Monday, April 11, 2011

Hindsight Hilarity

We were watching Daria last night when I heard:
Sandy: My life is over!
Quinn: Sandy! No! It’s not like you’re 30!

 And on that note… let’s recap the birthday festivities.

 Becky put up all sorts of decorations up for my birthday.  We went to a diner for lunch and,  after we sang Happy Birthday to an 80 year old, Becky said to me.  “Go ahead. Go tell her how depressed you are about turning 30.”  I asked that a special sandwich be made for me that added cheese to my bacon and egg sandwich.  They also added lettuce, tomato and mayo to this sandwich, which I did not enjoy.  So on my plate was the lettuce, tomato, and a lot of bread.  The waitress came over and asked “What happened here?  Did you not like it?  Why didn't you eat this?”  I explained that it was great, no problems, everything was wonderful.  As she continues to inquire/reprimand me for not finishing my lunch, I covertly unfolded my napkin and placed it over the uneaten food.  She immediately snatched away the napkin saying “Oh, no you don’t.  No covering this up with a blanket.”  I meekly said I was sorry and she took the plate away calling me a silly girl.  I was just pleased that I could still be silly at 30 (I could have matured over night.  It wasn't a probability, but certainly a possibility right?)  20 minutes later while in the car I said to Becky, while I started trying to clear my throat, “I think there was cheese on my sandwich and you know how I’m allergic to that.”

We went out to dinner in the evening which was lovely—where my friends and family got to enjoy my new catch phrase “Back in my 20’s” followed by something I did last week.  I also mentioned to Rach that I had told her butt cheek story the other day.

Rach: Which one?
Me: The taping of the butt cheeks.  Where you had to tape up someone’s butt cheek b/c they were having hip problems and they asked you to tape the other one up so they would be even.
Rach: Oh yea.  Well, the other story was when I went to the beach with my friend when we were little.  We decided to pull up our bathing suits so we could tan our behinds.  Then my friend’s dad came up to us and said, “Uh Ladies? You may want to put some sun screen on.  Your butt cheeks are becoming quite pink.”  In retrospect, exposing our white butt cheeks to the sun was not a good idea. 
Laina: Oh you might say… in *Hindsight.*

 Watched other people make Sushi on Friday night.  I was talking about doing shots…
Rach: What didn’t you shoot in college, really?
Laina: I shot insulin into my cat in college.  I mean he was diabetic, but it sounded cool.

And, while talking about giving birth, Laina wowed us all with her proclamation of “My mom almost missed my birth.”  Uh, What?  (She actually explained this, but I like the mystery of leaving you hanging, and now you have something to talk to her about when you meet her. Win!”

Nate: Rob Derringer has to be the coolest name ever.
Lucas: I don’t know.  I have a friend named Bentley Richardson.  It’s like a car and then Dick.

I came home on Friday, and in the middle of the kitchen counter was the mouse cage with an animal in it.  When I asked Luke what it was, he told me that Casper (Nate’s Dog) brought home a birthday gift for Dawne.  A tiny baby bunny.  The next morning, when I was taking Nala out, she quite suddenly started to freak out, shaking, she demanded that I pick her up.  As I looked around, I saw the mama rabbit, (at least twice the size of Nala) staring me down.  Seriously, an unwavering stare making me feel incredibly guilty for stealing her baby – which I totally didn't deserve – but I still felt guilty b/c even if I didn't take her baby, I knew where her baby was.  Unfortunately, the baby wasn't healthy enough to bring back to her mama, and she also wasn't healthy enough to survive the weekend.  Poor baby bunny. 

On Saturday, thinking I was only planning on running errands all day; I put a bunch of expensive therapeutic healing serums in my hair.  When Luke and I got into the car, I asked him if he could smell the cucumber weirdness, and he said he couldn't.  However, when we were walking in Target, he suddenly said, “Tiffany, you need a second shower.  You’re hair is making me sick.”  When we got back into the car, I said, “I guess the second shower is a good idea b/c I also put this new wrinkle cream on my face… “and Luke said, “Oh  yea!  I think it’s actually giving you wrinkles… and your face looks weird.”  Upon looking in the mirror I could see my whole face was red and hot to the touch.   Second shower it is then. 

I was checking Facebook last week and read the updates to Dawne and Lucas that apparently it was hailing in both Issaquah and Woodinville.  Ten minutes later, Jordan walked in complaining about the hail.  Apparently it never occurred to me to look outside for a weather report.  If it’s not on FB it simply didn’t happen.  Am I right or am I right or am I right?

Back in my 20’s, there was a phase in which no one was allowed to watch TV or play Video Games with the exception of Tuesday Night Gilmore Girls.  Nate always scoffed at the show, but we always assumed he was a closet GG watcher as he always knew all of our references.  Last week, Nate told me that in Chicago, an old episode of Gilmore Girl’s came on, and before someone changed the channel, Nate and his roommate started singing the “Where you Lead” theme song softly to themselves.  Whoops.  Secret is out. 

Lucas: Hey Tufts, Eli tried smoking weed. 
Me: Eli!? My Eli!?  Why would you tell me this?
Lucas: Well.  I know how wonderful you think he is and thought you should know.  Give the rest of us a chance and all.

My nephew Kyle is quite the evangelist apparently.  At school, his teacher over heard:
Kyle: Do you believe in Jesus?
Clarisse: Uh can you pass the purple crayon?
Kyle: Sure.  Do you believe in Lent? 

When Maureen asked about the conversation, Kyle explained that he just wanted to know if she believed in Jesus but Clarisse was having another conversation so she didn’t tell him.
Kevin: Kyle that is so rude.  You shouldn’t talk when someone else is talking.
Patrick: Unless you can speak louder, then that’s okay.


J: You should really call Mark Gordan and tell him you have decided do something else.
T: Or tell him you no longer want to work with him after that whole Glee’s Anatomy debacle.

Shana: In my day this was considered a call girl or hooker, I guess I'm getting old...
Me: That was back in my 20’s.  Now it’s plain old fashioned good sense. 

Last week, given my soul crushing sadness, I was thinking that maybe going to therapy might help.  Then I was thinking, maybe I would just take the money I would spend on that and get Garth Brooks tickets.  Now, I’m happy AND I get to go to Vegas. 

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