Friday, January 15, 2010

You're Black? Who's Black?

More than any other news story out there—the Conan/Leno issue is the one I am choosing to follow with close attention—including the Jimmy Kimmel as Leno video and the TV Guide pole on keeping Conan in the current spot.  And I don’t even watch late night television.  Remember how I used to have an office across from Letterman though?   That was cool. 
I flew back to Seattle on Monday… which is my explanation for not sending this out on Monday.  I have no good reason for the other days—but as it is Friday—and no one seemed to miss this email… I’m not going to apologize.  I do have a lot of random stories to tell you though so hopefully it will be worth the wait—even if the stories themselves seem slightly more disjointed than usual (and you thought it couldn’t be done!)
I went out with my sister to the Peekskill brewery and saw people I had hoped never to clamp eyes on ever again.  When I saw one chick she said “Hey! Are you still in Bellevue?” and I replied “Yup—I’m just visiting my parents for Christmas.”  Maureen then commented “Do you have any idea what that sounds like to everyone here?” Whoops—I have clearly been out of NY too long.  While we were there Maureen asked how funny I planned to be for the next hour.  When I asked why, she said “I just want to know if I should run to the bathroom or not.”
A very hot chick sat next to my cousin on the plane the other day and told him that she might need to hold his hand during the flight b/c she gets scared—then proceeded to hug him throughout the flight.   Surprisingly, he said it wasn’t awkward—at all. 
My aunt bought her grand kids all these apparently hideous shirts for Christmas—which they all proceeded to leave at her house.  When the last grand kid was leaving my aunt asked if he wanted to take them all back to school with him or else she would give them to her charity.  He had to bite his tongue so as not to say “Those kids are deaf, not blind Grandma.”
My brother asked me to write down a list of goals—and then accomplish them.  I thought this was fairly motivating… until the next day when he asked me what I had accomplished—that was entirely ten notches more motivating. 
I got two daily calendars for Christmas—one was a word a day (so I can really be just like Sookie Stackhouse) and for German Phrases so I can continue my education.  The word of the day one is cool…but as some of you know I used to be the “Word of the Day Girl.”  Back in middle school, I had a stroke of genius when I convinced the principle to let me give a word of the day, with a sentence and definition, over the loud speaker after the Pledge of Allegiance—which would completely fill up my community service requirement for the Honors Society without ever actually having any contact with real people.  Hmm now that I think about it, maybe it wasn’t so brilliant.  That “Word of the Day Girl” reputation might just have been the reason why I didn’t have any dates in middle school—but then it doesn’t explain the HS… so nope, I’m back to thinking it was Genius Gold.   Either way, I think what I really needed was a Map a Day Calendar b/c while playing an impromptu map quiz game with Kristy and Roy, when asked for cities in WI, we could only come up with Madison, Green Bay, Wassau and Waukegan (IL for those of you who didn’t get how dumb that answer was—I couldn’t even think of Milwaukee!)  Ugh, I know, I just knocked my down from my Genius Gold status to Bloody Idiot.  So sad.
My friend is getting married in February and she was showing some concern over her future in-laws.  She told me that they are terrible gift givers with the example that her brother-in-law just gave her a “What to expect when you are expecting” book for her birthday (and no, she isn’t pregnant.”  She also said her mother-in-law always asks questions she already knows the answers to—like “How do you like your coffee.”  I didn’t think that was such a bad question, but then she explained “Raul and I like my coffee exactly like she does, with just cream.  So every time she asks us how we like it, and he says, “Exactly like you do.”  And she responds, “So with cream and sugar.”  And he has to say “Is that how you like your coffee mom?” I’m sure the wedding will be just fine. 
My parents had me watch this lecture about Jesus and Mary the other day—and the greatest line was that they guy was “quoting” Jesus by saying “Oh my, me!” 
I am addicted to Andy Rooney.  I don’t know why it took me so long to discover him.  Here’s a good clip:   and for Kristy who doesn’t know who Ali G is:
Okay, I’m going to save some stories for Monday.  Have an awesome 3-Day weekend folks! 

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