Monday, May 9, 2011

Monkey Tail Mustache

I walked out of the house this morning without my wallet, makeup, or artificial scent outside of my deodorant.  I must not have woken up yet.  World:  This is the real Tiffany.  Don’t worry; I’m uncomfortable with how honest this is too. 

This also means I don’t have my badge on me and Becky is going to have to go everywhere with me ALL day.  The sacrifices that girl makes for me.  Speaking of which:

Me: You’ve seen my resume?
Becky: Yes, at least one version.  You know, when I was doing you a HUGE favor by getting you the job you just quit.

(Please note, my contract has been over for 3 weeks and I’m not really a jerk I mean, professionally.)

On the horribly inefficient 3-hole punch:
Colin: Do you have to be so violent?
Me: It’s not so much violent as getting things done.
Chris: That’s the sound of work Colin.  You wouldn’t understand.

Japanese chick: Are you on the online team?
Me: Nope.  Pretty much anyone else around me is.  See that guy? He’s Chris.  He’s on the online team.  Right, Chris? You’re on the online team?
Chris: I can’t believe you. 
(5 minutes later)
Chris: I want to kill you.
Me: Oddly, I am not afraid.  Maybe it's b/c of this fake cube wall between us.
(Ten minutes later Chris turned to me again)
Me: What can I do for you?  I must repay you for the kindness that you've shown me this day.
Chris: mmmm I'll get back to you.

Chris: Those crazy guys are hanging off that building again.
Colin: We need binoculars.
Doug: That borders on a felony, Colin.

(Pointing to Wells Fargo)
Me: That’s not the bank I like.
(As we are pulling up to Chase)
Becky: Is this the bank you like?
Me: I just needed a Chase bank.
Becky: Obviously. That’s your bank.  What you said though, was: “That’s not the bank I like.”
Me: Right.  Meaning, we needed a Chase bank.  How long have you been friends with me that you still don’t understand what I mean?

Me (to bank teller.): Trust me, take her there.
Becky: You don’t have to listen to her.
Me: Yes, she does.  What is wrong with you? Don’t tell her not to listen to me. I know where to shop for fancy dresses!! 

(Leaving the bank I was undecided on which way to go out of the parking lot… and Becky just laughed.)

Becky: I knew which way to go but I thought it was funnier to see you struggle.
Me: That’s not being a supportive friend.  A supportive friend helps you make good decisions.  That cost us 60 seconds.  We could have made this light!!

As I’ve mentioned, Becky and I have renamed the Caffé Ladro coffee’s to Big Daddy, Mama Bear,
Wee” and the kid cup (b/c only kids should order the kid cup.)  I heard the other day that someone actually came in and asked about our sizes:
Lady: Um.. what is this Big Daddy Coffee, I think I’d like one of those.
Caffe Ladro’s Robert: *sigh* Where you here when two giggly girls were ordering?  We only let them change the names—and only then b/c we can’t stop them. 

 Janette was in town this weekend.  I tried so hard to hang out with her on Friday night, but when she didn’t land until 11:30 I knew that I was going to have to be her Saturday Friend.  I contacted her every ½ hour starting at 8 to see what she was up to/if she was up yet.  At IHOP, Jordan asked me what I was doing that day

Me: Hanging out with Janette—whenever she has time for me.  Definitely dinner, but I’m hoping earlier.
Jordan: Okay… so today you’re waiting for dinner.
Me: She said she and Neville are heading to the gym now.
Jordan: Oh good. Tell her to give us a report on how many calories she burned so we can be sure to eat 10 times that. 

I met Janette & Neville for coffee and then we tried to decide what to do.  Instead of bowling, we decided to go to Blick! And pick up some paint and canvas and try to paint something in the park with limited supplies.  At the park, we passed by over 10 people playing Bicycle Polo in a small enclosed tennis court.  Very cool.

We spent about an hour in the park painting until it was raining on our paintings and our fingers got too cold.  This first project, the canvases were 2x2 and we each yelled out a word at the same time and then passed that word to the next person.  The second project was on 6X6 canvas and we just had to paint “light.”


Trash Can:



We followed up these masterpieces with some Irish coffee’s and the night progressed in the usual fashion from there.

Eduardo: I went to Oktoberfest last year.  The people next time offered me Mint Flavored Tobacco.  Of course I tried it, b/c you have to try it, yes?  But I said why are you doing this? This is not normal Oktoberfest.

Jen asked on her friends on Facebook to please participate in the phenomenon that is “The Monkey Tail Mustache” as long as it wasn’t her husband.  There is a whole site dedicated to Monkey Tail if you haven’t seen it:  but this weekend I had the pleasure of hanging out with a guy who had actually had a Monkey Tail.  He had done it that morning and waited to see how long it took his wife to notice: 1 Hour.  And then his wife announced to us that it wasn’t even the most ridiculous thing he’s every done with his facial hair. 

(this was the most special)

This same couple told me that their new resolution is to just not drink every day.  They tried to keep it to just once a week but they are far too social and when a girl doesn’t drink at our age people assume she’s preggers.  So now they are just shooting for “not EVERY day”.  We all have goals in life.   

Me: Are you close to these people?
Alex: I wear spandex around them.
Eduardo: I didn’t think we’d be talking about this for so long.  I love surprises.

FB Message convo
Me: BTW we are totally bff's.
J: NOW you tell me.
Me: I guess I should have told you earlier.
J: This changes everything...and now I'm hungry.
Me: Me  too!  I told you we were bff's! 

Zach and I were perusing dating sites this weekend—you know getting our weekly judging fix. 
Dawne: You guys have such wonderful personalities!
Me: Yes, but Dawne you know how when blind dates are set up and you find out someone has a “good personality”? Yea, that makes me not a good candidate when all they have to judge me is a picture and a few lines saying “really, I have a great personality.” 

Dawne: Jordan said the hardest job you’ll ever have is being in a relationship.
Me: Becky and her husband totally go to marriage seminars all the time.  They are there now.
Dawne: You should have her troll for guys there for you—you know the ones who’s marriages are really on the rocks. 

Happy Belated Mother’s Day to everyone!  I hope you too had a lovely day.  At our house, we put together a puzzle that Shane & Cathy game me.  It was pretty awesome—but it was no Bronx Zoo.  :)

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