Monday, April 19, 2010

Oh So Very Classy


On Friday night I actually said “I cannot WAIT to write my Monday email this week.”  Yet, Monday morning proved that I actually could wait.  Imagine that. 
Last week I read 5 ½ books by Christopher Pike (I’m trying to drag the last one out.)  Shana gave it to me for my birthday and I was very excited b/c a) my mother never let me read Christopher Pike b) it was about Vampires and c) Teen lit is my new go-to-reading material.  Subsequently I have contacted several young’ins to find out what they are reading at the moment.  I don’t need your approval b/c I know Cristi will back me up on this.  Shana also got me a book on how to be Classy and frankly it made me so upset that at one point I may have thrown it across the room—take that for lady-like behavior. 

So I managed to not have to go shamefully alone on the one day cruise that we decided to go on in May b/c Becky is the kind of girl who is always up for a good time.  We’re going to take a train up to Vancouver and cruise it back to Seattle—but before that we have promised to have an Oreo’s taste test.  Rumor has it that the Oreo’s up in Canada are not only better but that they are made with, get this, NATURAL ingredients.  I know, it sounds made up so we’ll just have to wait and see how to the blind taste test goes.   Oh, and Shana made me try Chocolate Chip and Bacon Cookie Dough and I was shocked to find that I was the only one who did NOT care for it. 

Maureen has been coaching the track team—and last week I got a phone call at around 9:30 as she was just getting back from a meet.  There were 6 teams competing and ½ way through the meet the 5 other teams came up to Sleepy Hollow to see if they had any knowledge of their many iPods and iPhones that had suddenly gone missing.   Naturally this would be disturbing in any situation, but I thought it was particularly upsetting given that the thief had broken the “wallet in the toe of the shoe at the beach” rule.  I mean, how many of us have been at a game and left our bags out confident that no one would break the unwritten code that we all have our stuff laying out here during the game so we need to respect everyone’s vulnerability.   Mo said that one girl had been given several iPods by the main thief but waited to speak up saying “I didn’t know.”  No, it was just coincidental that she was holding 5 extra iPods in her purse.  Sounds to me like these fine folks might just be in track so they can learn how to run from the cops… Just sayin’.

Becky asked me this week “Is there going to be more of your nephew stories this week?  I love your nephews.  If my niece was that funny maybe I would pay attention to her.”  Well… Mo got a call about writing a curriculum for a 6 hour course and 6 year old Kevin said “I think you should do it Mom.  I mean I’m not forcing you to. You can make your own decisions.  I just think it would be a good idea.”  So young and yet so wise.

My first date happened on Thursday.  I show up to this teeny bar which is empty, so I know Svend from Denmark has not arrived yet, so I wait outside.  As I’m standing there, this other gentleman starts talking to me, and were chatting and laughing when Svend shows up so we go into the bar.  We chat for about an hour when he needs to use the restroom, and immediately when he leaves these two guys next to me start chatting with me and we’re having a fun conversation when Svend returns and I try to wrap up that new conversation while Svend asks if I want to go to Cowgirls, Inc (which is basically like Coyote Ugly with chicks dancing on the bar.)  So we head over there and the girls are dancing and I’m all “I did that once—they let anyone up there” only now were in a loud bar in which we have to yell to hear each other.  That lasted all of 30 minutes before I gave up and said I was ready to go.  And no, I didn’t go back to the first bar to find the other guys, and yes, I regret that inaction. 

Friday, after going out for drinks we hit up a bar/restaurant for some food and that’s when my love possibilities doubled.   A man who I’m still not sure whether or not was he was homeless, full grey beard sporting athletic shorts comes to the empty backroom that we were occupying and asks us for the time.  When we said it was 1:29, he told us that was his favorite number.  He then proceeded to take out a wad of around 30 random sheets of paper (that he had collected and then folded twice) and remove one sheet and writes on the back of it the number 29, and before Laina could tell him to circle it he already had a semi-circle finished.  He then asked me if I wanted to see a James Taylor and Carole King concert.  Now, here’s where I might have led him on.  See I love James Taylor and Carole King so I hesitated a bit before saying that I would love to, but that I had just met him.  As he wrote down his contact information and the other details, Rach and Laina questioned why I should go to the concert with him. 

Friends: Why should she go with you?
Old Man: B/c she gorgeous.
Friends: No, we know why everyone would want to go with her, but why would she want to go with you.
Old Man: Well, she’s blonde and beautiful…
Friends: No, we get it.  We understand her appeal, what is yours?
Old Man: See you’re lovely, she’s pretty, but This one here… she is really something.
Friends: We’re going to need a list of attributes.
Old Man: I’m a nice guy. (writes that down.)  I have a heart of gold. (writes that down.) I would give the shirt off of my back to a guy in the gutter or the president… really to anyone that I meet.  (writes that down.)  Other guys might be fearful (writes that down) but I’m not.  I live my life.
Friends: Now do you have the tickets?
Old Man: Oh no, but I know a guy (points to cell phone.)  I can give him a call.  When’s your birthday?
Me: April 7th.
Old Man: Oh, well mine’s April 30th. Aries and Taurus that’s no good—but it’s just a concert.  You give me a call before April 30th and we’ll go. 

And do you know what I love most about this story? It’s not that he provided notes (though that is helpful):
He also gave me the blue prints of where we’re going to live… including the walk in closet!

Don’t worry. Yes, we all cleansed our hands after accepting the piece of paper.  Yes, I promise to call him on his birthday—and yes, I decided to go to the concert.  Just not with him.  Although, how awkward would it be if we bumped into each other? Oh Noes!


Some of you might know that I have serious mood swings about these emails I send out, and while it may crush the very last piece of my self-worth, I think it might be nice to get a note back saying that, I don’t know, you received this, or that you never want to receive another, or hell, go crazy and tell me what’s going on with you.  Roy suggested a simple email with the text “gyro” would do as well if you don’t want to strain yourself.  A “Get out of Jail Free” card has been extended to Jim and Maureen for responding to every email I’ve ever sent.  You are the wind beneath my wings. 

In other news, I printed out over 1200 pictures the other day.  I tried to be all discreet by using the machine but it literally started blinking and freaking out telling me it was TOO MUCH! TOO MUCH! And I needed to seek professional help… from the chick at the counter that is. 

I also went to a Beauty School to get my hair did by the only male in the whole school.  (I told Shana’s hair salon owning friend this story and about how he
hated blow drying and he very perceptively deduced that he was also straight.)  It was 4 ½ hours of beautifying, but the delightful activity and drama was entertaining.  After making a funny comment under his breath then apologizing, he told me not only did he learn a new level of mocking at beauty school he also learned how to gossip and be passive aggressive.  Ah, the not so beautiful underbelly of cosmetology.

Yesterday, I met this chick from Chicago.  In an effort to make small talk, I mentioned that I had just watched Pirate Radio, and despite my lackluster feelings for Phillip Seymore Hoffman, I really loved the movie.  She was appalled to hear my thoughts on PSH, I told her two movies that I didn’t like that he was in, she said “but he won academy awards for those!”  Here’s the thing, I know he’s a fine actor, but I never like the characters he chooses to play, so I don’t run out to see his movies.  She then inquired after an actor I did like, and when I told her John Cusack she says “Yea.  John and Joan Cusack used to baby-sit for me.”  

AND THEN SHE JUST GOT UP AND WALKED AWAY!  Who does that to a girl!?

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