Monday, January 24, 2011

Sober at the Distillery

Luke: Did the French ever think we were cool? Oh right.  They liked us on D-Day. 
Jordan: Yea, they liked us when we freed them from the Germans.
Luke: We should do that more often.  Like Kathy (his German sister) will start dating a Frenchman and we’ll be like “no.”

(I might have told this story in the kitchen today – not realizing there was a French woman in the room.  I hope she thought it was funny too b/c I need some images from her today.)

Rebecca says: I'm going to send you a "folder of auras"
Tiffany says: Don't you mean "Fauz-ders of Are-Ahs?"
Faux-ders. I ruined my own joke
Rebecca says: that's ok, in giggling at your ruined joke I tried to drink from the wrong side of my cup
Tiffany says: Lol (I don't know why I hold in my laughs.  Andy next to me laughs all the time, full bellied laughs, at things he has read, and no one EVER asks him what he's laughing at.)

Becky: I don’t like my scale
T O’B: You want one isn’t so harsh dishing out the truth?

My boss is pregnant and the other day in a meeting she told a couple of people and when they asked about the sex of the baby she was all “If we were in NY I would know but out here apparently they a little more lax about going to Doctors.”   This was after an earlier comment of people calling New Yorkers “Shady” and having her respond, “I like to think of it as more Wily and cunning.”  I heart being around my own kind. 

Whilst at OfficeMax the other day with Becktoria, I picked up a bean-bag ball from a bin and then immediately put it back saying “Think about all the other people who have touched that!” Then I reached around an took some anti-bacteria stuff saying “You don’t mind if I take some of this do you?” While Becky said, “Germaphobia just kicked in huh?”  When we left the building, Becky immediately said, “I am extremely disappointed by how un-amused that cashier was of our behavior.  We get better responses from the strangers in the elevator.”  Me: “I know! Does she have that many other amusing entertainments that she found our behavior only worthy of a pitiful half smile? You know she was thinking ‘That chick didn’t even wait for me to answer before she took my anti-bacterial stuff.’ And then she used her 30 cent lotion button to my bill knowing that I was giggling too much to even notice.”

I was almost scammed the other day—I don’t know why I find almost being scammed to be such an amusing occurrence other than the fact that maybe I’m just proud that I am able to recognize the difference.  

Becky: I deserve a slow clap and a slow head shake of pride for the awesome parking spot I got today.
(Tiffany is Away)
(OMG She’s actually coming over!!)

I got an email from a friend on Thursday. “Went to the urologist today.  I get UTI's at least one time a month.  Ultrasound came back showing that I have kidney stones.  30 is, indeed, the new 70.  To give you an idea of the demographic in the office, when I came in, I opened the door and literally hit a woman in a wheelchair.” 

I drink 2/3 of a pot of coffee every morning before 9:30.  I make the coffee and then put it into a series of stylish but oh so convenient to-go mugs and enjoy hot beverages all morning.  Friday, I realized that I had forgotten to get ½ and ½ so I finished the last of the carton for my car coffee, and then I used milk from the fridge for the rest of the coffee.  When I took my first gulp of coffee when I got to work, I found that the milk was totally sour.  I immediately grabbed a VIA and ran to the kitchen, ripping the package open on my way, to get something to wash out the horrid taste left in my mouth.  I told Becky—she told me her husband once drank sour milk and threw up an hour later—and I should just leave right then and there calling out “sour milked.” 

I looked over and saw that someone had received flowers in the office and I suddenly wanted to order flowers for myself.  It didn't even occur to me to think "Aww.. I wish someone had sent me flowers."

I noticed that someone typed “what does it mean when he calls me jerkface” and stumbled on my blog—this here is my audience.

L: It has officially been a year, so I’m a virgin again. It’s grown back.
J: I don’t want to even think about things growing where.
L: My Hyman, J.

Shana asked me to be her sober buddy this weekend… and then sent me an evite to go on a series of distillery tours.  The good news is I think we are all going back to the absinth distillery to work for booze by bottling the Absinthe.  I actually am not sure how that is good news… but it’s something to look forward to. 

We had some time to kill between the tours and our dinner reservation so we hit up a liquor store, naturally, and World Market.  While sitting at Cost Plus World Market on Saturday night, Laina turned to me and said, “Classic Birthday Party.”  

We ended the evening at Purple where Michael described what he just ate by saying, “It’s like eating a bar of soap but it’s a good thing.”  And someone had the nerve to think I was 37. 

I got an email from a guy at work asking if I wanted to order tamale’s.  Not wanting to miss out on anything, I ordered one.  It turns out, he knows some woman, who makes these tamales. And on Thursday, he shows up with a huge cooler filled with over 400 tamales for the office.  Becky took one look and asked “Do you also have spare organs in there?” and “Do you have this woman chained in your basement? Or do I not want to know?”  Either way, it was delish. 

I watched 27 Dresses the other day and I both love and hate this movie.  See, Dawne thinks that Katherine Heigl is the brown eyed version (I can’t believe Pandora just started playing Brown Eyed Girl when I typed that) of me.  This means, that when we are watching 27 Dresses, its all, you would SO do that. And don’t worry; you’ll make it to 27.  So much so, that when Luke asked why Katherine Heigl’s character did something mean I said, “You see Luke, sometimes we just give and give and give and then we get really angry and do something horrid and we feel really guilty about it afterwards.  We can’t help it.”  This movie, combined with watching Bridget Jones and Bridget Jones Edge of Reason, was maybe not the best thing for a girl like me to watch all in a row and I don’t have to explain why. 

Oh! And if you are in the area, please come to see Luke’s band Allium play at Studio 7 on Wednesday! 


  1. Do you think that if you refer to me by a different nickname everytime I'm featured in a work story that people will think you hang out with more than just one person at work?

  2. Actually--I was just hoping people would be confused into thinking that I had more than one friend period. Thanks for ruining it.