Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Anders' Laundry


When I walked into the office on Monday morning, this is what I saw in the kitchen.  

On Monday, Lucas’ band played at the same location that, when I had gone during the winter, I had to call Matty and ask him to leave the warmth of his home to hang out with me because I was terrified.  During the summer, it was much brighter and friendlier.  Lots of things are prettier in the summer time actually, like these two rainbows I saw last week one was at 9PM and the other at 8:30PM.


I was checkin’ the old Instagram the other day when Percy wiggled his way up on my hand and promptly fell asleep.  I carefully maneuvered my phone so I could take a picture. 

After I posted it, my cousin Colleen posted a picture of Cubby with a note saying, “Yorkie nose war!”

I told Dawne, who went to take a picture of Nala’s nose.
Jordan: You’re holding us all up from watching a movie.
Dawne: You’ll have to wait.  This is important cousin business. 

Then, Colleen ran out of Yorkies and lost the nose war right around the same time that we realized that it was Cubby’s birthday.  Naturally, we hurried to dress our pups up for a proper birthday celebration for their cousin. 

On Friday, I went on the monorail for the first time.  Oh, you didn’t know that Seattle had a monorail?  That’s because it only has one stop, going between Seattle Center and 5th and Pine.  VERY exciting.  J  Then, because we felt like we were on vacation, we walked to the market and had a Bolivian dinner.   It was totally like a Try New Things meeting only no one from the club was invited. 

On Saturday, I started the day running over to pick up Ander’s laundry (more to that story later) then to Norm’s Eatery and Ale house for lunch before the Summer Solstice Fremont Festival.  In case you’ve never heard of this festival, it involves a parade of around 300 naked, mostly painted, bike riders.   I think I can honestly say that this was the highest quantity of naked people I have ever seen in one place riding bikes.  Some random pictures:


Also, Dawne overheard this conversation:
Little girl: I want to take my shirt off.
Mom:  You might get burned.
Little girl: But it’s my only day to be FREE!
Mom: Alright then. 
We eventually gave up getting through the crowds and headed home.  We got a quick swim in before dinner and a movie – not too shabby for a slow Saturday night. 
I can’t remember if I told you all about the conversation we had at Laina’s brunch in June.  Dawne was telling us about a friend who was doing her husband’s laundry and found another woman’s underwear.  Dawne’s immediate response was to say, “I can’t even count how many time I’ve found lingerie that isn’t mine in our house.”  That day at brunch, she went to describe many of the hilarious accounts of finding random underwear, the day she learned that Jordan knew how to do his own laundry, and a tale of a stolen maid’s costume.   With this story in mind, we had inspiration for Dr. Rach’s shower gift.  First, I asked Anders for his laundry – which he provided with no questions asked.  Then, after I picked up the laundry from Anders’ mom, I combined it with some lingerie from value village that obviously did not fit Dr. Rach, and towels that were actually on her registry.  We tied them with a bow and put a big tag that said, “Anders’ Laundry” on one side and “AKA Your Future” on the other.  Not surprisingly, Dr. Rach threw much of this at me as she unwrapped the present at her bridal shower.   Immediately after, Dr. Rach opened towels from Aunt Pat that were more traditionally wrapped in beautiful silver boxes and ribbon.  I especially enjoyed the contrast.  Also, at one point, one of Anders' relatives asked, "Now, Tiffany, You're Rachel's FRIEND? " To which I replied, "The BEST of." 

Hope you’re having a most excellent week!

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Much Like a Toilet

I re-discovered the joy of longer days last week.  Longer days means that when I get home, I can go for a walk at the dog park and all of a sudden it's 9 and I still think it is 5:30 full of energy and happiness.  This is the opposite of winter time when at 5:30, it feels like 11PM and all I want to do is just crawl in my bed and hibernate forever.  I imagine other people are doing better things with their new found energy - but going to the dog park seems to be choice activity.  Dawne introduced me to these secret paths through the tall grass that only dogs know about.  Now, I have to say Percy LOVES these paths.  Meanwhile, my deep rooted fear of ticks that my mother has ingrained into me from birth along with my ability to get poison ivy just by walking a field that might have poison ivy, causes the entire process to cause me great anxiety.  Then I found out when you do a path like this at 9 am, both you and your dog leave the path soaking wet from all the dew.   I guess what I'm really saying is, my life has become pretty dullsville when this is my opening story.  :)

On Friday, I went to a "Laina is 40 and Mo is leaving for Kuwait" party.  Obviously, I had to get them two different cards.  While sitting at the kitchen table chatting, Mo walked in from upstairs on a conversation not at all about Mo.  

Mo: Who wasn't born here?
Shana: You.
Dr. Rach: And your mom.
Kelly: Wait, what?
Me: It’s funny because it’s a “Your Mom” joke and it’s actually true because they were both born in Jamaica.  

Someone told Mo that they liked his T-Shirt, and he was all excited about getting to go on the new Seattle Ferris Wheel.
Laina: We were walking out of the Four Seasons this morning, and Mo is wearing his “Great Wheel Seattle VIP” shirt and someone asked if he needed a map of Seattle and I was like “No, we live here.”  

Anders was telling us about this patient who was an extreme hoarder and couldn’t move around very well.  After he was admitted to the hospital, a professional cleaning service arrived to the apartment (the kind of cleaning service that cleans up crime scenes) and they opened the doors, stepped two feet back and declared that the home needed to be torn down.  Apparently, because of a series of issues, the resident had begun to just use the every room the house as a restroom so everything had seeped into the walls and floors. 

Anders: I am relatively certain that guy isn’t getting his security deposit back. 

Anyway, the patient was in for testing and needed to have urine samples taken and how difficult it was to collect enough over a 24 hour period.  At this point in story, Bobbin, another one of Laina’s guests overhears the conversation.
Bobbin: You’re talking about a pet right?
Anders: No, I’m talking about a person.
Bobbin: And you’re collecting his Urine?
Anders: It’s a part of the job.  I go to homes and collect urine from people every 24 hours; it’s usually in a jug of some kind.  Actually, it's very much like a toilet.
Bobbin: What?!?
Anders:  Actually, I’m a doctor.    

When we had gone over to Laina’s for brunch a couple of weeks ago, Mo had misplaced his wedding ring (I guess he’s been wanting to wear it early – how sweet is this guy!?)  They looked all over the house and couldn’t find it for over 36 hours.  Then, Mo wakes up, and sees it on his nightstand. 
Mo: You found my ring! Thanks!
Laina: I didn’t find your ring.
Mo: It was sitting on the nightstand when I woke up. 
Laina: Oh I know what happened. My dad must have found it and put it there. He does that.
Mo became immediately spooked out because of course, Laina’s father is deceased and he is creep-ed out about living with a ghost.  A couple of days later, when Mo couldn’t find the Cards Against Humanity cards, Laina found them.  She found them and put them on his nightstand, without explanation, and waited for the call.  Before Mo could get out “Did you….?”  Laina started cracking up and confessed. 

Laina’s friend Aimee was at the party.  I haven’t seen her in a while, but she was pretty proud of herself for staying up all night as a chaperone at Grad night for one of her kids. 

Aimee:  Was at grad night when a 6 foot tall kid started throwing up.  When I asked what was wrong, his friend told me that he had eaten 300 gummy bears.  I asked him if he wanted some tums, and that’s when this 6 foot tall teenager, in the sweetest voice asked,” do you think it will help?”

She also has a 5 year old who has some pretty amazing quotes. 

"Mom....can we listen to resting (classical) music in the car? I can't listen to rock and roll cause it will make me too aggressful at the skate park and I really need to stay loose." Greyson, 5 - Anger Management Consultant

"Mom, don't worry, nothing will ever take me away from you or tear us apart...except a Cyclops, a Cyclops could DEFINITELY tear us apart, but just that". Greyson, 5 - Safety and Risk Management

Greyson: Mom I think I’m Chinese.
Aimee: Why?
Greyson: I know how to say “Hola, Gracias and Adios.”

Greyson also asked Aimee, when her mother died, if Grandma was a zombie now.  He then described what happens after death in that you get buried, decay, your eyes start to pop out of your head, then you eat brains, someone kills you again and then you become and angel and go to heaven.  Aimee responded with, “Grandma is not a zombie.  She was cremated and sitting in that vase over there.” 

I want to say that we asked Laina how her actual birthday was, but I think she just volunteered this information.  Laina: Mo woke me up wanting sex on Thursday.  I told him it was my birthday, not his and I want sleep! I'm 40 now, I could break a hip!

On Saturday, we met Diana at the dog park.  Afterwards, we went to Starbucks, saw a car show, shopped the Redmond farmer’s market, and then met up with Jordan and Jason in Kirkland for lunch (all with the dogs of course.)  When we got home, we went in the pool, which of course Percy loved.  He still used the towel to dry himself off, but then he thought he was sufficiently dry and started running around with Shorty.  When he came back over to me he had an entire pine tree in his fur so we needed a bath. 

Me: Happy Father’s Day!
Frita: Your mother let me throw something out today!
Me: What was that?
Frita:  I pulled out a can of Pectin out of the Pantry.  She told me she bought it before you were born so it was probably time to throw it out.  I guess after you were born we had all the sweetness we needed in life.   

Remember when I told you I had an argument with Uncle Ray about cards?  Well I decided for father’s day to create a card out of dollar bills – and he LOVED it.  J

Lucas went to the eye doctor and found out that he has an ever so slight vision issue because he has a negative number? And that makes him more sensitive to external factors.  Naturally, he walked out of the doctor’s office with a receipt 800 dollar glasses.   When Dawne told Jordan, he was flabbergasted (as was I.)  But the glasses are from Denmark and look like John Lennon’s!  To counter balance this extreme purchase, we went to DSW to get some shoes (to replace the ones that Percy has destroyed and because I think the weather is forcing me to wear something other than my Uggs to the park.)  Dawne and Lucas find shoes right away, but decide not to get them because of the 800 dollar glasses debacle.  As we were leaving, they do some math and Dawne announces, “We basically saved 150 dollars today.  We should go to the outlet malls, count up all the things we would have bought there and then Jordan won’t be mad anymore!”  I don’t think that’s how it works, Dawne. 

Finally, we ended the weekend with a little comedy. Aziz Ansari has a show on Netflix now, Dangerously Delicious.  I found it very amusing. Here is a little taste for you: 

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Ballin' the Pins

Dawne and Lucas were cleaning out his music room when they found a painting that Lucas had done years before.  They were telling me about the incident over dinner.
Lucas: Do you like my painting?
Dawne: I like it.
Lucas: I don't think you really liked my painting!
Dawne (to me): He wouldn't believe me maybe because I kept telling him that I liked it but also I kept wanting to throw it out.

We were in the pool when Lucas says calls Percy a "son of a b*tch" and then to Nala, "what does they make you?" and then to me, "that is funny on so many levels."

Last week kind of flew by, though I couldn't tell you why.  Friday was Kelly's last day at work.  A bunch of us went over to the Pancake House for lunch.  Ryan, Angel and I left a little bit before everyone else, and we were parting ways I heard Angel say, "I didn't pay... hee hee hee."

Also, Friday was "Twin Day" at work and my whole team decided to dress up as this one guy Kris who basically wears this outfit like a uniform:

 I think I mentioned to you before about the True facts about the Angler fish 

 but I just found out the same guy does a lot of true fact videos, here's a particularly good one:

 Saturday we met Becky at the dog park at 9 am.  Percy has been very into jumping in the tall grass - though he doesn't love to do it as much when I'm around (not wanting to leave my side.) It took a couple of videos, but I finally got the little jumper bean on film:

After the park we went to the Redmond Farmer's market before we had to go down to Auburn to pick Lucas up from the ACT's. 
Lucas:  I don't think I did very well.   I was very distracted.  There was a rooster outside cockadoodledoodling the whole time. 

To cheer him up we Northwest Pinball and Arcade Convention, which was really a big hall of hundreds of pin ball and arcade machines that you could just play as much as you want. 

Jen: I think that’s Kenny Rogers

Jen paying her parking lot ticket: Hey! They got Stephen Hawking to do the voice for this!
Then we all drooled over Jen’s Tesla, because who wouldn’t drool over it? This is what you see when you pop the hood:

On Sunday, I went to the park again, and then I met up with Laina, Mo, & Dr. Randers at the Ballard Farmers Market.  I also saw that my sister had posted on Facebook that she was turning into our mother because she threw a bunch of my nephew’s things out into the yard.  I told Dawne, and she said she and her brothers once found their Christmas gifts and her mother took the presents back to the store. 
Dawne: I don’t remember if we ever actually got presents that year.
Aunt Pat:  I put all of you in the car and took you to the store that I knew the proprietor and asked them to hold the presents so you thought I was bringing them back. 
Dawne: There was another year that we were all in the car on our way to Grandma and Grandpa’s and my brothers all knew exactly what they wanted for Christmas and they were making fun of me for not knowing and saying that I was just going to get a “stupid doll” for Christmas.  And then my dad said, “No, she’s getting something BLACK for Christmas.”  So then my brothers were making fun of that while my mom was giggling in the front seat.  That was the year I got a Shorty [the first puppy of the name.)

While making a pick up from scratch:
Lucas: I'm going have such fine motor skills when I grow up; I should be a surgeon - except not because that sounds gross.

And lastly, I don't know if you've seen these yet, but they make me giggle.

Sad Cat Diary

And now the Sad Dog Diary:

Here’s a picture of one of our favorite pups:

I hope you have an amazing week!

Thursday, June 6, 2013

What's a "Cootie"?


Zach was working at the game store the other day when two little girls, around 7 years old, walked in.  They happened to see a game called “Cootie Catcher.”

Little girl: What is a “cootie?”

Zach: You know it’s something that you can catch if you hang out with boys.

Little girl to the other: Oh! You mean like STD’s. 



I volunteered to help Cristi’s high school English students by being a source, so randomly I’ll receive an email from a kid with a list of questions on various subjects. One of the more recent ones was about violence in video games.  Cristi was reading the student’s papers and got a chuckle she saw this:

"I honestly don't think video games lead to violence. I mean, there weren't video games in the middle ages and I can't say it was a faerie land of hearts and hugs" (O'Brien).



Laina, Rach and I went to see Grey Gardens last week.  I didn’t know anything about this play, but at half-time, Laina turned to us and asked if we wanted to leave.  I didn’t think it was my favorite play, but I was surprised that she wanted to leave, so absolutely.  Then she had me read the synopsis that described a second act that would be sad, depressing and stress inducing.  Just to be sure, I did a quick review on the nets and we immediately jumped up and left.  The good news is that I got to hang out with two lovely ladies before the play and I still got to be home by ten. Winning. 



While with Laina, she told us that her boyfriend Mo had gone to their neighborhood association meeting and came home with notes taken including great idea for a “Wolf Pack.”  In his own words, "There's going to be a bunch of buffed out dudes, each with a little puppy. We'll be walking the streets with puppies licking our faces while we say: just wait 3 months till the dogs grow up - crime is going to be eliminated from Ballard!" They asked on FB if they could borrow Percy, and I was just honored that he would be deemed worthy for the pack.  Another FB friend asked. “Can I come even though we only have a cat?” to which Mo replied, “Bring the cat; we need a sniper.”



I think I also mentioned earlier that for their wedding in 2014, Mo would very much like to build in layers of Aquarium which will then be given away as door prizes.  Proof that his good ideas just keep coming, Laina’s friend Nikki offered to paint the couple a painting.  Laina wanted a painting of the floral variety.  Mo, very animatedly, described a painting reminiscent of the Godfather/family portrait complete with not only Laina and her two cats but also their two future dogs.  Shana suggested for added flair, Nikki should also paint it on velvet. 


Jen introduced me to a new-to-me exercise that I think everyone should participate in!




Saturday, Dawne and I gave the puppies’ baths after going to the park.  Then I think I wrote last week’s update, followed by Dawne and I headed out for Randers’ (Rach + Anders) birthday party.  We left at 4, picked up Jordan, and then finally, when we were 5 minutes away, Rach called to say that everyone was leaving.  Two minutes later, we got a call from Lucas telling us that he fell skateboarding and that his arm was in a direction it shouldn’t be in.  This meant that after two and half hours in the car, we stopped by Rander’s party to use the restroom and then got back in the car to meet Lucas at the hospital.

Sidebar: As soon as we saw the traffic, I pulled over so that we could take the ice out of the car – the one thing I told Rach I would bring to the party.  When we got to her house, I had planned on taking the remaining ice cubes from my iced coffee and running in with them in my hand say that it was all we had left of the ice and it needed a freezer stat.  Sadly, we were too frazzled to make the joke by the time we actually arrived. 


To add insult to injury (I guess literally, huh?), Rach’s party was really the only thing that I had planned on Saturday.  Meanwhile, Lucas, after finding out he just tweaked his arm a bit, called his friend to meet him when he got home for sleepover fun times. 



On Sunday, not wanting to be late to my second event, I left early, picked up croissants and coffee at the French Bakery to arrive at Laina’s brunch at 10:30 exactly.  Unfortunately, Laina and Mo were entertaining the night before (and we were told NOT to inspect their recycling, so just this once, I didn’t take inventory.)  I warned them that I was going to be on time or early, but still, when I walked in Laina was just finishing up the kitchen cleaning and ran upstairs to shower.  Hours later we had this conversation:


Laina: When you walked in, I was like “oh it’s just Tiffany, she’s seen me in the morning” but then I saw Dawne and I was like “Oh! You brought Dawne” and there I was un-showered without a bra on!

Dawne: If it makes you feel better I’ve been sitting here all morning without a bra and no one has even noticed. 



Shana: Laina called me to tell me that Tiffany and Dawne were there and if I hadn’t left the store could I pick up some sprite.  And I texted her back that I was just about to check out… of my bed.


Rach and Anders brought a waffle maker.  Mo decided he wanted add berries to the waffle after some hoping around and stressing that it wasn’t going to be perfect, he finally brought he plate back saying definitively, “NAILED IT.” 



I hope you all are having a wonderful, beautiful week.  I will leave you with this picture of Percy as he stood at the top of the stairs as if to say, “Are you coming back up here or should I walk down to you?"


Saturday, June 1, 2013

Kiss from a Rose

Update of 5/20 – 5/27.

(To keep things simple today, when I talk about “Mo” I’m referring to Laina’s boyfriend Montarno. And when I’m talking about my sister, I’m just going to say “Maureen.”)

My brother was telling me that two of our cousins would be coming to NY to intern at the exchange and live with Sean and Stacey for the summer. 
Me: Oh yeah! It’s Intern Season!  We have 4 or 5 interns living with us this year.
Sean: Dawne ALWAYS has to one up me, huh? First she had the bigger [metal] pig, and now more interns!

My nephew Kyle was throwing up for a couple of days last week.  On Friday, he really wanted to go to school so he woke up and said, “I feel great, Mom!” Maureen, wary of this new found health handed him a plastic bag, just in case.  Apparently, it was a good thing because he came home and pulled out the filled ziplock bag out of his book bag and said, “Hey Mom! Look!  I used the bag you gave me!” 

Lucas: We were talking about the Apollo missions at school today and I just love them so much that half way through the discussion I started to tear up. 

I went to a really super fun party on Friday.  I mean so much fun that even an hour after I got home, my jaw hurt a little from smiling so much.  When we first arrived to the restaurant, and were walking in, Shana’s mom forgot something so she turned around in the hallway to go back outside and said, “I feel like a salmon, I'm going the wrong way!”

Shana was telling us that she and Liz went jean shopping at lunch and the very slim Nordy’s chick brought them all sizes two or three sizes too small. Liz’s response was to turn to Shana and say, “Neither of us has eaten. Imma kill and eat that skinny b*tch.” 

At dinner, because of the amount of people and size of the table, I couldn’t quite speak to everyone.  Naturally, the answer to this was to start playing telephone.  After that worked once, I remember we had phones and could text to the rest of the party.  Dinner was amazing.  I wasn’t the only one who thought so because Jen turned to me at one point and said, “I'd like to make love to these potatoes. I don't know the biomechanics of that, but I definitely would if it was possible.”

After dinner a cake arrived.  And I swear that I heard someone ask: Is it herpes flavored?
Laina: No, but it can be if we pass around a fork. 
Mo had requested coconut flavored cake with peanut butter filling.
Laina: I wanted Champagne flavored.
Mo: You mean Cham-PLAIN.
Sorry, Laina, I know I never got to try the Champagne flavor, but I have to agree with Mo – that cake was delicious – and I was still hankering for some more Saturday morning. 
When Mo tried to feed Laina with a “bite” of cake, it was a VERY large bite. Another friend, eloquently remarked, “He knows how big your mouth is.”

Jen: I think I have cake in my shirt.
Rach: Open that up, Jen. 
Jen: It’s great; it’s like a little purse!
                *I actually don’t remember if that last quote went there, but it seemed appropriate. :P)

I pulled up the music for an ice cream truck on YouTube and played it very loudly on my phone to mock a couple at the party that had to listen to it through their vows.  The husband (who had told the story to me) heard the music and said, “How did you do that!?”
Rach: How does anything happen?
(In my drunken haze, I thought this was so funny that I think I stopped breathing for a bit.)

Laina: We're gonna have some fantastic sex tonight.
Shana: Are we all invited?
Jen: We’re going to Karaoke. Are they coming?
Shana: No those two are going downtown.
Jen: And by downtown, you mean down town.   

Jen:  Earlier, I had left my purse on a chair.  As guys were rearranging the chairs, Mo’s friend was about to move the chair that had my purse so I went to retrieve it.  As I did so, Mo said, “See, she saw a black guy was about to touch her purse and she said, “Oh, wait, that's mine!”

We all went to Karaoke and Mo insisted on singing Seal’s “Kiss from a Rose.”  Now, I had heard about his love of this song, and even had seen pictures of him singing it.  Laina told me that on their third date he was all, “I want Kiss from a Rose” to be our song.  To which Laina said, “Has that even ever played when we’ve been together?”  Mo was undeterred, he got up on that stage and sang with such fervor and passion that it could bring a tear to your eye – or maybe that was from the laughter because he was (and I love you man) awful.  Truly, truly horrendous.  Through my hysterical laughter I heard Laina yell, “I love you, terrible singing voice and all!” It was a magical moment to say the least. 

Oh! I can’t remember if I told you that Mo and Laina got engaged.  In case I didn’t, here’s the story.  Mo brings Laina up to the roof deck and presents three ring boxes, saying, “I’ll let you choose two boxes and if you pick the one with the ring in it, I’ll propose to you.”  Free of any pressure, Laina, studies the boxes and picks up the one that looks the newest…no ring.  She picks up the remaining two, weighs them in her hands and picks the heavier of the two… no ring.  Quickly, before Mo could stop her she opens the third box… no ring.  She looked up at Mo and he reaches into his pocket saying, “Oh that’s right.  It’s in my pocket.”   Isn’t he fun?  When Laina called her mom to tell her, Anita, busy entertaining a friend, responded with, “About time,” as if they had been dating for 8 years rather than a year. 


I spent the rest of the weekend trying to finish my Disney update- and then here I am a week late with this one.  This is a very bad habit I’m getting into.  Lucas, Dawne, Jordan and I have also started to get up at 5:45 every morning so that we can do Yoga and Pilates in the morning.  Adding to the complexity most of the routine is accomplished while Percy is on top of me.  For example, I will be in a plank, and then Percy rests on my back.  As I go into Downward Dog, he little slips down my back.  Could someone do some research to find out if this is the origin of the name? We also went to the dog park a bunch, had Dim Sum with Dr. Rach, and celebrated Memorial Day with ribs at Shana Dueux’s.  I hope you had a great week!

Totally random but it made me chuckle: