Thursday, April 18, 2013

Retro-update (AKA if you don't have anything nice to say....)

The only “News” I have for this week I guess is that Percy got neutered, Shorty (the ten pound Dachshund) has returned with my Uncle Ray and I watched a lot of the Office.

Percy with the cone of shame. Actually, it’s more like a deluxe pillow, because nothing but the best for my pup (I don’t think he appreciate it though.)

The vet told me I had to keep Percy calm with no activity.   Then they brought him out and he did his normal spazz out happy craze while I tried to hold him. 
Vet:  Whoa.  We’ve never seen a dog get that excited.
Me: What did you say about calm again?
Vet: Yeah, good luck with that.

Then I brought him home and the Fed Ex guy came to the door.  Percy, who has never done this ever, ran after the fed ex guy, wouldn’t listen to me, all the way up onto the main parkway.  I had to run in the middle of the road and stop a civic so that I could catch Percy and bring him back in.  I was not having “good luck with that.” 

On Sunday:
Me: Great. It’s raining and it’s sunny so we’re going to get a rainbow and even that won’t cheer me up.
Lucas: Look!  The rainbow!
Me: Ooooh it is beautiful.  Nope, I’m still miserable. 

I don’t have ANYTHING good to say this week because the reality is for the last 6 days I have been cleaning up dog vomit and diarrhea from Percy, Casper and Nala - all while having an ear infection myself.  As I assume no one wants me to go into the details of that, I have decided to go back into my way back machine and re-send some pre-blog stories.  

Originally Sent: Tue, 7 Mar 2006 09:55:39 -0800
Subject: Iron Chef Competition

So. here is your weekly dose of Tiffany.  J This is better than a blog!  Last weekend we decided to have an "Iron Chef" party for Jordan.  It was very last minute, and instead of food, we settled for a birthday cake making contest.  There were 3 teams of 4 which were selected using the soccer team selection method.  I had last pick-and thus I choose Dawne for her artistic ability, Heinz for his engineering skills-and well, Johnny was last pick.  We did a round robin selection of supplies-and after I loaded up with 10 cake mixes and as much frosting as possible-we headed down to our selected kitchen.  I gave my team a pep talk after shouting "START COOKING EVERYTHING!"  I discussed that I had chosen my team for a cake that looked amazing-that none of us could cook, let's just admit defeat in that particular category.  But could we make an amazing looking cake? YES! And by God were we going to do it!   I started throwing out Ideas of the statue of liberty (but as we failed in getting the pickles off the table that was going to be difficult) and got ideas back of volcanoes and pyramids-but I thought those weren't challenging enough.  I had ten boxes of cake mix and a bag of powdered sugar… the world was at our fingertips!   Finally Dawne suggested a naked woman would surely make the birthday boys (Jordan and Zach) happy.  But I didn't want it lying down---I wanted up right.  Sweet, sweet, Dawne, who is always trying to help me out, ran and got her mannequin that she used for shows-and I suggested we build a skirt cake, and decorate the mannequin with peach colored frosting and we could use strawberries for nipples. Oh it was going to be LOVELY!  While it took the other teams only a half an hour to bake their cakes, it took us over an hour (even with two ovens).  The other teams were peering into the house looking for clues of our cake but we didn't give anything away.  When we reconvened at the main house to play Pictionary and let the cakes cool-I was prepared for at least an hour and 15 minutes to decorate. but ALAS!  We would only have 30 minutes.  Dawne and I sprinted out the door and down the stairs.  She started throwing brownie at me as I tried to even out the bottom of the dish where the block of wood connected to a metal pole, and then finally would attach to the mannequin.  I thought this evening was key, but as the engineering and well… Johnny department had abandoned us. I lost focus on what seemed less important (a flat surface) and focused on making more icing.  (Erika had told me that icing=glue and what can't glue fix?)  Dawne proceeded to add layers until it came to the bunt cake, the key to it all.  Johnny had forgotten to flour the pan!  Dawne didn't know how to take out a bunt cake.  I wasn't paying attention.  Whatever the reason, it started to fall apart.  I didn't panic.  I grabbed a candy necklace, wrapped it around the bunt cake to secure it.  I refused to lose hope.  Even after the cake started drooping to one side (damn the block of wood) I refused to give up.  I quickly shoved a wooden spoon up against the side to hold it up (we could always cover it all with frosting.)  At this point Dawne and I are on the floor (well so was the cake in order to shield it from wandering eyes) covered in icing, laughing so hard we almost peed ourselves as I kept trying hopelessly to remedy the situation.  I had a whip cream and pudding concoction that I was positive could cover up everything and as I started to drizzle it with a spoon. Dawne went to go get a bag. "Cover the whole thing with a plastic bag!" she said.  A plastic bag?? This from the queen of artistic perfection??? A PLASTIC BAG!!  I couldn't do it. I kept trying to decorate with whip cream, pleading "I have to finish!" so Dawne helped by grabbing a heap of whip cream in her hand and slathering it upon the cake.  The rest of the project was finished like this until finally we placed the bag over the cake to hide our shame.  We covered the top with icing-but the strawberry nipples were too heavy and we had to settle for two small star shaped sprinkles.  We dragged the 30 lbs of cake (it really was heavy!) up to the main house to find our competition had completed the sweetest bunt cake I had ever seen and a gorgeous rendition of the Empire State building.  In the end, we had to show everyone our disgrace, and for your viewing pleasure I deliver to you, literally on a platter, my failure in the Iron Chef Birthday cake competition.

(PS  Diana, upon seeing the mannequin she searched high and low for, and paid more for than she wanted to, was appalled that we had done this whole project.  Please let me reassure you that we did cover everything in plastic, and it was clean and untouched when we were done.  Thanks for not killing us on the spot. :)

Originally Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2006 11:05 AM
Subject: Tiffany the Textile Mule

On Sunday at around 2, I received call from my cousin Dawne who was in Vegas setting up for Pool and Magic (Fashion industry Show’s) for edoc.  She told me that they had not brought product for the show, and would I go pack up 4 of each style shirt and color and ship it to them.  By the time I drove back from Seattle it was 3.  I called every shipping place to confirm that everything was closed on Sunday, and then enlisted the aid of Matty and Rachel to help me pack all of these shirts.  At 4, I had received word that I was going to be on a plane leaving at 7:30 for Vegas to transport these garments to the show.  We searched high and low to find suitcases big enough to carry the cargo (Rachel tried to convince me I didn’t need to bring my own carry on)… at 5, everything was packed and I gave myself 15 minutes to take a shower, grab a toothbrush, clothes, and a Pop Tart.  We got everything in the car (lift with your knees!) and Matty helped me bring the suitcases to check in… and we weighed in at 80 lbs for one bag and 75 lbs for the second.  I didn’t weight my carry on, but it felt like at least 25 pounds.  I got in around 12, we slept at the MGM Grand—oh the memories J  --and then was up at 6:30 again.  I took lots of pictures of my day… the I-HOP for breakfast, Pool, the Wal-mart, the Target, the Radio Shack, Blueberry Hill for lunch (the worst ever… don’t go there…I don’t know how it’s been open since 1966) and I took a few shots of the booth as we were setting up for Magic.  (Random fact: did you know that the Motel 6 on the strip has the highest suicide rate in the country with up to 6 deaths per week? Moral: Don’t get a housekeeping job at Motel 6.)  On a great note, edoc looked fabulous at Pool—and was a “big fish” in a little pond.  They got a lot of sales on the first day, and had a lot of huge buyers interested including the owner of the Zebra Club.)  At Magic, edoc was small, but looking very cool.  They were very close to John Deere—which I thought was a good contrast. J  And then after dinner in Mandalay Place, I got to see the airport again.  I had a 10:30 flight, sitting next to 15 volley-ball national champions… (aaagh!)   And that, my friends, was my 24 hour trip to Vegas. 

Can’t wait to go back in two weeks to set up the booth for WizKids!

Originally Sent: Monday, January 09, 2006 2:00 PM
Subject: Forced Pout

So I woke up this morning (at 5:30 am for a three hour meeting before Jordan left for Asia) and my lips were swollen to nearly twice their size.  They are really quite painful.  I imagine that this is what botox would like—full and pouty only instead of feeling numb I have a constant feeling of ache.  This might be the direct result of the lip liner I used yesterday, but as soon as I felt the uncomfortable feeling, I scrubbed my lips clean.  I tried some chap stick that I found out later probably would make them worse than better—oh and I am on my second dose of Benadryl today—Jordan said that it looked like it was helping, but I think he was just trying to make me feel better.  Zach told me this morning not to worry about it that no one was going to be kissing me today.  I think that was just insult to injury though. 

(I’d like to think that after looking back on these emails from 7 years ago that my writing has gotten better.  If you don’t agree… maybe wait until next week to tell me.)

Hope to be chipper next week!

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