Medulla Oblongata

Last week was a bit of an anomaly in that I only went into the office for 4 hours total with the rest of the week working from home while we were stranded during “Snow-travesty 2012.”   There is something about not being able to leave the house that leaves you guilt free to lie about on the couch all day, and it is glorious.  Complete with cheese and chocolate fondue, wine, steak, cookies, breads of every variety really anything that wasn’t on the diet was made last week. 

I opted not to swim and get some work done (I don’t have to say that either, no one from work reads this).  When the rest of the fam came back in after their swim:

Jordan: This pool stuff is dangerous work.

Me (looking at Jordan in a robe): Why do you have a helmet on your head?

Jordan: I told you, it’s ROUGH out there. 

I got up every morning, showered, got dressed and stepped outside to see if I could make it to work.  At one point I actually searched for a shovel, but before I did, I announced that I was going to look for one and Jordan helpfully told me that if I could find one that there was an extra Spatula in the kitchen.  Thanks, Bro.

  

At one point I did get a work email from Kelly and at the bottom of the message it said: PS: I miss you.  It might have been directed to my boss, who was also on the email, but I like to think she was talking directly to me.   I also received many emails from co-workers to confirm that emails were received AKA “Proving I’m still working from home” emails.  I complained about these to my boss, only to get a “Hey did you get my email” email from him the following day and I swear for half a minute a panicked, thinking “I’ve been sitting here for an hour watching Gilmore Girls, and not a single email… oh, you… kidder.”  

At one point, because everyone was messing around with their iPad’s anyway, Lucas put on a skateboarding game.  Mind you, earlier in the day/week, Dawne had this mini-series on the BBC “Lillie” which was 13 episodes of horrendous.  But obviously we were going to watch it because Dawne wanted to.  There were a couple moments in which people actively did not tell her how the remote worked so she couldn’t get to the next episode, but ultimately, all of it was watched.  So, when Lucas started the game:

Dawne: Is watching this skateboarding game better than watching my movie?

Me: Yes. 

Dawne: Let’s take a vote.

Me: Jordan doesn’t get to weigh in.

Jordan: I watched 10 episodes!

Me: Watched? Or had them on while you were around? B/c I saw you put on several and leave the room.  Plus, you have to agree with Dawne.  You’re vote doesn’t count.

Dawne: Fine.  Lucas?

Lucas: Do the letters R-A-D mean anything to you?

Dawne: Zach?

Zach:  This [Skateboarding] is a step above.

Me: I told you!

(also while playing game)

Lucas: Is this how a ship is built?  Like, could you really skate board in a half built boat?

Me: “And could you buy me one daddy?”

Jordan: I hear there is one going for cheap in Italy. 

After watching “Office Space”:

Lucas: He should have taken the money and run.

Me: I couldn’t live with the guilt.

Lucas:  You know, there are scientific ways to deal with your morals.  They hook up electrodes to your medulla oblongata.

Me: Stay away from me at night while I’m sleeping. 

Lucas: Just be careful of your medulla oblongata.  

While watching a British movie that had a briefcase full of cash, Lucas said, “That’s not real money. It’s not green. “

Dawne: Let's watch a movie we have to pay for.

Jordan: Where do you want to watch this movie?

Dawne: Well, I'm already sitting here. 

Jordan: There are lots of free ones...but wait I'll find one we have to pay for. 

Lucas: Chili is the skinniest country in South America.  When people clap they have to clap like this (tiny pats on the sides of his legs.)

Dawne and I thought it would be fun to take a picture of all of us in our “Snow” outfits just to emphasize that Zach wore shorts and a T-Shirt every day.  When we went down to meet someone at the brown house on Friday, he was wearing flannel pants (b/c we made him put pants on to shovel) and sandals.  When we got down there, I asked Zach if he brought the keys down with him.  His reply?  “Look at me?  Do I look like someone who comes prepared?”  I ran back up and got keys. 

Saturday morning I finally got out of the house - first to my photoshop class, and then to meet Jen for a “Bachelorette” day.  We got pedicures, lunch (where Rach joined us), saw The Descendants (apparently it’s not a movie her 6 year old would enjoy), then coffee while waiting for Shana and Laina, followed by dinner and shopping.  Kind of an awesome day actually – though I’m afraid to tell her that isn’t how my typical Saturday goes. : )  While shopping we discovered “Moon Boots.” 

Shana: Do they come in size 11?

Why yes they do!

Trying on the Rainbow ones (which she ultimately bought) Laina: The other ones were too subtle. 

She is totally doing the moonwalk in this picture.  (We also found out that there is no left and right with these shoes because they have memory foam inside so you have to mark them.  Hehe.)

In case you wanted to know what it is like to be my friend in real life, I sent out an email to a couple of friends with the title “Meeting Request: High Horse Hunt”

Dear friends,

I find myself at a loss.  There was a time in which I would proudly sit on my high horse and talk about what I want out of life and love, but I have been thrown from my horse into a muddy puddle full of Settle-ment if you will.  I need a meeting with the express purpose of putting together a list of requirements in my life and future love.  And as board members, I feel like you will be able to fine tune the bare essential Non-Settlement.  For example, if you see me putting down, “Must find a man who is practically perfect in every way.” You can suggest “Able to act practically perfect on special occasions.”  I just feel like I am dangerously close to making bad or maybe just drastic decisions, and I need your help.  After we get a good list of standards or a wish list if you will, then maybe you can use it to get me back on a horse (even a medium sized horse will do.)

Some of you are seated firmly on your own high horses of wedded bliss, or simply more confident in your life choices, and some of you might just want to make your own lists (I’ll share my board with you.)  Either way, it might be fun to mock (I mean support) me for the evening.  I was thinking drinks with “How to Marry a Millionaire” in the background? 

-       Me

Surprisingly, no one questioned this ridiculous invitation.  Though, at the last minute, I almost canceled because I realized I’m actually not strong enough to have my friends tell me that I’m not living my life right and how to change it.  We ended up watching “Married in a Year.” 

I’m not entirely sure how helpful this was, but the chatting was quality chatting.  Plus we wrote down our 5 Non-Negotiable’s and a list of fun date ideas so even if the date was bad, at least you got to do something fun.  The most interesting bit of the movie, I thought, was that she suggested making “Bio Cards” which were kind of like baseball cards for yourself – complete with full length photo one side and stats and contact info on the back.  This way, your great aunt sally can meet a nice young man and hand over your bio card.  Would this picture be inappropriate for great aunt sally?

BDug: Fun girl day?

Me: I’m glad I didn’t cancel.

BDug:  That’s going to be written on your tombstone.

I just hope it’s not carved any time soon. 

Hershey's Kiss

(I know this was this week, and I’m writing about last week, but I’m sending this today so I thought it would work itself out in the end. J )

D and J were out of town last week so I got to hang out with Zach and Lucas.  I’ll gloss over the rough week that we all had between loosing important items, a dog getting so sick that that not only did he create a mess that covered two floors, Zach had to be sick mid-way through cleaning and I am still trying to erase the memory.  Lucas asked me to pull out my spell books to banish his bad luck.  I was telling him that he needed to light a candle, and while he was lighting it, the match started to burn his finger, he let it go, and it melted into the wax and the light went out.  Not a good sign.  Needless to say, we were happy to see them come back home on Friday.  Here are some of the happier highlights. 

Luke: Those cartoon faces with their frowns are highly exaggerated.  No one actually frowns like that.

Me: Actually, haven’t you heard that random fact about how many more muscles it takes to frown than to smile (showing him my frowny face.)

Luke (after trying some face contortions): Now I'm confused and I can't do either.

Zach: Who’s sick?

Me: Haven’t you been paying attention to Mucas Lucas over here all week?  (I said, oh so proud of my new nickname for him.)

In the car with Lucas with the Red Hot Chili Peppers on the radio

Me: This song is dirty.

Lucas: Get your mind out of the gutter.  It’s about Chocolate.

Me: Suck my kiss?

Lucas: Hershey’s Kiss, Tiffany. Come On. 

After seeing that Zach’s car was delivered from FL caked in mud:

Me: That car is filthy.

Lucas: I like it.  It’s like he was in the desert and had an Indiana Jones Adventure. 

I woke up on Saturday morning to go to my very first photoshop class.   I told Dawne, and she said she wanted to go too.  15 minutes later, she was dressed and registered for the class.  But the thing is, we don’t usually go out together in the morning so when we said “Okay, Ready!” we looked to see that we were both wearing the same purse, clutching the same notebooks, and had the same coffee cups in our hand.  Good thing we weren’t going to pretend to not know each other. 

On my break, my niece Jackie texted me to ask if it was snowing here, and I said, “It doesn’t snow here silly!”  Then God immediately called me a liar by making it snow.  When we got home, we packed quickly and drove an hour and a half down to Great Wolf Lodge for Luke’s birthday.  (Before we got home, Luke was outside with his friends and one of them got a bloody nose.  Luke was mock-accusing him of picking his nose, when mid-mock, he also got a bloody nose – in case any of you don’t believe in karma.) Right before we were about to drop the dogs off at doggie day care, which they have never been to, Casper put the window down.

Dawne: Every. Time.   Casper puts down the window when he is close to the park, but when he gets to doggie day care he puts it down and then back up.   

As soon as we arrived we found out you could donate to the Boys and Girls club and have dinner inside the gingerbread house at the lobby.  Clearly we made reservations immediately.  Then, (after we took lots of pictures of us inside a gingerbread house) I ordered some apple juice and shot glasses so we could look like we were boozin’ it up in the lobby gingerbread house. 

We got into an elevator and a little kid was talking to us as he announced his departure:

Jordan: Okay, we’ll be here!

Dawne: You shouldn't lie to children

Jordan: He lied first; he said he was coming right back. 

Dawne: Well, now you have to stay here

Stranger on the elevator: Someone should bring him a sandwich later. 

When we headed out the next morning, Dawne and I cleared off the snow on both cars to get them ready for the trip back, while 6 grown men stood around us watching and making commentary. 

Dawne: I need to remember to ask what tricks they taught Casper when we pick them up.  Last time he learned a new trick, how to jump through things, he jumped through the fence at the park and I yelled at him and he kept going back and forth to show me his new trick until finally he jumped through the fence into water, which he hates, and he couldn’t get out, and he just sat there like, “Mom! Help me! I’m in *shutter* water!”

As we got closer to the house, there was more snow so we decided to load up on groceries and firewood just in case we were snowed in for a week – but more on that later. J

And as I mentioned before: I wrote a book people. It has officially been published, so now I'd like all of you who read what I write for free every day, to take some time to pay for what I've written. Fun right?

Apple: http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/out-of-the-box/id492809326?mt=8

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Go-Kiddo-Out-the-Box/dp/B006Z9Z29E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326993846&sr=8-1

Out of the Box

I wrote a book.  Seriously. That happened.  My cousin Dawne had this beautiful idea and being the brilliant artist in the family, she showed us exactly what she was thinking and then asked me to add words so people like you could hear what she was thinking too.  And, because paper and binding is oh so confining, Jordan (and a lot of other really talented people) helped us make it into an interactive app so you can not only read, see and hear this book, you can also touch every wiggling giggling bit for even more jam packed fun.  

Currently it is available here: http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/out-of-the-box/id492809326?mt=8 but will be available on amazon soon for all of you non-apple product users.  

I'm so incredibly excited to be able to share my very first published book and I hope you enjoy it as much as we did making it! 

Singular Secret

Hi Friend,

I stole “Hi Friend” from Debina, so now, when I call her and she answers, “Hi Friend” I just want to giggle and then I forget why I called her.  And before you say, “You can’t steal ‘Hi Friend’ from someone, that’s just a normal greeting,” let me tell you, it definitely isn’t when she says it.  And I believe in giving credit where credit is due.  Sorry (Arda) if sometimes my memory prevents me from doing that.

Last Monday, I had the day off (like the rest of the country).  We kicked it off with a farewell breakfast at IHop for Nater, followed by hanging out with Dawne, Zach and Luke (because unlike the rest of us, Jordan had to work).  We took bags to goodwill to make room for Christmas presents, took down the tree, and basically did chores while watching the rest of “How I Met Your Mother.”  (While I was gone, I missed 5 seasons, but the house is done watching, which is kind of the same thing.) We started watching Coupling, on the suggestion of Shane – turns out he can suggests good TV sometimes.  :P

Me: How does this new Apple TV system work?

Zach: It’s too complicated to explain to you.

Me: Will you teach me how the new Apple TV system works?

Luke: Sure.  You press these two buttons. 

(Thanks for the confidence, Zach.)

Tuesday, pink roses showed up on my desk and I refuse to tell anyone who they are from, which is driving everyone nuts at work.  Is this what keeping secrets feels like?  If it is, it is delicious. 

Rollie: Welcome.

Me: Hi Sunshine! I can’t chat I’m late for a date.

Rollie: (said things I won’t repeat)

Me:  He's read my blog so he already knows my good material.

Rollie: Does he know he’ll be in it shortly?

I do wonder why I don’t have people sign a waiver when they talk to me – you know so they know about the “It’s less of a circle of trust as it is a line of trust, straight into my blog.” 

Mom: What is your plan tonight?

Me: I have date.

Mom: What?

Me: A date.

Mom: A what?

Me: You know when a woman spends time with a gentleman caller for the express purpose of getting to know one another? 

Mom: Oh! A Date!

Me: I need to get out more if my own mother doesn’t recognize the word when it comes out of my mouth.

Mom:  Well, Be nice. 

Me: I will be!

Mom: And don’t be sarcastic. 

Me: Be reasonable.  Frita would never ask that from me. 

PS: I had a similar conversation, almost word for word, with Jen – sans the to-do list. Not a good sign. Know what else isn’t a good sign?   Someone who I chat with on a regular basis at work thought that I was married. Maybe I should put on my to-do list: Act more needy, insecure and desperate for a man then loudly announce “I wish *I* was married!” whenever there is a lull in the conversation. Honestly,  I have no idea where to put this information in my brain, so I’m writing it here hoping it will disappear from my consciousness.  It’s either that, or try to convince myself it’s good that I exude a sense of established security in my life and therefore am not confused with the average single lady but that won’t help with “A What?!; A Date!!” issue.   

I was telling people at work that I think my back pain is actually stemming from my chair at my desk.

M: That could be.

Me: Thirty really is the new seventy.  

M: That’s not true.

R: Maybe it is to a woman. 

Me: Too close to the truth, dude. 

I was on my way out of the office holding a box of books for an author signing that was happening later that evening.

M: I’m going to head out early.  I need to run home and put these books into a bag because this box doesn’t match my outfit.

Boss: hehe  Seriously?

M: Ha. ha. Kind of, yea. 

Later, when I showed up to the signing, I had transferred the books into a wolf bag.  Like a bag, with a wolf on it.  It really did match my outfit much better than the unwieldy box – which just made my boss make fun of me more.  Guess what he’s getting for his birthday?

In our house, when it is your birthday, you get to choose where we go for dinner. Naturally, Lucas chose to celebrate his 16^th birthday at IKEA, which also meant that when Cori (German) arrived on Friday, she got to enjoy the joy and wonder that is IKEA with us.  That’s where you bring international guests yes? 

Lucas: Now that we have foreigners with us, it’s not as fun to make fun of the names. 

After talking to our visitor about professional extreme sports and hearing stories about hanging out with other pro’s in the biking world, Lucas said to me, “It’s weird to think that any of your friends are professionals.”  Which is true when thinking of Pro Sports people for sure, but I think it’s also true of my non-athletic friends.  Seriously, I can’t believe we, and especially some of you, are “Professionals.”

Last night Zach turned on True Grit, an Academy Award winning movie, for around 15 minutes.  He then declared that it was not for him, and put on Jackie Chan’s “Project A.”  Let’s keep that in mind next time he suggests watching something.  Also, he was complaining about the lack of choices on Netflix.  I’m starting to think that it might be impossible to make Luke and Zach happy at the same time.  Individually, sure, I think I can figure that out, together? Impossible.  Add in the happiness of two dogs and my week has gotten very complicated.  Even after two trips to the park yesterday, the little dog was still complaining that I wasn’t playing enough with her.  Doesn’t she know that *I’M* supposed to be the high maintenance one?

I had lunch with Rach yesterday, which was amazing.  I had asked her to go Ice Skating with me, but after a Mimosa/Coffee lunch and taking a look at a crowded rink, we opted to go for a walk instead.  Maybe Ice Skating is a “Once a Season” type sport.  (Who am I kidding? For me that’s kinda of the definition of every sport.  Do I really think I’ll be playing Racquetball again this year?) 

And finally, I’ll leave you with this interaction I had last night:

Lucas: I think the traces of Peanuts are starting to affect me. 

Me: Why would you even try to eat a Luna bar?

Lucas: They said it was for women and I wanted to prove them wrong.  I better take some Benadryl.