Saturday, January 31, 2015

Abcde is a Girls Name

 Update 1/12 – 1/18

Due to the psychedelic infused Malaria medicine combined with jetlag, my week consisted of forcing myself to stay up until 7PM every night, walking up every 2-3 hours and having the most vivid dreams that I was so completely my awkward self that I was convinced that they had happened.  With that in mind this might be a more brief that the previous updates.

My first night back, I went to the grocery store in attempt to start my new, post Cambodia life-style where I only eat from around the outside of the grocery store.  On my way to my car, I turned around to see Becky and Jared and I screamed in fright.

Me: We should walk, my car is a little cramped with the baby seat in the back.
Christy: Why do you have a baby seat in your car?
Me: Well, you know everyone is either pregnant or have a baby around me and I was just feeling so jealous of not being inconvenienced that I decided that I should spend money on someone other than myself, and feel what my life would be like…
This went on for quite some time until finally, Christy was like, no seriously, why?

Dawne’s Aunt Elizabeth is in town to keep Diana company while she’s dealing with a lot of medical stuff. I offered up my car, and Dawne had bought a baby seat so we put it in my car in case we needed to drive Diana and Harper in a pinch.  Which would totally work if my car wasn’t a Fiat and can only hold a passenger or a baby seat, but not so much both.  In other news, Daphne started walking!!

One night I was guilt-ed into I stayed up past 7PM to play Guillotine for the first time.  As Zach was explaining the rules, only Elizabeth had a question: “Piss Boy” is considered a noble?

Nater: I’m taking your controller… unless you were going to have friends over?
Me: Kelly has her own controller.  Hey, it's happened.
Nater: I know, that's why I asked.

I went for a lovely walk with Dr. Rach on Saturday around (or at least partially around) greenlake followed some breakfast.  As we were crossing the street.
Dr. Rach: Don't go now.
Me: How about now.
Dr. Rach: No! Now is worse.

We had a flood up in the yellow house and realized it when the carpenter came to fix the woodwork damaged from the heroin addict break in.  Later that day, Jordan picked up his phone, to say, “Hi Paco! …. No, I didn’t go up there. I was afraid to.”

My favorite part of this week was a text convo (with names removed for privacy.)

E: Soooooo, I just found out…… I’m having a boy!
Me: yayayayayay! (Family emoji)
A: Wahoo! Congratulations! And good thing I still have boy baby shower items to decorate with! Is ----- still the dad?
E: J It’s so exciting! Good thinking, A.  Yep, ---- is most def the father. Phew!
Me: I’ve already bought him two drum sets.
A: One for upstairs and one for down – excellent thinking, Tiff! (clapping emoji)
E: Wow, gee, thanks? (worried emoji)
O: Yay!! Congrats.  Can’t wait to meet lil Espn Cash ----.
Me: Yup you can take that off the registry.
A: I thought his name was going to be Huntin?
E: We kinda had our hearts set on Abcde.
O: Don’t be foolish, that’s a girl’s name.
A: Lol
Me: Or… Hijk with a Spanish accent.
O: Do you ever want that baby to get on a plane!?!? Especially if he’s a famous drummer.
E: Oh wow, I didn’t realize it was only for girls.  But isn’t cool right now to mix gender norms.
Me: So fetch.
O: I think Espn is more masculine.  You don’t want to give the little dude a complex.
Me: Hmmmmm I’ve also bought him all the princess movies.
E: Yeah, that’s definitely more masculine.  Or what about Cinemax? He can go by Max.  Am I doing this modern baby name thing right? 
E: Tiff, That’s perfect. He’ll be well rounded.
O: Climax would be better.  It marries your love of climbing and the cute nickname Max!!
O: Tiff gives the best gifts!
E: Oh it’s perfect.
Me: Just go with “Doctor.”
O: Doctor Climax ---- does have a nice ring to it.
A: Cinemax/Max is Perfect! Now, do you get the feeling he’ll end up marrying Lily or June?  Keep in mind Lily would want to tie him to a tree.
E: And then when he gets his doctorate, he’ll be Dr. Doctor Climax ----.
O: This is coming together perfectly!
Me: Monogramming the drum sticks now.
E: Lol
O: Damn Tiff, you’re good.
E: A, if he’s a climber, he may be tying himself to a tree.  Maybe he’d be into it.
O: We’ll have to see if Lily has the same tastes in younger men like Auntie A.
E: Her mind is still impressionable.  We can influence her to satisfy our schemes.
Me: Having kids is fun!
O: We’re the best.
A: We ARE the best.  Doctor Climax is lucky! As is Lily.  I’ll let her have my older women, younger men book.  Maybe as an elementary school graduation present.
O: This is all coming together so wonderfully!
A: And O, to answer your question – Reno is proving to be filled with LOTS of Texans in glitzy outfits.  Not sure if the drunk girl in stilettos who was lurking on our hotel floor was a hooker or just someone doing an early walk of shame at 10PM.  Looking forward to seeing what Friday night holds!
Me: I didn’t know you were in Reno! How many times have you gotten married without me!?
A: Funny that you should say that! There is a wedding chapel in our hotel and I want to renew our vows and --- thinks that idea is ridiculous.  I said we haven’t gotten married in 2015 yet so why not? He said it’s only been 4 months since the last one.  I don’t think that’s a good enough reason.
Me: Why doesn’t he love you anymore?

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