Monday, March 21, 2011

Olive Branch Allergy

With only 4 days worth of material I thought you might get a light issue this week—but lucky for you, I was very wrong. 

Lucas offered Nate a potato chip last night and when Nate said he didn't want it, Luke said, "I can't believe you just said “no” to my olive branch Nate.  My delicious salt and vinegar covered olive branch. My oil soaked offer of peace.”

Becky: So my mom said that when they were younger they had to cover their heads in church.
My Mom: We did too.  They were like doilies.
Becky: She said she used to put a Kleenex on her head when she couldn’t find the doily.
My Mom (Appalled): Oh no. We NEVER did that.  We had these nice lace things that we kept neatly folded in our purses and would attach with a bobby pin.  Actually we used to think that we wore it out of respect for God.  We found out later it was out of respect for men and promptly stopped doing it all together. 

Becky went out with some people from work.  When they got the bill they split it evenly and someone said to leave a 10 dollar tip.  Becky immediately replied “I’m going to tip 11 dollars so that I look better.”

When I pressed the walk button it immediately replied “WAIT.” To which I yelled “No!” Don’t tell ME what to do Walk Sign.

 Me: You don’t eat eggs?
Lucas: The only ovaries I eat are fruit.

Rach describing our friends to a stranger: I’d actually say that Jen is the MOST inappropriate.  (I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jen so proud.)

Jen, after Rach massaged her thigh: It’s okay because she’s a doctor.  You can let her touch you anywhere.

I made a comment about Becky’s husband, which of course, when she re-told the story, was completely not what I said.  The basic idea was that Jared liked the level of ridiculous that Becky brought into his life and he would be sad if she started being normal.  Jared responded by saying “I understand that you’re being ridiculous to make me happy but what is Tiffany’s excuse?”

Laina had a couple of us over for dinner on Friday in which Missy made a yummy Irish dinner and Jen made a Guinness and Bailey’s icing cake.   Here are some highlights of the evening for your enjoyment. 

Someone mentioned that Lily, Jen’s 4 year old, had lovely nail polish on.  Lily then presented her nails to the table like this… which will forever be the standard on showing off any manicures from now on. (If only they were also pointy—like claws.)

Shana was telling us that she knew her father had started thinking of her has a buddy when he told a joke and then wacked her across the chest with the back of his arm like “Heh. That was funny huh?”  As she was telling us about her recovery from the blow Laina decided to speak on behalf of Shana’s Dad by saying “Hey, I paid for those.”  Shana, answered by explaining that due to some tricky financing actually “Lexus paid for those” to which Hays said “Then you better hope they don’t recall your assets.”  This led to discussing the age of Shana’s twins and an inquiry as to whether or not she planned to have a Bat Mitzvah when they turned 13—complete with a yarmulke for each. 

Laina: Sorry I haven’t shown you my new house yet.
Hays: That’s alright.  I still haven’t seen my entire house.

Shana: I had a teacher that was so adorable.
Hays: I bet he’s still available.

Missy’s Dad: Does Laina know that her boyfriend is gay?

Shana retold the story of her “Knee-mergency” when she fell on the escalator splitting her knee open and losing her sunglasses. 
Shana: I started crying right there in the mall.
Hays: over the loss of sunglasses or the pain?
Jen: I don’t know what to do! It’s just so BRIGHT!

Laina: They work at the TDB department of Nordstrom’s
Jen: TBD… That’s like just like your job Tiffany!  

Hays, apparently, when he was younger, would hide all of his uneaten vegetables in the central hollow leg of his kitchen table.  It wasn’t until years later that he discovered his siblings were doing the same thing.  My question is… who had the misfortune of finding this accrual of vegetables?

Lily: My parents don’t know how ski at all!! Can’t you believe that!?  (I’ve never seen a 4 year old so mortified by their parents’ lack of knowledge.)

Jen: I’m on the mountain snowboarding.  There a lot of Powder.  Like 12 inches.
Shana: wow! 12 inches!?
Hays: More like a Bakers dozen.
--Later, reusing the term baker’s dozen--
Jen: Shana’s looking for a 13 inch man
Shana: I don’t want a Smurf.

On St. Patrick’s Day I brought Irish Soda Bread to work.  Becky followed me into the kitchen as I cut up and prepared the bread for my co-workers.  She then ran back to her desk as we left the kitchen threatening to send out a companywide email announcing that she had put out Irish Soda bread for everyone to enjoy—you’re welcome!  And then in teeny tiny letters, “(Oh yea.  Tiffany Made it.)”   Whoa Nelly, does she know how to burn my biscuits. 

Rach had come over on Wednesday to make Shepherd’s Pie for her work pot-luck.  She was extremely disappointed to find out that it did not require any kind of pie crust.  When we were done making the SP and ISB, Dawne said, “WOW!  I am really impressed! You guys did a really great job.”  To which I replied, “Thank you for your compliments, but I do not appreciate the surprise in your voice.” 

Dawne: I got a collar for Nala with Rhinestones on it.
Me: Real Rhinestones?
Dawne: Yes.  Though, rhinestones are fake jewels.
Me: hmm. That’s not the smartest thing I’ve ever said.
Nate: Even I know what rhinestones are.
Me: Dude, I already admitted my stupidity.

Becky has convinced her husband that they should, at some point, change both of their last names. While listening to the radio other day she found a possible option to add to the list “McGahey – Hey, Hey!”  Which, surprisingly enough, reminds me of a Friends episode:

I spent some time trying to convince Dawne that I don’t have allergies; I just get headaches consistently between March and April every year.  Later, I told her didn’t want to share my water b/c I might be sick.  Even though, after taking allergy medicine I feel a lot better, I am definitely sick b/c I don’t have allergies.   It’s fun knowing me. 

1 comment:

  1. From Shana: Not that I'm complaining about all of the mentions I received in today's email, however I would like to point out that I did NOT cry in the mall. I had to sit down because I nearly passed out due to pain and quite possibly blood loss, but there were no tears. I am a rock. A soft bleeding rock.