Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Gleaming the Cube

This week was fairly typical.  I mentioned that Lucas might want to watch the movie “Helvetica” and he suggested that I watch two movie trailers, one for Thrashin’ featuring a young James Brolin, pretty boy from the Valley, who, of course skateboards like a rock star and wants to date someone who is from the other side of town.  The second trailer was more my speed, as it had Christian Slater solving crimes and saving the world from communism all from atop his skate board.  This fine film was called, “Gleaming the Cube.” Honestly, the name itself has given me endless amounts of merriment.  I’ve been told by numerous individuals that the BMX version of Thrashin’, Rad, has to be next the queue, for Joy!

(BDug was one of the recommenders, and that is how I am sneaking this next bit in here)

Me: I can't believe people let me tell them what to do.
BDug: I can't believe you think people could stop you from telling people what to do.

After Diana’s birthday dinner on Thursday, Lucas hurt himself skateboarding. He came in, got some ice, and then tried to prop his arm up above his heart to stop the throbbing.  His grandfather said, “You aren't in pain. It’s definitely not throbbing.” To which Lucas, sheepishly said, “I feel like I'm not a man.  I can only hope when I'm your age I am as manly as you.”

As some of you might already know, at my new job, there are a couple of other people with the exact same responsibilities, but completely different backgrounds.  Mainly, they were graphic designers, and I was not.  So, I tried opening up photo shop and was completely intimidated by buttons and commands that I could not even test, never mind master. 

Rollie: Let me get this straight.  You are stressed out about not knowing something, that you were not hired to do, and no one has asked you to know or do since you have gotten here?
Me: That is correct.

Okay, then on Friday, my boss, jokingly, said, “I have some color call outs you could help me with”, fully knowing that I didn’t know how to do it and therefore, could not help with.  I, naturally said, “Maybe if you let me watch you for ten minutes, I could figure it out and then I could help.” My officemate and boss were exceptionally kind, showed me what I needed to know, and not only did I help with the one part, while they all went to a meeting, I pulled open a new project and did one from start to finish! My boss basically said, “You’re such a good girl! Way to color in a bomb—and in the lines too!” like I was a 3 year old—but like a three year old coloring for the first time I was on cloud nine THRILLED.  I still might send a picture to my mom so she can put it on the fridge (and at that point, it really will just look like I colored. But YAY! I colored…using Photoshop!)

Saturday, while the Weisman’s were in Victoria, I was extremely successful in checking things off my to-do list.  Like SERIOUSLY successful.  And I took the dogs to the dog park twice—and before I knew it, it was time to go to Shana’s for her 3rd/4th party where Mike and Sharon were in attendance!  At the end of the evening, Shana’s mom said to me, “Boy it sure was nice that you guys got time to talk. You and Mike haven’t seen each other in a long time!” and I stared at her for a moment because her genuine statement had thrown me for a loop—b/c it HAD been a long time and it WAS nice of Shana to invite him to hang out with me—but I’m so much more comfortable in the world of sarcasm.

After being nipped by a small dog, Brett’s son didn’t complain but walked back into the house.  Brett then said, “He'll go cry in private…like I taught him.”  (I actually don’t know if Brett said he taught him that, but he should have.)

Shana was telling us a story about a convent in which a real estate agent had a hard time selling the property next door because the Nuns were big fans of skinny dipping.  Apparently, there is a school at which the Nuns all teach, but she couldn’t think of the name right away so Shana said, “The tall model went there...” Oh! The TALL Model! That narrows it down. Shana, “Tyra Banks, smart ass.”

Sharon (after telling us about a religious group called the “Movers” (no mention of Shakers) who didn’t believe in procreating so, over time, their congregation has dwindled down to a whopping 3): Everything I learned about history I learned in a harlequin romance novel. 

We were talking about my cousin being baptized when Sharon asked me, “Which church?” and without thinking, I said, “I don’t know, somewhere in Chicago.”  Hmm apparently the correct answer was, “Roman Catholic.” I’d be a great witness for the defense. 

Yesterday was the big Lady Liberty party at the house.  We had… I don’t know 150 people at the house? I have a hard time with numbers.  We were waiting longer than anticipated when we decided to grab Mexican before the party instead of tried and true American food (McDonald’s) on the 4th, so Luke asked Dawne to draw a dinosaur tattoo on his arm. 

Dawne: What's that ride? Oh yeah, Jurassic Park.
Me: You know it was a book and movie first.

There were two 7 year olds in the pool, and as I walked by they spoke to me.
Aiken: Can you get me a soda.  I’d like a Sprite. 
Me: No, I can’t.  But you can get one yourself.
Frankie: She’s not your servant.
Aiken: But she works here, doesn’t she?

Jeff: Uh, Tiffany, we have a bit of a situation.  The dogs are eating hot dogs off the table. 
Me to Casper: Casper, now you know dogs don’t eat people food.  People eat people food, okay?
Me to Jeff: I hope I was helpful. 

Even though Zach, Nate and I were all in the general vicinity, when the fire alarm went off, I saw Derek (Zach’s bff) go running to fix it. 
Me: Why does Derek have to fix everything around here?
Derek: Actually Jacob (Nate’s bff) shut it off.
Me: Good job, Other Derek!
Jacob: Wow.  That’s like the nicest thing I’ve ever heard. 

Our neighbor brought over huge boards with numbers on them, so that when people wakeboard/skiing drove by us, we could all rate them.  Ah, the true American Spirit: judging people doing physical feats as we sit on our asses drinking beer.  My only complaint was that the lowest number was a 5. 

Zach was taking the Jet Ski out with his friend Karen.  He got the Jet Ski down from the lift and then started floating out…
Zach: Where are the keys?
Jordan: They are in the drawer?
Zach: Where?
Jordan: In the drawer that you have a hand on.

When he figured it out, Zach rode side saddle over to the dock, and Jordan went running down to the pier.

Rach: Oh man, Zach’s gonna get yelled at.  Jordan is doing his angry walk. 

After a bit of consultation, Karen and Zach were both on their own Jet Ski, and Karen sped off like a professional.

Me: Hey Zach! That’s how you Jet Ski!
Zach didn’t respond to me directly, but he did turn around quickly, completely soaking everyone on the dock, including Angry Jordan.  I didn’t hear him, but I’m pretty sure I saw Zach whisper the word, “Bitches” as he drove away. 

Lucas: None of this outfit is mine.  This shirt is my brother’s and these (bright orange shorts) were left here by someone.  I boiled them so I wouldn't get crabs but they have the guy with the stick, see?
Matty: Most people call him the Polo guy.
(An hour later)
Lucas: Will you go on the boat with me?
Me: I guess.  With all the strangers?
Lucas: Yes, Right now.  The guy who owns the shorts is here.  He walked up to me and said, “Those are mine.  And they are my favorite.”  I told him I would give them back later so now I’m avoiding him. I already boiled them! 
Me: Which guy? That guy dressed head to toe in Brooks Brothers, shirt tucked in and boat shoes?  (He’s 20 year old btw.)
Lucas: Yea.  That guy. 

I updated my status the other day with, “I hate to make a blanket statement, but my comforter is just so cozy.”  Laina then shared the statement with everyone at work.
Laina: My boss then went home and re-told the story by saying, “I hate to make a blanket statement…okay, I don’t remember the rest. I guess you had to be there.”
Mark: No, I guess you just had to remember the last 7 words.

And then, this morning it felt more like January 1st instead of July 5th… hence the delay in the update—but I hope it was worth it!

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