Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Blonde In Need Of Backup.

When asking for advice today, Roy told me to do whatever I want.  Can you imagine?  Just “do whatever you want.”  I tested the waters, tried it out, with very promising results.  This, my friends, might just be the very best and very worst advice I have ever received.  I’ll keep you posted. 


What do you think about a person who responds to my match profile (that begins with a total mocking of anyone who takes pictures of themselves in the mirror) who has as their main picture a shot of themselves in the mirror?  Do you think there is any chance at all that they see the irony?  Then again, maybe I should instead be focusing on the fact that they called me “sexy chops.” 


I know this may shock you, but I am a member of the sarcasm society… and today they shared some quotes from the Simpsons.  Ironically, Luke and I had a conversation last week on whether or not the Simpsons would replace Shakespeare in the future.  I know.  Good question, right? 


I have two plane stories.  One (and I am not judging here):  There were two people sitting next to me on my way out to NY.  One was a guy in his late 50s early 60s and one was a chick who was in her early 30s, and while I cannot say for certain, it seemed as though the 5 hour trip was just one long first date.  Last night, I saw them exit the same plane and they were no longer on their first date, and they didn’t seem to be acting as if their first getaway was as lovely as they would have hoped.  I can’t tell you how badly I wanted to ask them what the deal was.  If only I were more outgoing.  Two:  This mother/daughter duo was sitting behind me, and behind them was a baby crying.  I kept hearing the mother say “I wonder if they have a binky.  I should ask.  Do you have a binky?  Oh they can’t hear me and I can’t turn around.  I should really ask if they have a binky.  Do you have a binky?” 

I was just interrupted for an hour and ½ when Luke came into my room and told me his “epic” life story from Cactus Arts, to his Quadruple line Les Paul, to Allium (all while being ADHD side tracked with yellow rubber bands and wobbly knobs and concerns about his “sausage fest” band) all while repeatedly checking himself out in the window to see how his air drumming looked, until we came full circle and he was not only exhausted but his voice hurt.  I only wish that I had been taking notes b/c I was seriously cracking up and now there’s simply too much to contain in one of these emails.

And all I could think was what reaction was this woman expecting?  Did she have a binky to offer if they didn’t have a binky?  Or was she simply pointing out the obvious that they should use the tools available to them to pacify their child.  This too will also go unanswered, not b/c I am not outgoing but b/c I still have no idea how I could have ascertained the answer without being entirely too condescending for anyone’s good.

Erika Jane trashed my hopes and dreams the other day when she told me that there was a guy on Martha Stewart who owns a bakery and Brooklyn called half baked and he not only taught the world how to make Brookies, he called them BROOKIES.  There goes my back up plan folks. 
(b/c  there weren’t any good Martha jokes…)


Speaking of Martha and stealing, I stole one of her ideas for decorating eggs and really tricked out my masterpieces this year.  Even Sean realized that I had raised the bar to new heights.  He also denied making 12 dozen eggs every year when we were younger and delivering a personalized egg to everyone in the neighborhood.  Why would anyone be ashamed of that?  We were coolness personified until the last year when we did it b/c it was still fun to decorate eggs but I was no longer cute when delivering them.  Ironically, this year was the first year that Carla and I wore flats for Easter and it was also the first year that we did not have to hide the eggs (heels slipping into the soft ground) for the egg hunt.   Oh! And Patrick snuck into the house Easter morning and hid eggs for me (b/c he’s awesome and knows that even if it is my birthday today I will never be too old to hide eggs. And yes, I shamelessly slipped this reminder in) and yes, the Easter bunny hid my basket for me.  And all is right with the world. 


After Mo’s surgery last week, Kevin went downstairs and had a chat with his father.  He told Pat that if he was going to sleep in the same bed with mommy (and he didn’t recommend it) that he had to sleep all the way on the other side of the bed.  Ya know, b/c when you’re sleeping, you might move around and he wanted to make certain that Mo didn’t get hurt.  Doesn’t he sound sweet?  Well the very next day he went to the Dentist and when then Dentist told him to behave or he would send his mother out of the room Kevin replied “I don’t care, she can leave.” 


Banana told me that she started a Bucket List in honor of her 1/3 life crisis.  On her list, along with running a marathon and building a garden was dying her hair blonde.  I told Debina about this and we discussed how clearly she couldn’t just dye her hair blonde.  I mean some people are blondes and some people are brunettes—she just doesn’t have the coloring, why would she do this to her beautiful hair—yadda yadda until we both paused and Debina said “Who are we kidding, she’ll look fabulous.  She always looks fabulous.”  So true.  So true.  This led to a discussion about how Mrs. Hall will out right tell a girl that her hair is getting dark and she needs to dye it back to blonde which Maureen protested saying that she personally has Kevin colored hair in the winter and Kyle or Patrick colored hair in the summer and she would personally send a picture down to Mrs. Hall to show her how great it looked in both seasons.  We then imagine Mrs. Hall getting these updated pictures, not of my nephews, but of Maureen on a quarterly basis, in an envelope with no explanation and the hilarity ensued. 

Have a great day guys!

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