending kind of girl. 

This was followed by some inappropriate jokes, that I’m not going to share.  Keepin’ it clean.

Saturday morning started at 10:30, when we went to Alderwood Mall to get the fam some new iPhones.  I have been protesting the iPhone for YEARS now.  Maybe I adore my love-hate relationship with Blackberry.  I definitely believe my typing abilities will suffer, plus there was that time I had a touch phone and it only responded 50% of the time, and my iPod Touch also dislikes the feel of my skin.  My iPad loves my skin but my standard argument after stating, “I will NEVER buy an iPhone” has always been, “Typing Tiffany capital O apostrophe capital B rien is just TOO difficult” is getting weak.  And, the final blow was when I heard that Jordan was caving.  If he can give up his blackberry, then, maybe, just maybe, I can too.  Maybe.  We’ll see.

Lucas: I don't know why people would ever have a preference other than mine.

We did a lot of party preparations followed by dinner and a movie.  50/50 – and yes I cried throughout the entire movie.  I think I mentioned, that one of the reasons that Luke wants a new phone so badly is because he has Zach’s old phone that makes everything look blue, and then he dropped it, so the glass screen has a shattered Halloween look, and is a little sharp in some locations.  As an added bonus, it’s also difficult to hear him when he’s on his phone.  We left dinner early to get seats when I heard Luke stating loudly, “MOM LEFT HER PHONE ON THE TABLE” The 4th time he said it, he started with MOM and the entire movie theater yelled “LEFT HER PHONE ON THE TABLE!”

We did some additional party set up Sunday morning, and then I went over to Rach’s for a Pumpkin Carving Party.  One lady spent 3 solid hours carving her pumpkin.  When she announced how long she had worked on it, Laina whispered to us, “At least you’ll always have it.”  I’m not entirely sure what it is about Rach, but I feel like every time I’m with her, it is a total giggle fest, only there isn’t anything that I can remember to tell you so you can participate in the joy—I guess you’ll just have to trust me when I say, it was a pleasure.  

(My Kermit pumpkin lit on fire. Whoops.)

In case you didn’t get enough of Arda and Lucas this week… turns out that Arda says “PEA-SA” for Pizza.  And when he was younger, a kid was totally mocking him for his pronunciation.  The kid finally ended the argument with, “It’s P-E-T-Z-A dumb dumb.”  Right.  

And, because I think my nieces and nephews are the coolest people ever… here’s the text I got at 5:30 am Sunday Morning. 

Monday, October 17, 2011

Rom-Coms with Fro-Yo up the Ying-Yang

I’m working on a charity auction for work, and everyone has been incredibly generous, which means that not only did I make this volunteer project far larger than it was last year, I’m also surrounded by really rare and precious items.  Ironically, I just watched that episode of Grey’s Anatomy where the guys ear gets ripped off when he was at a gaming convention trying to get an exclusive (toy).  Normally, when I have in my possession, super rare geek stuff, it’s pretty safe because, while I understand the rarity, I don’t actually want it in my home.  However, for the first time, I do have something I want.  The advanced, signed copy the latest in the Mistborn series by Brandon Sanderson.  If I’m really careful, do you think I could read it and no one would notice? I can be careful. Yeah.  You’re right.  I better not. 

We were watching Felicity when someone was talking about how a certain relationship - saying that even though things were really difficult that actually must mean that it was really worth it.  As I am totally engrossed in this introspective reflection, I hear Lucas say, “Things that were really difficult that weren't worth it: Great Wall of China.”  Fair enough. 

My dad called me last week.  I don’t know if you have ever called me, but my voicemail starts off with “I’m terribly upset that I missed your call.” Which is a really nice thing to say.  Only, for whatever reason, every time you hear it, it sounds more sarcastic.  Whoops.  Ironically, I originally changed my message because Sean thought I was being a… oh, wait, actually, what he called me is NOT appropriate for a lady to say.  So, now I have a one time, sweet professional message followed by a series of sarcastic messages.  See, the name of my blog is appropriate.  Getting back to my dad:

Message from Frita: “Hi Tiffany.  It’s your father.  I’m calling you because you called us and we love you.  I trust you know our phone number, if you don’t then you are in as bad of shape as I am.”

Then, I randomly got a poster in the mail from Frita.  In college (I told you there has been a lot of college on the brain!) I had a poster up in my room of the Neuschwanstein castle with a hand written note stating “There is a fine line between DREAMS and GOALS.”  I don’t even know how Frita noticed it, or recognized that it was the same castle that I had just seen in Germany, but he sent it to me.  He’s the bestest.   We played a little phone tag when I called to thank him.

Frita: You should consider changing your message. It’s a little demeaning, and I’m used to teaching 8th graders.

He also told me that, and I know this is going to be a shock, his grandsons sometimes don’t listen to him. 
Frita: Is it your inattentiveness or is it my New York accent?
Grandson: It’s not your accent. 

Friday night I was supposed to go to the Garage with some work people.  Now, had we gone after work and had been out until 2 am, I could totally rock that.  However, (and I honestly don’t know if this is because I’m old, or TV has gotten better), if I need to leave my house after 10 pm to go out, I cannot rally.  I can’t.  I tried too.  I even got up, showered, and then went to get dressed, and suddenly I was in my pj’s snuggled in bed texting my apologies. 

Lucas to me: You would make a great African American preacher.
(I don’t even remember what I said to warrant this, but I do remember thinking he was right.)

Saturday morning was fairly routine.  Luke and I went to Barnes and Noble (where I was totally hit on by this really hot guy but I didn’t realize I was being hit on until I left the store… if anyone was wondering why I’m single.)  After the bookstore, we headed to the grocery store for lemonade and orange juice, and like every weekend when we just need beverages, we left with $150 worth of groceries.  (I am totally that chick, who, when asked if I found everything, says “Welp, we came in for lemonade, so, I’d yes.”  And then, the cashier ALWAYS searches through our sea of purchases to double check that lemonade was found.)   The only thing new and different about this adventure was that we actually remembered to bring our reusable bags, so I’d like a gold star from each of you. (You can send it digitally as to avoid equal damage to the environment that I just helped save.)

There we are, sitting in the kitchen, eating lunch, when I get a text from my dear friend Janette who tells me that she’s in Seattle and do I want to hang out for a bit.  Do I!? 
Me: Right, I gotta leave in ten minutes.
Lucas: WHAT!? I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.
Me: Janette is in town… what do you want from me?
Lucas: You’re company!
Me: Well, you can’t have it.  (sorry.)

Janette, who bragged two years earlier about how great of a speech writer she is, was writing a speech for the wedding that was less than 5 hours away.  As she was telling the story about how she practically challenged her friend NOT to ask her to speech but then tried to avoid it up until the end, finished her story by saying, “Seriously, I’m awesome.  You’re going to want me to speak at your wedding.” To which I replied, “So, you’ve learned NOTHING from this experience.” 

Janette: I hate different views.

After my three hour power chatting with Neville and Janette, I was off to hang out with Baby Fynn Small (and his incredibly awesome parents too, I guess.)  It was all very lovely, until after dinner when Shane put on the new 2010 3D version of “Piranha.”  We only watched 15 minutes, but these were 15 minutes I will never forget.  I didn’t want to watch, but I couldn’t NOT watch. Between the flying tatas that were skimming the piranha filled waters, to a girl randomly being cut in half, but before she actually splits, her bikini falls off I’m basically scarred for life.  And while this was happening, Shane told me a real life shark spotting story—just what I needed! 

Becky: I am SOOO excited! This is my first time on the B line!
Bus Driver: Dear Diary…

Sunday I spent the day with Rach, which was epic because we haven’t done that in forever.  Between brunch, gold chains, buying a mattress, and double solitaire - it was off the hook.  Aunt Pat made dinner and Uncle Ray was telling us how the laundry machine in the little studio is one of those machines that are supposed to wash and dry in the same machine. “But Dawne has never been able to get it to dry.  It’s probably just a button that you have to push to get it to switch over to drying, but Dawne hasn’t found the button yet, so clearly it doesn’t work and we need a new one.” This is ONLY funny because it’s true.  Then Lucas came back from his first studio recording.  The boys all came in with equipment, and I heard Arda walking down the stairs saying, “My butt hurts so much carrying this.”  This puzzles you too right?

Luke was telling us about how the “studio” he went to (for free) was a cabin on a back road, in which the walls were extremely thick and padded so when he walked in, he was like, “What did Arda get us into?”  He described how scary and shady it is to have a man invite 4 teenage boys to his cabin in the woods, but then followed the story with.  “It’s okay. I’m a man. He kept the conversation strictly to Music.  It was fine.”  

After nearly 24 hours of being apart, Lucas and I were catching up.  He was explaining to Rachel about how he has decided to “streamline the process” by strictly wearing different colored ¾ length baseball shirts to school.  Immediately after talking about how Luke was all about streamlining, he then proceeded to recognize the hypocrisy in making edamame on the stove top instead of the microwave.  We also talked about the parachute/MC Hammer pants that Arda wants to make and wear.  This led to a conversation about it’s time that we started having 90’s parties with big jeans, half shirts, overalls with one size unclipped, and sunflower shirts. (There is a reason I’m telling you all of this.)  After making the legumes, we went upstairs to watch a movie.  We immediately agreed we needed to search the Rom Coms – and Rach laughed at us. 

Me: I told you Luke, it’s like we speak our own little language.
Lucas: More people should speak our language, it’s brilliant. 
Me: I know! We should encourage people to learn our language.
Lucas: They could score points!
Me: By saying things like “Let’s watch some rom coms with fro yo up the ying yang.”

Friday, October 14, 2011

Do You Miss College?

I’ve been thinking a lot about college lately.  Maybe it’s the 4 seasons of Felicity, or maybe it’s the conversation I had with Zach, but college has been on my mind.  I distinctly remember being in college and having people tell me “These are the best 4 years of your life.”  Multiple people made this statement, and every time I was like, “THIS is the best it’s gonna get?”  In truth, it’s probably best never to examine how awesome a moment is, in the moment, because no matter how many exclamations of excitement you have, you have to wonder how much of that has to do with the adult beverage in your hand. 

Either way, my reminiscing has been of a mixed variety.  I was going to ignore the whole memory lane but then I thought, Hey! I could make it into a list and lists are totally fun!

Things I Miss About College

1.       Every single day is a sleep over, but you don’t have to worry about someone putting your underwear in the freezer (the freezer is too small, and that’s where we keep the Jaeger.)

2.       Your day started at 11 and usually ended by 5… and that included walking to class, work, and possibly stopping for lunch.  Plus, my biggest responsibility was writing a 20 page paper (and you know how hard it is for me to write…)

3.       Every time you drank it felt like a special occasion because you’re totally getting away with drinking – or it’s super cheap, which is equally as awesome.  Dollar Long Island Iced Teas? Don’t mind if I do. 

4.       Friends: one month equated to a lifetime of shared moments and there was an unshakable certainty that you would be Best Friends Forever (in my case, a year before BFF was even a term.  Actually, who’s to say I didn’t come up with that?)   

5.       From day one, you reinvent yourself.  For four years, you are a new person.  (#1 reason to keep those college bff’s btw is because they are the only people who ever really knew that person, and ya know, she was a good time.)

6.       Unlike other milestones, my experience in college, was so obviously unique and no one outside of my circle of friends had any idea what I was going through, how awesome it was, or what it was like to be me. 

7.       Which brings me to the sheer self-centered nature of the college student, and how comically blissful those numbered days were.  I loved dedicating 4 years to learning, growing, making memories.  And I sure did love being my number one priority. 

8.       Breaks.  Not because I loved not being in school, but I adored the fact that when I left school, so did everyone else, so I knew I wasn’t missing anything.  I hate missing things. Plus, it’s not like when you go on vacation now, when you’re on a break, it’s a break from every worry, every responsibility (even when those “responsibilities” were on a slightly different scale than now. 

9.       Living next door to Mad Mex, above CVS, and being able to walk everywhere (as long as it wasn’t too cold, because then, obviously I complained furiously.)

10.   Winnebago Weekends, Football games, the Creamery and maybe most importantly… Friends was still on TV.

Things I’m Glad I left in State College.

1.       Public bathrooms/showers (except for that one Winnebago weekend when we all sang together in the shower.  That was kinda awesome.)

2.       Throwing up to get the poison out. 

3.       College me.  If you think I’m an emotional wreck now, you should have seen me then.  Yelling, Crying, Pouty.  Not a good look on me in retrospect.

4.       Sorostitute Evening Wear.

5.       Being hopelessly and pathetically in love, the terrible, unrequited kind. 

6.       Natty Ice

7.       The smell of cows.

8.       Easy Mac

9.       Caring about Football (Sorry Frita.)

10.  Rape Whistle (Seriously, I have no idea what I did with that thing.)

Welp.  That’s not how I thought that was going to go.   Not to be overly serious or honest (heaven forbid) but beyond a good education and a wicked good time with fantastic friends, I don’t know if I really like the person I was in college.  Evivova is all about reflecting about age and where we are in life and if this is what we were expecting.  I love that about her when I’m loving life, I hate that about her when I’m not feeling up to par.  Earlier this week I brought this very subject up and she said, “Do you miss college? Because, I don’t really.”  I thought that I would, but I guess I really don’t.  I don’t even wear blue and white on Saturday’s anymore (maybe that’s why Penn State isn’t as good as it once was. :P)  Then, get this, she told me I was an adult now.

Hey now, Lady.  Let’s not go nuts. 

And then she sent me a recipe for Pumpkin Cheesecake Crumble Squares. Reflections Terminated.