My sister is super BA. She can pick snakes ups with her bare hands and will throw lizard tails at you if she's in the mood. So, imagine my surprise when I was talking to her on the phone the other day and I heard her say... "Oh look! A grasshopper. I think I'll feed it to the crayfish... (HIGH PITCHED SCREAMING and nervous hahahaha laughter) ... no, I'm not. It feels funny on my hand."
Dawne: Tim, can you take a look at my computer? I'm afraid to touch anything and mess something up.
Tim (looking at Nala walking over Dawne's keyboard): It's being touched.
Conversation I had with Zach's friends who are living with us for the summer.
Me: I think Zach's main problem with alcohol is the taste. No matter what the drink, you can always feel the alcohol going down.
Colin: I like the warmth. It's like a warm hug.
Cassidy: hugging your liver.
Maureen told me that my nephew Kyle came up the hill from his friend Donovan's house because the two boys had had a fight.
Kyle: Donovan said that Delaware was a state!
Maureen: Honey, Delaware is a state.
Kyle: Then how come we didn't get Pokemon cards when we got into Delaware? We were supposed to get Pokemon cards every time we drove through a new state!
Maureen took her family on a Hudson cruise to see the fireworks on the Fourth of July. They were all very appreciative. Kevin, in hushed voice announced, "It's so beautiful. It's like a dream!" And that's one of the many reasons why I love that kid. Speaking of Kevin and love, apparently, Kevin has picked out his uncle. The boys went to school with Maureen and one of the Math teachers has always been awesome to my nephews. Last week however, Kevin found out that Dan not only loved peanut butter and peanut butter sandwiches (no Jelly) but his favorite peanut butter was JIF (R). Later Kevin came up to Mo and said, "I don't know why, I just need a hug" then Kyle screamed "group hug!" Which is when Dan got dragged into the craziness when Kevin screamed "you too Dan!" Later, on their way home, Kevin told my sister that Dan would make a great Uncle and I should work on that. I have always given Kevin whatever he asks for… but I’m wondering if Maureen having both her sister-in-law and brother-in-law in the same school and department would be awkward?
On the Wednesday, we had over 125 people over to the house to celebrate, "AMERICA NUMBER ONE!" I had a super good time, not sure about anyone else. I had such a good time, I didn't even notice when Shana gave me a long hug... that is until Laina started stroking my hair at the same time, and then I REALLY noticed and struggled to get out of Shana's locking embrace. During the fireworks, I was occupied on the stairs, when Laina and Javier came walking up...
Laina: I’m going to go make out with Javier.
Javier: I'm going to get Laina some water.
Lucas was telling us that he also enjoyed the 4th. He had some time to chat with Ed and commented that Ed really had it together, he was a real straight shooter - here was his example:
Lucas: Does Honky-Dory have a hyphen in it?
Ed: I don't know but you know who else doesn't know but will pretend to know? My wife.
On Colin wanting to watch the Gilmore Girls with me...
Zach: You know Tiffany will let you borrow the Gilmore Girls.
Colin: I can't go home to my family and say that I watched Gilmore Girls by myself.
Me: I know Cassidy wants to watch Game of Thrones, but I am really going to have to put my foot down and watch some Gilmore Girls with Colin. It's not fair that Cassidy is cute and little and gets what she wants all the time.
Dawne: Colin is cute and little too!
Me: He's definitely cute, but little is a bit of a stretch. Can you be cute and manly?
Later when we were actually watching the Gilmore Girls
Colin: I can't believe I'm watching this. And enjoying it!
Me: Why? I don't understand. This is a great show.
Colin: Because I'm Black! We don't like happy things!
(after Lorelei talks about Panda Bear Underwear)
Colin: Do they make panda bear underwear for men?
Me: Yes they do!
(After I looked up where you could buy men's panda bear underwear.)
Colin: Are they Hanes? I only wear Hanes because that's what Michael Jordan wears.
(After Lorelei waves good-bye to Rory)
Shannon: Did you just wave to the tv?
Colin: Uh uh
(Only, he totally did.)
Colin: Does anyone else want the last piece of pizza?
Zach, Shannon, Cassidy, Luke and myself: Go for it!
Colin: Ugh. I don't want it if there's no competition.
Me: We have to get on this [watching Game of Thrones] or else I'll get tired you know?
Lucas: Yes. I understand that people get tired.
On Friday, I got a call from Becky. (I was very excited because she called during the 5 minutes that no one else was home and I got sad and lonely. Meanwhile, by the time I left 15 minutes later, the house was filled with 7 people, but for those 5 minutes... SUPER SAD.) I met Becky at Tu Casa.
Becky: I've thought about it, and I realize that you are ONE of my best friends.
Me: Wait, you JUST realized this?
Becky: It's been sneaking up on me for a while, but yes. I just realized it. To solidify this realization, we should go to Claire's and get best friendship necklaces.
Me: Okay. I call "Be Fri."
There were so many choices at Claire's. I saw a classic "Be Fri" and "St Ends" necklace combo, but it was Pink and Yellow, and the "St Ends" side was the Pink side... so clearly that wouldn't work. There were also pickle necklaces. We decided on a sedate pair, (with Rhinestones and a poem). I told Becky I'd wear the Be Fri side if she also bought me Pop Rocks. Isn't being friends with me awesome?
Saturday we went to the dog park, then hung out in the pool with special guest appearances by Matty, his lady friend, and Kelly. After hanging out for a bit, I decided that we all needed to get out of the pool suddenly (shower if necessary) and run over to Shana's. While I did motivate us to get over there, I did it without mentioning that when we arrived, we were going to see Lucha Libre on the streets of South Park. We then grabbed dinner with Shana, her parents and this gentleman named "Darsh." He was well into the cups by the time we met him, and he then ordered two shots, a margarita, two beers and some other concoction. Kelly, sitting across from him, thought he looked very familiar. She couldn't quite place him until suddenly it came to her:
He came back from the men's room a whole new angrier person. He was talking about something, I heard, "tragedy" and responded with, "Are we talking about Whitney Houston?" And he said that Whitney Houston was a tragic.... (long pause where I said, "tragedy?") ...victim of her circumstances. That’s when he told me that I made him sick and he never wanted to look upon my face again and that I was not to look in his direction. I told Shana it was probably time to leave. Later when I told Shana what happened she said, "Wow. Harsh Darsh." True story.
Saturday evening, Jacob, Nate's best friend, sees Arda, Luke's best friend and say, "You're ME! You're Luke's ME and I'm Nate's YOU!" as if this just occurred to him. Then the next morning, after 7 years of Jacob staying over at the house, he showered for the first time (at the house) before. Which I thought was funny only because, as many of you know, I like to show up at friend's house and immediately request that I use their shower. (I like to be clean!)
Sunday, the whole crew when to IHop with Shannon's parents and then I jumped in the pool for a bit, and canceled my doctor's appointment so that I could go see Magic Mike.
Lucas: The Lakers are from LA. See? I know everything about basketball.
On my way down to the pool I overheard Luke and his friends chatting, specifically...
Luke: It's a beautiful day
Arda: Okay, we see it. There's is a bunch of windows.
And when we were in the pool...
Me: Jordan, when is your call?
Jordan: In 5 minutes.
Me: Will it be over by 1:15?
Jordan: I think so, yes.
Me: Oh good. I need to leave at 1:15 and I don't want to leave Dawne with no one to entertain her.
Magic Mike... was entertaining but perhaps had TOO much of a story line? Here was Jen's response the invitation to see the movie:
My excitement will not ABate until the ABsolutely fABulous spectacle of ABdominals sets our lady parts ABlaze with ABnormal levels of ABusive lust.
I know I'm being too vague... so just to clarify: THERE WILL BE ABS!!!!
Also I will not be ABsent. There. Now I'm done.
Oh Man! I forgot to tell you all that I got a package from Frita! He tried to make sure that I got it before I left for my trip... but there's always next time. Inside, I found... wait for it... A PURPLE SIMPSON'S FANNY PACK.
Baby Story Corner:
I was chatting with Debina the other day and she told me that after holding her new nephew, of 7 pounds, that she was not in shape enough to have a baby. Seriously, after ten minutes she was exhausted. :)
Becky's friend is pregnant and the doctor told her she was going to have a c-section in a week (4 weeks before her due date.) After going through all of the things she was going to have to do (baby room, reading books, and other prep), Becky's thoroughly comforting words were, "So, basically, you just realized you are having a baby."
I finally got to chat with Julie, who just had a baby and then proceeded to buy a house 8 doors down from her parents. Mike, Julie's brother and his girlfriend were visiting from Atlanta (a move that Julie's mother was NOT happy about). That's when Nick (Julie's husband) told Mike about just how much he owes him for moving so close. (I feel like I messed this story up, but if you know Julie and her mother, this story is very cute.)
And finally, I'll give you two, Christy my co-worker stories (and this is why it's dangerous to ask me to write about you.)
I think I mentioned before that Christy, Rick and I had a conversation at one point that we established that when I complain about things, I want someone to fix it. When Christy complains, she just wants someone to validate her emotions. So... when Christy told me that she was cold because of a fan that was sitting on the floor 5 feet from her, I said, "I'm really sorry to hear that." This happened in various combinations for the next 3 or 4 hours.
Christy: I SAID, I'M COLD.
Me: I know. I'm sorry to hear that you're cold.
Christy: NO! I'm cold and I want you to FIX IT!
Me: Oh. Okay.
Then, I walked past her, to the fan, on the floor, again, 5 feet from her, and said, "Hey, does anyone mind if I move this 15 degrees so it's not blowing in our direction?" No one minded, so I nudged the fan slightly.
Christy: Thanks. I can't believe you waited so long to do that.
Me: I would have fixed it earlier, but you always tell me not to fix your problems.
Christy: Actually. Wow. I can't believe I sat in the cold for 4 hours instead of just moving that fan slightly.
Me: Me neither, buddy.
Ten minutes later.
Me: AGH! I broke my pen!
Christy... reaching into her desk drawer, where I thought she was going to pull out a new pen for me... pulled out a broken pen, that had broken the EXACT same way: Look! Me too!
Me: Why did you keep a broken pen in your desk?
Christy: For this very moment, when you needed your emotional frustration to be validated.