Thursday, December 9, 2010

Working it in the Work Place

My friend Becky sent my other friend and former boss, Justin an email recommending another friend re: a game company we all used to work for and where Justin continues to work.  The email highly recommended the friend for a playtesting position and also included a small catch-up paragraph about working with me again and the fun that we have on a daily basis.    Instead of receiving a kind acknowledgment, Becky received the following, slightly altered version of reality, thread (as in Justin changed the nice email entirely and sent it back like this--Better Banana? :P):

From: justin
Subject: Re: Recommendation
Date: Thu, 9 Dec 2010 13:59:40 -0500
To: becky


What are you saying?

On Dec 9, 2010, at 1:32 AM, Becky wrote:

Hey Justin,

So, I understand this might be a bit of a low level kind of thing to send to you.  Basically, a good friend of mine asked me if I know anyone that would be willing to marry his daughter, Tiffany.  She's a really nice girl and will keep you entertained with her charm, wit and good looks.  I would like to put in a good word for her.  The details--Tiffany is the person who originally introduced me to the concept of sarcasm.  Had she not taught me the finer nuances of sarcasm and toying with the emotions of others, I might have led a rather ordinarily life. On top of that, she is hands down one of the most honest and trustworthy people I've ever met in my entire life.  I've always been suprised that she never got involved three or four men at once - as she loves to party, get a little tipsy and roll the dice "of love".  She's a great evangelist for open relationships and likes to dress up in comic book character costumes for her man.  I really couldn't think of a more perfect person to have romp in the sac.  I wasn't sure if you were even involved with anyone, but if you didn't mind passing her name on (Tiffany O'Brien 914-XXX-XXXX) to ANY male colleague looking for a kinky wife or at minimum a good time, I'd be grateful.  She really needs some attention!

On a personal note, the personal escort business is booming!  I don't think there's a better place to work for during a recession.  ;)  And I'm LOVE working clients for Tiffany again.  I guess "working" isn't quite the right term since our work never intersects (I schedule her visits and she does the "hard" work), but we entertain one another nicely during the day.  I seriously missed her and all her earning power.  You wouldn't be interested in moving back to Washington, and working as one of my "escorts"  Hope you're doing well--and keeping warm, from what my parents in PA say about the weather over there.  Tiff and I talk about your <censored> often, but only in the most adoring way!


In the theme of co-workers finding us husbands…. My friend Laina works in the job placement field and while giving a presentation she casually mentioned that she has a crush on one of the company founders.  A few hours later, a new girl said, “Laina would love this guy!” Our Regional VP, Brian said, “Let’s pitch Laina out to all our clients and get her a boyfriend!” That fueled another co-worker to write the following “Laina Love Dossier”.  (Feel free to submit boyfriend candidates to and I’ll forward them on to Laina.)

Mr. V - Specifications
The ideal candidate for the future Mr. V loves music, even better if he plays music.  He looks like he showered, but yesterday.  Personality traits that turn the soon-to-be Mrs.  V on like a light switch?  An irrational interest in T-Shirts.  The capacity for spontaneous travel.  Witty repartee carried on over text, while in the same room.   He probably likes harmonicas, sitars and the kazoo.   He likes gay men (not that way, sheesh).  Mr. V does not groan when a black and white movie comes on.  He sings karaoke while drinking cheap beer, but he’ll cruise the wine section and spend some dough on something nice for a date night.  He is involved in some sort of cult following of something.  He is curious and smart, but stupid crazy over the soon-to-be Mrs.  V.  His favorite 7 words are “Mrs. V I love you a lot” (and he knows this is 7 words, not 6). 

More importantly, there are stringent appearance preferences for the future Mr. V:
  •         Tall and lean
  •          Some sort of scruff
  •          Sparkle in the eye
  •          A “you’re probably wondering if I am in a band” type look


  1. I would just like to say that the personal escort business IS booming, and you just wish you had thought of it first instead of running to the unemployment line.

  2. I made it to ! You should have included the original email from Becky!

  3. Alas, I do not have access to the original. I'm sure it was very well written and also full of incredibly lovely descriptions of yours truly.