Monday, January 17, 2011

It's Either Cholera or the Plague.

(After telling Becky that the number one reason not to eat cupcakes was b/c she would have to walk there without a winter coat.) Becky: I might get skinny from my own laziness.

I may have mentioned that Becky and I told the coffee ladies at CafĂ© Ladro that we were willing to pay them not to serve us pastries.  Well, Becky decided last week that she also wanted to test them by going down stairs, requesting a chocolate espresso cake, and when they acquiesced, yell “We told you not to serve us that!” but they didn’t oblige her by forgetting. 

Doreen’s 4 year old daughter walked up to Maureen and said: Guess what!? I can gargle my slime!
Mo turned to Do and said: You must be so proud.

(Whilst in the elevator)
Becky: She works at Meydenbauer.
Me: Where?
Becky: Meydenbauer Convention center.
Me: Never heard of it.
Becky: You’re impossible.
Stranger: I agree with her.
Me: I only know about real convention centers.
(Stranger walked off of elevator thoroughly and visibly disgusted with me.)
Me:  We should do that more often.
Becky: Disgruntle stranger in 30 seconds? Ya.  We should try to do it once a week.
Me: I don’t think we even have to try. 

There is a woman in our building who goes down to the deli in the lobby every day and gets a plate breakfast, yogurt, coffee and fruit—essentially making it impossible to find a spare hand—and relies on the help of strangers to press the right buttons to her office.  I know this b/c I have helped her twice, and the other day, another person was in the process of helping her. Only, to make it worse, she is one of the people who need to use her key card in order to press the right floor—and she NEVER has her key card ready or in a convenient place.  This means, she has to hand over half of her breakfast to someone, and hunt for her card, swipe it and then take back her breakfast.  I am truly baffled by a grown woman being so entirely dependent.  The panic in and of itself that I would have on a daily basis would force me to think of a better breakfast solution—and it terrifies me to know that there are people like her walking this earth. 

Eva: I remember Mr. Testa taught us about Beatrix Potter in science class.  So, I never really learned anatomy
 me:  That was a good lesson
Eva: Yeah.. we read her books.. saw the cartoon and the documentary  Ask me about Peter Rabbit - I'm golden  Parts of the body? eh  Luckily, there was operation for that.
 me:   yes... and WebMD PS I totally started thinking that I had appendicitis on Christmas eve only b/c I kept waking up in serious pain like sharp pain and then started dry heaving and the pain lasted for two days. My mom was all... oooh. where did you say it was?  Like you should ever say something like that to me.  Can you name a single other website that is as terrifying as WebMD?
Eva: Some might say Wiki leaks.. but no. WebMD wins out
 me: Wiki leaks makes me really angry. I just sent you a heartwarming bedtime story about the Plague in the US.   

Eva: I thought I had cholera a few weeks ago
 me: That’s more common though. The plague is a deadly little rat. I'm still getting pain--so I am looking at a map of human anatomy
Eva: just read a Beatrix potter book!

 I know I am sitting next to a window... but I am obsessively checking to see if it will start snowing soon.

(At Sushi with new person)
New Person: Do you like Sushi?
Me: No, I hate it.  I’m here to be social.
Becky: I couldn’t leave her.  She’s too pathetic.

Luke thinks I’m asking for too much, but I would like to make a campaign to make this happen by 2012: 

I asked my nephew if he was wearing his pajamas inside out to ensure that he would get a snow day and he said, “No, but I sang Carols to the refrigerator, mostly jingle bells.” 

Shana: Did you get my email about the PAWS event on Saturday?
Me: Yup, I am going to Great Wolf Lodge this weekend.
Shana: Oh that’s right.
( ½ hour later)
Shana: Did you get my email about the PAWS event on Saturday?
Me: Yup, I am going to Great Wolf Lodge this weekend.
Shana: Oh that’s right
(2 ½ hours later)
Shana: Did you get my email about the PAWS event on Saturday?
Me: Yup, I am going to Great Wolf Lodge this weekend.
Shana: My brain really isn’t functioning.
Me: You should try eating.  That usually helps me.

Which totally reminds me of when the COO and EVP of Marketing went on an all fruit and vegetable diet for a month (although the EVP came in on day two and told the COO what he had for dinner and the COO was all “How in the world did you think that CHEESE was a fruit or vegetable?) and by the time the monthly cleanse was finished we all seriously wondered about the intelligence of following the judgment of man who hadn’t eaten in a month. 

We went to Great Wolf Lodge this weekend—and it is a MAGICAL place!  The entire place is a decorated cabin with snowflakes and twinkle lights and yet three little girls walked into the lobby and exclaimed “OOH! There’s a DISCO BALL!” and as I looked up, beyond all of the hanging decorations and wonderment was a teeny disco ball on the ceiling, proving without a doubt that there really is something for everyone at the GWL.  The water slides were incredible, there is a thing where you can climb a horizontal rope ladder across floating lily-pads (which I immediately gave up on due to the fact that the rope was rough and hurt my hands), and you can get magic wands and run around the entire hotel lighting things and opening secret wonderments, and there is story time with toll house cookies. Oh—and a STARBUCKS! Really, this place is A-MAZE-ING!  So incredible that when I woke at 8:30 am, I was totally fired up to go back on the slides—and I’m not fired up for anything at 8:30am as a general rule. 

Before we headed home, we stopped at the “Little Red Barn” b/c Dawne loves to go to places that have character (but then again, who doesn’t?) When you walked in there were huge signs saying “HOWDY PARDNER! PLEEZE SEAT YO’SELF” and wolves and moose paintings on the walls—so basically it was awesome.  We had lunch and then as we were leaving, I hear Luke’s bff sigh and say “I’m gonna miss this place.”   I hear ya, Pardner.

In art class to his teacher, Luke’s friend said, “You like that? You want to buy it?”  

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