Monday, November 30, 2009

Black Eye Friday

I think every Thanksgiving in which I make it through the whole day without crying is a raging success.  With that measurement tool—I had a GREAT Turkey day.  There were 40 people at our house for Thanksgiving and I knew at least 60% of them.  For example in this picture: 


I only know 2 people.  In fact one of the women in this picture gave me a lecture about what a Manger was during our “Craft Time” Nativity making project b/c I accidently used Manger and Nativity synonymously.   You knew what I was talking about buddy!   I bet you would like to see some of the results of that creativity wouldn’t you?


 I wonder which one is my team’s.  Maybe it’s the one with the black sheep, drummer boy, mosaic star of David, blue octopus and three Weisman. J Maybe.  

Oooh!  Paisley made these sweeeeet cupcakes… and I’m only going to show you mine b/c it’s the only one I bothered to take a picture of. 


Luckily I did b/c about 20 minutes later Zach used that candle in the background to light my flag on fire. 
Speaking of baked goods… I’m going to write a book.  It’s going to be called I Apply Heat Well: The Art of Baking Without Actually Baking.  I made a new dessert on Thursday, three pies which were completely devoured in a heartbeat.  I realize this is going to be a very small book with lots of pictures, but I think every page will end with “If it starts looking brown, then you’ve cooked it too long and you should just throw it out.”  Look for it on shelves at a bookstore near you! You’ll know it by its clever cover: 


In case you were wondering, I failed to complete my task of finishing all my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving.  I blame this partially on my sister buying my nephews what I was going to get them, and partially on the fact that buying stocking stuffers online is such a bad idea that I forced myself to actually go shopping.  Dawne wanted to hit up the 4 am Black Friday sales after I said “I did that once and I’ll never do it again.”  We successfully got out of it this year b/c we didn’t plan in advance… but I’m pretty sure I’ll be risking my life at a retail shop near you next year.  Something to look forward to. 


We caught the Fabulous Mr. Fox last night… is it possible that George Clooney is even cooler as a fox?  I think I need to re-read all of the Roald Dahl books b/c he is the awesome.  We also started Ally McBeal, and watched Prince & Me and Prince & Me 2 again.  I emphasize again b/c the second Prince & Me was such an insult to anyone who had watched Prince and Me that I cannot believe we had forgotten our outrage and watched it a second time.   Basically all I can really say is that we really entertained Zach and Nate on their trip home!


We also watched the SNL Holiday Special DVD  while putting up the tree this year.  Nothing says Happy Holiday’s like Alec Baldwin’s Schweddy Balls: 

And on that delicious note… I hope you all have a super awesome week!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Break me off a Piece of that... Turkey

So much has happened!  Though it might not be the best-one-i-cous… I think you’ll enjoy the multi-media-cus of this weeks edition… 

I hope you all took the time to watch my bff Al Gore on 30-Rock.  I thought it was particularly hilarious that he took the quote he has plastered all over his book and then said “Like the Old African saying that I made up...”  In case you missed it:

According to Tina Bo Bina, Jacob is actually 35.  Pamela is convinced he’s more like 50.  I am comfortable with 25.  Either way… he is delic… and I don’t feel at all guilty about saying it, or thinking it.

Tina: I wonder if his parents had to sign a release form for this picture.
Shana: Mmmmmm Stairway to Heaven
Rollie: Is that what that’s called?  Lord knows I’ve never seen that before…


New Moon Party was a success… Watching Twilight with Shana as she yelled “SHOT!” every time Bella bit her lip or put her hair behind her ear… took the entertainment level to a whole new level.  I just loved that I was wearing the same exact necklace as Alice… during the movie… b/c I am that cool.  Oh… and Jimmy Kimmel wanted to share a trailer for all of those who haven’t converted yet… (Seriously, you’ll love it even if you aren’t a fan of the movie.)
And if you are a not a Robert Pattison fan (You know I’m not—and it’s not just b/c of this: ), but are a Daniel Radcliff fan… and missed the craze of this video that happened months ago, or just want to enjoy it again… here it is again.
This morning… Tina asked me if I had watched the football game this weekend.  Confused b/c we were just talking about Jacob...  Oh just watch and see:

Rollie was watching it with his parents at dinner and his mom asked “Are they on the same team?”
Okay let’s see, Monday, I got another migraine and had to cancel dance. Tuesday I became best friends with Al Gore. Wednesday was birthday dinner with Matty Matty Simpson. Thursday was my first dance lesson.  Friday, Jason helped me move a kayak up from the shore b/c the water level is rising.  I swear this kayak was heavier than the one I carried the day before.  As we were maneuvering it over the stream I twisted my ankle.  Jason said “At least it wasn’t me this time.”  Then, b/c I didn’t want to be that girl who cancels dance twice in a week, I danced for two hours straight that night.  It was hella hurty on my way home… just touching the clutch made me want to cry.  But at least I learned the Tango and the Cha Cha right?  When I told Sean that I hurt my ankle, he said “I told you that speed dating was dangerous.  You need to slow down.  Did you wear a helmet?”  I assured him that I would, when the time came, wear a helmet so that guys knew right away how special I am.


In all seriousness, that a”Bom”ination that is the new mouse got our wonderful and entertaining Pudgy sick.  We could tell something was wrong, but this morning she looked half dead.  It was so super sad.  Dawne called around to find a vet that would look at her.  When she brought Pudgy in she said “Listen, I know it’s just a 3 dollar mouse, but it’s MY mouse.” The doctor thinks she has pneumonia… I sure hope he can do something… I’m really not happy with Bom right now.  And Thanks, I’ll just assume that you all sent me back this card in response:


Maureen is getting a hotel in the city for her in the boys Wednesday night so that the boys can see the balloons blown the night before and then wake up early and see the parade.  The boys kept saying “Yay! A hotel!” and she kept saying “and we’ll see the parade.”  “Uh huh, ya mom, a hotel! Will there be a pool!!”  Dawne and I gave her instructions to take lots of pictures and footage so that we could do a slide show and feel like we did it with them.  Maureen—This is for realz.  Don’t disappoint. 

Also let me know if you see that Jamaican guy that saved our Thanksgiving.  Oh I should tell that story first.  One year, when I was young, let’s say 7?, my parents took us down to the Parade.  Unfortunately, on the way down there, we got a flat tire.  So, Sean and Mo took me to the parade while my parents found a way to get a new tire.  When we got back, Frita told us how they couldn’t find anyone who was open to help, but then this Jamaican guy showed up and sold him a tire.  Sean and Maureen asked what he looked like and it was determined that it was the same guy that we had seen a couple blocks away jacking up a car and taking a tire off of it.  So we came back to Jefferson Valley, and had dinner with the McDonough’s and when asked to say grace Maureen piped up and said “And thanks to that Jamaican guy who stole that tire for us.  Amen!”


I imagine this might be what our crowd looks like, not discussing health care, but after the result come in from the manger building contest at our Thanksgiving Day.  I’ll save the rest of the Thanksgiving stories until after… Have a good one!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I know b/c he told me.

I know it’s Wednesday—but I this is time sensitive.

We went to go see Al Gore speak last night followed by a book signing.   Hays, Jen and I hung out waiting for the line to get to the end so we could jump on and be one of the last people.  As Hays handed Al Gore his book, Hays said “Thanks for the Hope.”  Next, I handed him my book and said “I loved you in 30-Rock.”  And then Al Gore said “I’m going to be on it again this week!” (me) “Sweet!!” 

And now I’ll have nothing to say on Monday… but at least you didn’t miss a good episode. J

Monday, November 16, 2009

Plan into Action

Tina gives us Soccer Updates everyday to let us know how Kara rocked the day before—until last Wednesday when disaster struck.  Kara, the striker, who had taken her team to regional’s, who was the lead in every sports article and who has never missed a penalty kick… missed.  That story is not funny.  It’s very sad, but I had to tell it order to tell this story… that I do think is very funny.  Kara received this text from a boy on Friday:


Reminds me of that time on Saturday when Shana found out a guy who she was convinced was gay, was not, and immediately came up with a brilliant course of action.  I should detail it for you so that you understand it fully and can try it out next time you are interested in someone.  Shana: “Right.  I’m going to go pull his hair.  That’s my plan.”   Happy Belated “Dirty 30” to Shana Deuex… and if you skip to the 4th image you’ll see how much we enjoyed celebrating with you:


Last Wednesday, I went to a dance studio for an open house with Rach, Shana, Mangotti and two of Shana’s friends.  Rach and I signed up for lessons… and then our instructor was talking to Laina (who has been taking lessons for a while) and he said he felt really bad b/c during the open house he had told Patrick and Jaime to pair up with Rach and I --not even realizing that we were all gay.  Long story short, Rach and I have to call and make sure we have separate lessons so that one of us doesn’t have to learn the lead.  


I have been calling Maureen for help with Math HW.  This is what I have learned from trying to help Lucas.  One, despite my aversion to Math, I can do hella problems in my head.   Two, if I can’t do it in my head, I think I’m wrong (b/c shouldn’t it be an even #?! Why would you make a problem that didn’t work out evenly?  This isn’t real life!) so then I call Maureen to ask what I’m doing wrong only to find out that I can actually do an 8th graders homework… which is doubly cool b/c I think I skipped 8th grade Math… Thanks Mr. Rapelje!


While it may be a lil late… I am not one to ignore a good someecard opportunity.  And for my associated story, if I were to have a “Where were you when” moment… I was in my grand-parents living room when my parents explained to me everything about the Berlin Wall and all of its associated political history.  I was completely fascinated… but I also think I had a lil kid impression of what the wall was… which was completely shattered when I watched the wall come down on TV… and even more so later, when I got a commemorative piece of it… so without further ado:


In other missed opportunities… I had the pleasure of working on Veteran’s day so I could lay about all day in gratitude to all of our fine vets… but that doesn’t mean I don’t have an irreverent card to add to the mix:


This week is pretty thin on activities (possibly because I spent at least 24 hours being a Debbie Downer until finally I cried for two hours straight and got some of my Polly Positive back.)  So even though I haven’t spoken to you about future things since I made resolutions a while back and then didn’t do any of them, I’ll break my own protocol in order give you a satisfying Monday Email experience.  After much prodding, I got into gear.  In addition to starting dance lessons & entering a trampoline dodge ball tournament, I am also signing up for Flag Football (no, I have no idea how to play) with Shana, and volleyball (possibly by myself, but then if I quit I still have some other activity to fall back on—I like to plan even my quitting ahead of time) and I signed up for speed dating (10 dates, one outfit? I’m IN!).  My sister said she saw something on TV about speed dating and how there are some really crazy people, and some terribly boring people and then some cool people and then asked “Who are you going to be?”  Good Question!  Janette said we would go more than once, so maybe we can try all three!!  Sean asked if I was going to practice before hand… I was like “Practice what? Not being sarcastic for 7 minutes?  You know I can’t do that.”


Since I haven’t received a home video of my nieces and nephews getting their groove on, I will instead share with you a legend before his time:

And on that brilliant note… I bid you adieu! 

Monday, November 9, 2009

Yes, I still have laundry in the drier.

40th Anniversary of Sesame Street
I find it ironic that this was the image I saw when I looked up when the second season of True Blood was coming out. 
Do you know what happens when you make your only goal for the entire weekend to do your laundry?  That’s right… you end up watching season one of True Blood…. And love every minute of it.  NOT a mom friendly show (not just my mom, though my mom was scared of Buffy the Vampire Slayer—the one with Luke Perry and Donald Sutherland) but for any mom who isn’t a fan of lots of blood and sex, and not necessarily separately.  Again, Sorry Janette for blowing off Karaoke... but I can’t say I didn’t put the time to good use.  Oddly enough, my boss at DC told me I would love True Blood… and I was like sure sure… and then never did.  Why do I insist on learning things the hard way? 
I assume they are talking about Sesame Street in that card… b/c otherwise I won’t be able to get bBack to the 40th anniversary of Sesame Street for a minute.   I mentioned that everything I learned, I learned from Sesame Street and the Muppets yesterday in conjunction with explaining that mice love lots of other mice.  I mean Rizzo the Rat had thousands of brothers and sisters, and he seemed to be totally cool with that.  I said this to reassure Dawne after Pudgy tried to smother Bom yesterday.   Let’s go back… way back, to when I had that mouse loose in my room for three weeks and couldn’t sleep… yes, we like to call her Pudgy.  And she’s grown on me… pretty cute (when she is in a cage) and I like how she has lil hands with lil digits.  Just as I was getting to like Pudgy, Lucas decides he needs another mouse.  A White Devil Eyes Mouse which I can’t support.  She’s a baby—but I’m calling her Bom for “Abominable Snowman” and b/c Dawne can’t remember why I want to call her Bom… and often forgets Pudgy’s name… I think I can get it to stick. 
I felt car sick yesterday (see I got out of the house), which is basically a first.  Now I feel bad about mocking Eva for so many years.  Not terribly bad b/c mockery is the basis of any of my really good relationships, but still, it sure is an icky feeling.  I hope it’s not going to turn into a regular thing.  Which brings me to, what is up with getting older?  I was expecting the normal getting older stuff, but this whole mysterious allergies and other weaknesses thing just popping up in the last couple of years is so messed up.  Is it just me?  Or are you all having this happen to you and I just didn’t get the memo? 
While I may be growing new allergies, it turns out I am NOT allergic to trampolines.  In fact I found this new “Sky High Sports” gym that is totally all trampolines and a foam pit.  So awesome.  Now I just need 5 friends to agree to enter a Trampoline Dodge ball tournament on Dec 7th.  And by convince, I mean send me a note with your willingness to bounce and compete in response to this email. Kthxbye.
Lucas was trying to define Hipster to me.  He said they wear skinny jeans, listen to music no one’s heard of, and drink lots of PBR. ( ) As I joined Janette at the SoDo Showbox for Ghostland Observatory, and saw handfuls and handfuls of PBR Cans… I can now say he was right.  Janette also told me the guy in the band sometimes comes out in a cape and danced around ...only it was real loud… and I thought she said Cake… so I was disappointed with the red flowing fabric down his back when it wasn’t frosting.  Otherwise, the laser light show was cool. I didn’t have a seizure from the strobe lights.  And I know at least one chick in Seattle thinks I’m super hot.   (I’ll take ego boosts wherever I can get them.)  Pretty much a successful night.  Oh! And there were these two chicks with matching sequin butterfly shirts that were crazy dancing… and this guy came to dance with them while they were dancing low to the ground with his crotch in their face, until butterfly one  said “I am going to hit your penis very, very, very soon” and b/c he didn’t step away  he got knocked in the crotch by her elbow.  She did warn him.
I was surprised I was able to stay got out at all after waking up at 6 am to make it to a City Year breakfast.  I dressed up, wore heels, and promised Jordan I wasn’t going on an interview.  (He didn’t believe me.) It was lovely, but made me feel a lil bad about not doing anything at all for the community.  Not bad enough to do anything about it, but still.
I am going to steal some of Maureen’s awesome stories b/c she has so many I don’t think she’ll mind.  Today we’ll feature my Godson Kevin. 
(Maureen has received a phone call from Kevin’s teacher earlier that day.)
Mo:  Kevin, how was your day?
Kevin: It was great! Had a good day. 
Mo: Ya? Nothing happened?  Did any of the kids touch you?
Kevin: Sure Mom, we played tag at recess.
Mo: What about in class?
Kevin: Oh ya.  One kid put his hands around my neck and squeezed.
Mo: Are you okay?
Kevin: Yep, I’m okay. I’m good.
Mo: What happened did you say anything to him? Have fight?
Kevin: I don’t know. Nothing happened. Sometimes he just makes bad decisions Mom. 

(Maureen and the Boys are at the table doing homework, Kyle is 4, Kevin is 5 going on 6)
Kevin:  Hey Mom, what do you think about this drawing Kyle did?
Mo: I think it’s nice.  I like what he’s done with the feathers.
Kevin:  Kyle?  What do you think about your drawing?
Kyle:  I think it’s pretty good.  I worked hard on it.  I like it.
Kevin: Really?  B/c it looks like a bunch of squiggles to me.  You’ve got a purple face with a bunch of squiggles. 

(Mo tells me Kyle must have taken the constructive criticism well b/c the next day his turkey had a red face, brown body, and far less “squiggles.”)

I put that Yankee T-Shirt Scott McD got me when I was leaving NY this week also… and since everyone already know how I ignored my ignorance of sports and claimed and flaunted a winning team that I had not watched a single minute of all season…I’ll skip that story and just share some great someecards: 
I don’t know who this jimmy guy is but…
And even though Lisa McD already got from her husband I’m going to send it out b/c that way I don’t have to try and spell that other teams name again. 

Monday, November 2, 2009

A Sweet Adieu to Halloween

Without any influence by me, my itunes have played 3 Christmas songs.   And it had to work to find them… so I can only assume that itunes and I are subconsciously ready for the wonder and goodness that is the Holiday season.  
However, before I move on, I should tell you about Halloween.  I’ve given it some thought, and I just adore Halloween.  Halloween is all fun, excitement, cheer and candy without the obligations, travel, or present purchasing.  I don’t have to feel guilty about being too commercial or selfish or thoughtful.   It’s not too cold yet.  You still get to decorate.  There are lots of fun activities like pumpkin carving, costume making, haunted houses, corn maizes, pumpkin seeds…sooo much good stuff!  And as we say good-bye to another great Halloween season lets show off some killer costumes.  My award for accuracy and effort goes to Roy IV:
Victoria Insects?
Oinker Marchetti
Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf
I still don’t know what Sean was:
The last time I won a costume contest was Spook Night in 5th grade when I dressed up as a pregnant nun.  Until this year that is when we won at Cha Cha’s.  First place won a wake board (which none of us had any desire to carry around) but 2nd place, with a far superior prize of 100 bucks, was awarded to none other our rendition of the Ghostbusters!!  At the end of the night, after the bars had shut down, and everyone was on the street… and we were waiting in line for pizza, we saw this ghost in a white sheet cross the street and we all ran out and “pew pew’d” him with our lasers until he was wriggling on the ground… and then Rach AKA Stay Puft came to his rescue.  Yea… we were a real crowd pleaser.  I would insert a picture of the greatness that was our costume… but I haven’t gotten the image from Janette yet (hint hint).  But this is what the ghost costume looked like:
Switching gears:  When Zach and Nate were lil they had this Russian nanny.  Nate told me she used to yell at him in a foreign language (one can only assume Russian) until he figured it out.  I am told also, that she is a lovely person, with lovely daughters.  I have met them once or twice in the last 15 years… but over all I don’t know them all that well.  Well the Babushka Nanny arrived on Thursday, and in the absence of D&J I greeted and showed them to their space.  With 5 minutes I had inadvertently started an argument… that she would not drop over whether or not she had been to the beach house at Zach’s bar mitzvah.  Awk – Ward.  And then the next day, she walks over to the brown house while I’m working… so I stop and show her around and tell lil stories about the boys… and she says “and you?  Who is your love?”  When I told her that I am currently single… she said “This is not good for you.  You need to change your life.  Right now.”  Alllllrighty then. 
  I was going to rant about this whole “VIA” campaign but I think this card says it all:
Rollie brought the ladies in some fine “Forbidden Fruit” Sweethearts… Featuring New Moon which “taste like teenage girl lip gloss.”  YUM and YUM!

Sorry Sean--I should have gotten that right away.  Spitting image.