Friday, April 1, 2011

Sup' Sipowicz.

So much has happened this week that I thought I would send a quick Friday update with the rest on Monday.

I had another run in with a cop… but I must have been nervous the interaction went like this:
Me: I'm in Vice. Yeah, in fact, I'm undercover right now. I'm a whore.
Cop: Who... who else is in vice up there?
Me: Um, do you know, um Sipowicz?
Cop: Sipowicz? No, I don't think so.
Me: Yeah, Sipowicz. Yeah, um, big guy, kind of bald.
Cop: No, I don't know him.
Me: Don't try to call him or anything, 'cause he's not there. He's out. His, um... his partner just died.
Cop: Wow. Well, tell Sipowicz I'm real sorry for his loss.
Me: I sure will. Take care.
Cop: Hey! By the way, I'm sure Sipowicz is gonna be all right. I heard that kid from Silver Spoons is really good.

Had a minor tiff with my mother in which I might have said “Okay Mother.”  She immediately said “Stop saying "mother" like that.” And I was all “Like what?” And she quickly replied Like there should be another word after it.

Sean told me about a conversation he had with his daughters on Monday which Jackie said, “Dad, Bailey pushed us out of the bathroom, so the soap's in Morgan’s eyes and she wouldn't let me rinse out the shampoo like Mom said and now Morgan might be blinded for life! If she is, can we get a dog?”

Last night Luke and I were watching some Daria and he came back from the kitchen with a mug.
Luke: I made tea. 
Me: I don't want tea. 
Luke: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea. 
Me: Then why are you telling me? 
Luke: It's a conversation starter. 
Me: That's a lousy conversation starter. 
Luke: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

Had a nice conversation with my friend Roy on Tuesday
Roy: "I'm the bad boy. I've never been the bad boy."
Me: "You've been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend."
Roy: "Yes. Yes, yes."
Me: "The bad fiancé, the bad dinner guest, the bad credit risk."
Roy: "Okay, the point is made."
Me: "The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen. The bad tipper!"

And… because what is an update without a Becky work story:
Boss: Ladies and gentleman, I have some bad news. Becky was hit by a car.
Non-Becky-Co-Worker: Where?
Boss:    It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her, life; they did the best they could. And she is going to be ok.
Non-Becky-Co-Worker: What is wrong with you? Why would you have to phrase is like that?
Boss:    Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don’t know, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make.

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