Monday, September 26, 2011

You Ruined My Wedding


This weekend, I flew back to NY for Debina’s wedding.  As you can imagine, a good time was had by all, but for you, I’ll share the details.  Before I do so, let me give you a brief “character update.”  (I’ve been meaning to make you all a “Character List” but today is just not that day. 

Debina hates the name Debina and would much prefer Deb.  I’ve also known her for 29 years, (I was friends with her brother Chris first and we both had to wait around a year for her to arrive, but it was worth the wait.)  And, she just married, Mark. 


  
Her other bridesmaids consisted of her sister in law Ro, Moe (not to be confused with my sister Maureen), Jenine or “Ween” and Kristine, or “K.”  Moe & Ween grew up in the neighborhood next to mine, (the same one as Briana, if anyone is keeping track) that we call the “Fishbowl.) Moe, Ween and K all went to the same school as Deb and I, but like Deb, they were in the year below me, but we still played soccer and volleyball together (b/c I wasn’t very good at either and only made it to JV for two years.) Alright, let the stories begin!



When I go home, inevitably, I turn back into a little kid, asking my parents to pick me up and drive me to my friend’s house.  This time, my mommy picked up Moe & K and brought us to Deb’s house before the rehearsal dinner on Thursday night.  On our way up, K asked Moe to be the legal guardian for her two kids if, God forbid, she and her husband die.

Moe: Is this for real? You better be careful, my mom might show up at your door with a shotgun just to get some grandkids. 

Mark and Deb drove us to the church…

Mo: On our way here (church), Mark told us about this adorable little fight they had last week, and then we saw it live!



True Story.  At one point, Deb looked in her side mirror and asked, “Fany, are you HIDING in your purse?” I replied, “No. I’m getting out a game to play because I am extremely uncomfortable right now.”

While I was taking to Deb’s parents about what's going on with me lately, Jenine and Moe looked at each other and said, “We need to kill Tiffany and take over her life.”  Aww schucks, Guys.  I’ll send you a postcard from Munich!

When we got to the rehearsal dinner, we all ordered beverages.

K (returning to the table, seeing our drinks in hand): You didn’t get me a drink?
Moe: Rookie mistake to go to the bathroom before you order a drink.
Ween: Honestly, we didn’t think about you at all.
Me: Is that the apology we’re going with?

As we were all happily giggling and generally making merry at the rehearsal dinner, Deb looked straight at us and said sternly, "Stop being so positive."

Ween: Moe had this bed that you inevitably rolled into the center of. After a party, I'd stay over and I'd wake up on Maureen and then I was like “well, this is happening”. 


Ween drove us all from the church to the rehearsal dinner.  After dinner, K drove us home in Ween’s car.  While Ween, Moe and I were in the back seat, Ween suddenly said, "I just thought ‘Oh man, how are we getting  my car back from the church?" Basically, we all went back to Deb's after dinner to paint our nails and watch Bridesmaids.  As we were discussing how very early we were going to have to get up the next morning, we all heard Deb yell, "Ugh! I hate getting married!" 


K: Does anyone want to see my stomach after two kids?

Ween: We've already seen your nips.
K: You better show me yours at 8 months.

While doing nails (bright orange I might add), Ween handed me a bag of Doritos that landed on my nail, and messed it up.  I refused to redo it, so I just referred to it as "Dorito Nail" for the rest of the weekend.  Now, that the creator of Doritos, Arch West, died today, I'm worried my Dorito nail had something to do with it.  

Moe: K, do you wanna have another baby while were having a beer?
Ween: Seriously, Do you want anything K?
Moe: Yeah, offer her a drink, while you sit on your ass and I go get the beers. 

Moe: The Crackle barrel next the hotel is the only reason I rsvped yes. 


K: Why does he talk like that?
Moe: He's from Ireland that's like me hearing someone say "Coma esta?" and you'd be like "It's my husband."

Me: This bridal party has been the best ever, in fact I might just reuse you for mine
Ween: Awesome, I can’t wait.
Me: My friends are going to be so mad.
Ween: You can't take it back.



Moe and I volunteered to get up first for hair and makeup.  I borrowed Deb’s hair dryer and then put it back under the sink.  20 minutes later I heard Deb yell: WHERE IS THE HAIR DRYER! Me: I put it back! Deb: YOU RUINNED MY WEDDING.  She then proceeded to tell me that I ruined her wedding at least 20 more times, not anyone else, just me.  To which my standard response was, “I already did that this morning!”


  
Me: That shower was awesome.
K: I think I showered my nipple off.
Moe: seriously, my stomach got raped in there.  

In the limo, on our way over to the church, we were taking pictures when I got worried that inadvertently, my chest was getting into a photo.
Moe: You're not in it but your boobs are in the other car. 



We arrived a tad late to the church, so we were a bit rushed.  Deb’s dad said something super sweet to her like, “You’ll always be my baby girl.” Which, in turn, made Deb start crying (don’t worry, I think our makeup was shellacked on.)  But, like she did throughout the day, Deb yelled, “Tiffany! Say something funny!” Only, I was so panicked about not knowing when I was supposed to walk down the aisle, I couldn’t think of anything to say.  Now, you have to realize that, the back wall/barrier in this church is glass, so everyone is standing there, looking at me confused.  Finally, Deb just told me to go, just walk down the aisle.  Which I do.  Until half way down, when I am told to stop and go back, which I do, after making a downward fist motion, followed by me turning around and saying, “Oh Shit.” In front of Jesus and my parents. 

Me: You told me to go!
Deb (cracking up at me): Why would you listen to me!
(At least she stopped crying?)

Then, I took the sweater off, that I forgot that I was wearing, and threw it on the floor in the back of the church (and yes, everyone saw me do that too) and then I walked down for real.

After the ceremony, Erin came up to me and said, “I liked the first time you walked better.  The second time looked rehearsed.” And Moe, helpfully said, “I'm glad it was you.  I would have just walked faster forward.” Thanks, Moe.


  
Deb’s brother Michael, had to change his baby’s diaper as soon as we got to the church, so when the priest announced that Michael would be doing the next reading, we all got to see him running, baby in hand, down the aisle.  He quickly passed his child to his mother, and then, as he was walking up onto the alter, he slammed his foot squarely in the center of Deb’s dress/train.  Welp, at least I didn’t do that.

We had a couple rest moments during the cocktail hour.  One little girl was explaining to Ween about a boy she liked who she met at dance class.  After a brief description of the lad, I overheard Ween suggest that, “Brandon might like a Jonas Brother.” 


I also, particularly enjoyed, when Mark, Deb’s husband (!) starting doing a funky dance, before going after the garter belt, Deb clearly asked, “Are you retarded?”  Mark was such a happy boy, especially at the after party at the hotel where he was bouncing like Tigger.  Though, I agree with Michael also, when he said, “He's like a gazelle.” Maybe a combination of the two.  

In other news, I kind of heart that on my way back from a meeting last week, my boss said to me, "Before you leave you have to spend some time playing the Terminator arcade game." Such a slave driver.   





Luke, after looking at a particularly famous picture, That’s gotta be the worst place to nap. 
Jordan: But I bet it’s fun before you hit the ground. 



Maureen's boys were getting the lecture about how you have to stop playing games and study hard so you can get a good job and use all of the things you learn later in life.  But then, Kevin spoke up to say, I don't know, my aunt makes toys and plays video games all day.


When the boys got home from school on Thursday, they very mature started some small talk:
Patrick: How's halo?

Kevin: Do you miss Pokemon?
Kyle: You know, that Halo game is very violent. 


When Kyle was having trouble with his homework, my dad asked Kevin if he knew what Kyle was working on. Thats when Kevin walked over, looked at it, and said, "yea.  It’s something he should have learned at school. 


Saturday night, we went up to Eisenhower Hall at West Point to see Gabriel Iglesias.  My parents have had season tickets for Ike Hall for as long as I can remember, and I often took Evivova with us, but it has been a few years since she joined us.  Now, when you go to West Point, post 9/11 you have to go through two security checks. 


Evivova: Everything is so different now!  I did feel nauseous on the way over here so that hasn't changed. (If you have never been, the road on the way up to the Bear Mountain Bridge is on the side of a big mountain, where all you can see over the edge is the Hudson, and it is VERY windy, and, if you don’t know anything else about Evivova, you should know that, she gets car sick.)

Evivova was very worried that our (Maureen and I, that is) laughter, while at the comedy show, would draw the comedian’s attention and she might be called out.  She actually told me that being mocked in public was her worst fear.  So naturally, at one point, when the house lights came on and the comedian looked into the audience, my sister yelled at the top of her, "EVA!" 




Okay…  I also went apple picking with Maureen and the boys (While apple picking, I was CONVINCED that I had gotten poison Ivy and had to run home and try to wash it off), hung out with Lisa and her new twin babies, and saw Morgan's game yesterday.  But, basically, that's what I did last week.   I had to leave some of it out because I understand you have other stuff going on in your life that does not revolve around reading about my life. :)


Monday, September 19, 2011

How I Wear "Pretencious."


My friend Cathy, when she started going into labor, posted “Owwwiiiiee!” on Facebook.  The comments that followed included my oh-so-helpful “Have you had that baby yet? This is TORTURE for us! Let me know when to bring over champagne and cupcakes.”  This led to Jen saying that I could bring them over to her place at any time, and Laina telling me to stop by her house first on the way.  Shane reading the story unfold, said to Cathy, “I don’t know what just happened, but I think we’ve been uninvited and the party is moving somewhere else.”  I told my sister the story and she said, “Yea.  They should get used to missing a lot from now on.”

Shane told us that Cathy was a real champ (even making jokes throughout the labor).  He also mentioned that he was told that the birth would be horribly messy, like the worst mess imaginable.  He, therefore, imagined holding up his son, hands so drenched in blood that it was dripping down his arms and shirt.  So compared to THAT, it wasn’t so bad. 





Cathy: My dad brought his favorite teddy bear from [South Africa].
Dawne: I’m sure that he saved something special for each of his grandchildren.
Me: NOPE. Cathy is his favorite. 





Lucas: I better make sure that the woman I am going to marry has a high pain tolerance before I ask her to marry me.
Me: How are you going to test it?
Lucas: Sorry, I pushed you down the stairs. Accident!



Shana brought all the things you can’t have during pregnancy like soft cheeses and a baguette
Lucas: Nice! A sword training so he can be a young beast master.

Lucas: What does this “Baby code” and “Adult code” mean?
Shane: It’s a new ID system.

Lucas: My inner sole is worn.
Me: Metaphorically? Your soul is tattered and torn by the hardships of life?
Lucas (point to shoe while I give him a hard time): No – look.  It’s worn down to the core. Use your eyes!



I went over to Liana’s on Thursday night to watch “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.”  Funny things were said:

Laina: Do you watch big love?
Mark: I like the idea.

Watching a commercial:
Mark: I believe in not using a dirty catheter.  That's a good message but I don't want to hear it.
Jen: Is this a big enough problem that it needs to be a commercial? That’s the real concern here.


Mark: I was reading Morley and Me to a girl and I was getting choked up but she was bawling.
Me: She must have looked like a mess – you should have slammed the book closed.
Mark: And said “Is this how you're going to behave!? DOGS DIE. That’s right.




I am hanging out with the Lucanator and two puppies this week while the real adults are off in Chicago watching Kara and Amy play Volleyball.  Friday morning, Casper’s exuberance caused me to be punched in the nose.  I thought for a moment he broke it, but then it was fine… until I suddenly had a monumental headache... or maybe it was me taking nail polish off in an enclosed car... one of those for sure was the culprit in my teeny crisis. I guess love really does hurt (ooh! Maybe Luke can use that on his future bride!)




So, we’re in the car driving to school…

Me: How about that planet made of diamonds they found.
Lucas: I bet diamonds are so not a big deal to them.
Me: Today, I bet they’re version of D-Bad is Diamond Bag (Instead of Dirt Bag).
Lucas: I think most people mean douchebags when they say D-Bag.
Me: I know, but that ruins my joke.
Lucas: Speaking of which I’m making a list of all of the things I hate.
Then he actually pulls out of his book bag and physical list of things he hates, including broken guitar strings and douchebags
Me: Do you hate the people who are douchebags or the object?
Lucas: The people – maybe I should but that in parenthesis.
Me: Or just write “You know who you are.”




And because it’s always fun share work conversations:

Me: I'm fired up, frankly.
Rollie: that would be a great shirt, front: FRANKLY, back: I'M FIRED UP.
Mat: we should start a T-shirt company, Tiff you write all the T-shirts and I'll design them. Better yet Tiff you just talk and Rollie will tell you when something is T-shirt appropriate and I'll design them.
Me: My assignment: Talking. Done and Done.
Rollie: I like that, when do I get paid?
Me: up front preferably.
Mat: when you produce results, and you have to go through a review process, and set goals yearly.
Me: sounds like a lot of judgment. I don't care for that.
Mat: Could that be a T-shirt?
Rollie: Frankly I’m a little less fired up about all this.

What seemed like two seconds later:





This weekend, I had every intention of partying so softly.  Friday was totally low key.  Saturday, just like Thursday and Friday, we were all up at 6 am (when I say we, I mean myself and the puppies.)  Since I was up, we made another trip to the dog park (three days in a row Dawne, if you were keeping track.)  Then stuff happened that’s not important, and then Luke and I ran over to the Bravern in Bellevue (Sooo classy.  We decided that, like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, we were candidates to be asked to leave at any moment.)  Being able to walk out with 120 Trophy Cupcakes might have been the only reason that we weren’t.  This was followed by some disappointing news for Lucas, so I asked him if he wanted to some Jamba Juice.  Lucas replied, “Yea, I could use something sweet in my life.”  After taking the first sip, I mentioned something about a taste explosion happening, but Lucas made it better with, “It’s like a party in your mouth and everyone’s drinking.”

The cupcakes were for Becky's big dinner.  Becky managed to get 92 homeless people to attend her big feast at Fare Start  where everyone was super excited to be there, got lots of good food and left with a brand new back pack of supplies.  Becky didn’t want us to give the impression that we were perfect goodie two shoes (that’s a weird expression isn’t it?) We ensured the message would be received my making our own shirts with a list of our faults, and then she wanted us to write “Who would you give a Second Chance?”  I know, it WAS hard to choose from my many faults, especially on the fly, but I went with:

I can’t take anything seriously.
I’m not so good with the Listening.
I am not a hugger. Seriously.  (I also don’t have a thesaurus or a dictionary.)
I am a Chatty Cathy (named Tiffany. )
To whom would you grant a second chance? 
I am also pretentious. *

*But I spelled it “Pretencious” ironically.

Later, we were kidding around about no one being perfect and that everyone’s hands are metaphorically unclean.  I was like, “Man! That’s what I should have put on my shirt, “My hands are unclean.” And then people would have been like…uh, you didn’t make my dinner did you? Gross.


 After that, I headed over to Hudson’s for Jen’s belated birthday dinner where the topic of Google + and circles came up. 

Hays: I just have one circle for “Nutjobs.”
Jen: Michael has one of those too with a totally different meaning.

Then we headed out to Goldies/Bogarts for Karaoke where I crashed and burned trying to sing I Try but Macy Grey (I totally don’t know anything beyond the chorus, now I know.)  But didn’t COMPLETELY butcher the Sesame Street Theme Song, so I guess we’re a-ok.  Now, I also recorded Shana singing some Cher for Jen, but I’ll have to post that later because I’m having some technical issues.  But when I do... it's going to wrap this up REAL NICE.  


TA DA! 


video

Monday, September 12, 2011

How NOT to Leave an Impression


I got into work on Monday, after a week of vacation, and all of my stuff (including my monitors etc.) were missing.  Awk. Ward.  I did finally get my stuff back today so I went ahead and told everyone I was taking more time off next week, and then again the week after that. :P

Lucas: I need to get some pumped up kicks. 
Me: They are pretty cool. 
Lucas: Yea, I just listened to a song that was talking about shooting people with pumped up kicks, so now I want them.
Me: Super advertising. 

Me: How’s the new band sounding?
Lucas: Not bad.  Well, more like somewhere between not bad and really bad.

Maureen: You cannot keep my son.
Dara: I know that.
Dara's son Jason: It's in Kevin's room! (as in, the room Dara has given my nephew.)
Maureen: Seriously.  You cannot keep him. 

Lucas: I slept in my brother’s room because it’s darker in there.  I figure if I don’t have crabs, then I win.  But I haven’t checked my pubic area yet, so the jury is still out.  

I had breakfast with Becky on Thursday at Microsoft, and I noticed this sign in the courtyard:




Dawne: Lucas has been having us watch this Karma show that has been teaching us to be better people.
Me:  It’s not called Karma.  We’ve been watching My Name is Earl.
Jordan: How sad is it that we are taking life advice from My Name Is Earl?

Lucas: Jason Lee is my favorite skateboarder.  He signed a poster in Zumies by writing, “Bellevue Zumies is the best Zumies.”  He’s so cool.


Lucas: This guy at the Skate Park told me I’m so straight edge that it is impossible to communicate with me.
Me: Why would he say that?
Lucas: Well he was talking about Candy…
Me: like LSD or Ecstasy or whatever?
Lucas: Yes, and I was like… Candy!?  I Love Candy!!

Lucas: Why do they put pickles on the Ketchup and Mustard bottles?  They should be sued for false advertising. 
Me: Maybe the pickle is the international symbol for condiments.
Lucas: More like the international sign for condoms.




I went out to a dinner party on Thursday where I met a guy who shares my love for all things Christmas.  Rachel's friend was sitting near me, and at one point she commented about my eating habits.  The gentlemen next to us asked if we knew each other.

Me: Nope. Never met.
Gin: No, but I can tell from looking at her she is a super picky eater.
Me: Yea, and frankly I think she is terribly overweight and shouldn't talk.
(Did I mention that Gin is 8 1/2 months pregnant?)

Lucas went to see Avi Buffalo on Friday while I was out having drinks with Missy and Charles.  I guess the lead singer made a comment "This guy's facial hair looks like my grand pappy."  To which Lucas, up in front, laughed hysterically. The lead singer looked right at him and said" What are you laughing at? Nothing is funny about my grand pappy."

We were shopping last week, and when we got to the car, I was unloading the shopping cart.  I looked up at Luke and said, "Luke! Are you going to help?" to which he replied, "Sorry, I saw my reflection in a mirror. You know how it is."



Saturday morning was the traditional, sitting around drinking coffee and playing on our own individual electronics in the kitchen. 
Me: What did people do at breakfast before technology?
Uncle Ray (iPad in hand): Be social, communicate with each other.
Me: We are collectively working on sending out an invitation, how much more social do you want us to be?
We went to Seattle for breakfast/lunch and hunted for backpacks at rite aids.  On our way back, I invited Jen, Hays and Lily over for some pool and boat time which was VERY fun.  Then Becky came to pick me up to go to Dave's BBQ.  This guy had like 70 pounds of ribs, homemade sausages, lamb shank, brisket and salmon.  It was meatopia. 



I have been trying to explain to people that I am not memorable.  And every time someone protests, there seems to be a perfect example that comes up to confirm my suspicions.  There was a guy that I met at the WizKids store 8 year ago, we had hung out, played apples to apples together, I thought we share a moment, but alas, when we met on my first day at Pok√©mon, he had no recollection of me whatsoever.  Naturally, when I was inebriated at the BBQ on Saturday, in front of huge group, I decided to bring it up, all in good fun.  While I am telling him, it’s totally okay, lots of people don't remember me, this guy Eric sits down next to me.  He's looking at me like he totally has never seen me before and introduces himself.

Eric: Hi, I'm Eric and you are....?
Me: Tiffany.  I sat in the desk next to you for 9 months... we shared a cubicle wall.
Eric: Oh man, I'm sorry I just... um...
Me: Do you remember me knocking down your chopsticks?
Eric: I remember that.  I had to move those.  But...

Case. Closed. 

I told my Uncle Ray this story the next day, and he was like, "People forget things.  How long ago did you work with him?"  3 months ago Uncle Ray.  3 months ago. 



There was a girl at the party who had two underwear mentions. First, that she could put her foot on her chest, but not right at that moment because she was wearing a dress and no underwear.  And then, later, that when she was little she thought changing her underwear meant putting on another pair over the ones she had on until she was in a changing room at JC Penny, and he mom was like "Why are you wearing ten pairs of underwear."  I don't even know if I caught this lady's name. 

On our way home from Dave's, Becky and I started to drunk dialing (okay, she was covering the driving, and I was covering the drunk dialing) but we put it on speaker and started serenading former co-workers with our interpretation of "Hero" from Mariah Carey.  You're Welcome. 

Me: We need to hit up Border's before they close.
Lucas: They have dvds and cds so you don't have to touch those paper things. I learned that from my grand pappy.

In more ‘uke news (I’m trying out a new nick name), ‘uke bought a mini, hot wheels branded, skate board covered in chalk from the small child that had it before him.  He plans on rockin’ it at the skate park today.  I can’t WAIT to see how that goes. 




I was totally convinced that Cathy was going to have her baby on Saturday, 9/10/11 at 8pm.  Shockingly, I could not WILL it to fruition – but today is the big day! Yay!




I ended up leaving Borders with 20 pink backpacks - in case anyone was curious.  OH! That reminds me, Becky, who you hear about all the time is doing yet another thing that makes us all feel like we should be better people.  She is throwing, on her own, a big banquet for 100 homeless people next weekend.  She is asking for people to sponsor/donate backpacks containing a toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, soap or wet wipes, deodorant, bottles of shampoo and conditioner (can be bigger or a some small ones), 2 or 3 pairs of socks, a comb or brush, razors, band aids or small first aid kit, and a bottle of water or two.  If you are in town, and want to help out, I'll pick up the supplies from you before Friday. 

And... Happy Belated Birthday Carla! 
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Thursday, September 8, 2011

Goofy Bastard



Now, where was I? Oh yes.  We were just leaving Universal, headed towards Disney.  As we drove onto the property Stacey admitted that she felt dirty as if she had cheated on Mickey himself.  I had no such feelings of remorse.  We arrived at the Contemporary, which not only looked like a big cruise ship, but was also very ironically named.  We were in the new building though, and our room was OFF. THE. HOOK.  Two floors of amazing.  Stacey made sure that we didn’t touch anything until she could take pictures… and aren’t you glad she did?




After dropping our stuff off, we ran over to Epcot.  We got on the Nemo Ride and the announcement of “No Flashing!” came over the loud speaker followed by my brother’s comment, “Tiffany!”  The Mission to Mars (or whatever it’s called) ride was epic – and they gave out free vomit bags!  I’ll take two, please!  Then we traveled back into time for Michael Jackson’s Captain EO 3D adventure,




 Crush was hilarious, and I couldn’t help thinking that the most retro thing in all of Epcot was Tomorrowland.  We got a text at some point that announced “The sh*t show had arrived” right before we saw Michelle, Doug, and their two little ones Nate & Kate.  (Nate, at 2 ½ was calling me Aunt Tiffany, and I don’t care how confusing it will be later, I was not going to correct him.)

Monday, we went to the Animal Kingdom. After proclaiming for 12 hours that I had never been there, I walked into the Lion King Show and re-negged my previous claims entirely. 

Stacey (After watching her 2 1/2 year old nephew go from laughing to screaming): He could be bi-polar.

Sean: Look at this goofy bastard.
I look around and see the one and only, Goofy. 




Sean (In response to waiting for small children and their parents to get it together): If we were taking the bus I'd be furious right now.

I also spent the day talking about how I wanted to see a Muntjac (as advertised in the brochure) only we couldn’t find one.  I googled it though, so that’s the same. 





We headed back to jump in the pool but after ten minutes it started to thunder.  Sean was thrilled.  Then it was Stacey’s turn to be “Thrilled” when we got to the boardwalk/epcot and it was pouring out.  PONCHO TIME! (I think I was just lucky that Stacey didn’t make it PUNCH “T” TIME! (Sometimes my enthusiasm just isn’t appreciated. :P )  We had a fine meal of chicken nuggets before we left the girls with Michelle and Doug and headed to Mexico, followed by Germany and France. 

Sean: Worst case scenario, we’ll meet you at 9 at the bridge.
Stacey: You can’t just dump our kids on them until 9.
Sean: I did say “worst case scenario.”  Come on! Let’s go hit the Donald Duck ride. 

At night, outside of our hotel, there was a magical, boat of lights and song that looked a little bit like a sea serpent but then would change as the “show” went on. The first night, we all went out on the balcony and marveled at the night lights.  Three days later…

Me: What is that?
Sean: Oh, it's that musical crap outside.
Stace: People pay good money for that crap.




In addition to the musical crap, our room also allowed us access to the rooftop & bar where you could view the fireworks and they even piped in the when you wish upon a star music.  There was also a map of what we were looking at.  I made a comment that the map should have been labeled “Obvious” until days later, Stace asked, “What is that big white building right in front of us.”  Space Mountain, Stace.  Check out the map. 




We came down from the bar one night (or maybe Doug and Sean we’re going up to the rooftop?  IDK) anyway, before they left, Doug spilled beer all over the couch.  I jokingly told him to flip the cushion – only I meant when it was dry.  He flipped it immediately, and it wasn’t a flippable cushion, so when he walked away I flipped it back to dry.

Sean, unaware of the situation, “What did Doug spill over there? My ass is all wet.”
Doug: I flipped it over!
Me: You can't, dumb dumb.

Wednesday was Hollywood Studios – where we hit Aerosmith twice and the Tower of Terror all in the first ¾ hour.  Rockin’ it.   We also did the new Toy Story Ride, and all of the other essentials, fun fun fun.  Followed by another ten minute attempt at the pool and a game of bocce – dinner at Wolf Gang Pucks – and then we were back at Hollywood for round two. 

Walking through the parking lot
Sean: All those people would be dead.
Me: What?
Sean:  All of those people would be dead.  That's what Darwin says. Now we give them front row seats.
(I looked over, and yes.  I saw the Handicapped Parking area.)




On the movie ride at Hollywood Studios:
Morgan: It's not scary. Unless you don't like musicals…
Sean: Then it’s terrifying.

Bails: Let's just go on this ride 5 more times until the park closes.
(5 Minutes later)
Actor(to Bails): Hey doll face, can you drive the getaway car?
Bails (to me): I don't want to go on this ride ever again.

Walking behind a mass of people on our way to the show
Sean: Can we fast pass Fantasmic?
Morgan: Yea. The fast pass is if we run right now.

Thursday we took full advantage of having a 7 minute walk to the Magic Kingdom.  We also continued our habit of not eating lunch and sometimes dinner – because honestly if it’s a choice between eating and another ride, ALWAYS go for another ride.  

Me: Did you eat today?
Stace: I had some soft serve, you?
Me: I had a Corona.
Stace: Did it have a lime?
Me: Yes.
Stace: Well, that’s nutrition. 

Stacey: My grandmother bought me one of those leather bracelets every year, and every year it was spelled S-T-A-C-Y.

We came back in between the Magic Kingdom and then used the monorail to hit up Epcot and then back to the Magic Kingdom for the parade.  On our way to Epcot, we were stopped for a bit. 

Announcement: Monorail maintenance
Stace: Is that like when there is interference on the tracks (in NY)?
Sean: Suicide on the rails!

Doug: Stay away from the pole, Katie!
(Did I mention that Katie is 14 months old?)
Stace: Bailey has been asking for a (stripper) pole to be installed in her room because, as she keeps telling me, she has incredible upper body strength.  Jackie, however, has asked for a Fireman’s pole that goes from her room to the living room.  I told her I would consider it if it means she comes downstairs when I ask her to. 

Epcot consisted of us trying to drink ourselves through the countries (note to self, I did NOT care for their Margarita’s), sharing a pretzel with Jackie and Bails for dinner, followed by more drinking. 

(Sean suddenly started sprinting ahead) Stace: Where is he going? I am going to KILL him. 
Sean running back: I wanted to run ahead and get more beer before we left.
This was followed by me hanging back to help carry/ID for the beer, followed by us running with tops that didn’t actually fit the cups, to catch up with everyone.  Here’s Bails in the Monorail, holding her cousin’s sippy cup and newly acquired Viking gear, all while helping me with my beer:




While we were heading to the MK, the monorail stopped again.  While Stace wouldn’t let me start a sing-a-long the first time we were stopped, Michelle had no problem encouraging me to get everyone to sing ZIPPADEEDOODA! Weird, as soon as I started singing the monorail decided to start working again.  You’re welcome, Stacey. 



Friday we had another magical day on super speed.

Morgan before the Haunted Mansion: Aunt Tiffany, will you sit next to me? But no one in the middle because that's where the ghost sits.

In the time that I was on Thunder Mountain, due to the lack of lock on my phone, I sent 4 messages via FB, Composed 5 emails, and Texted a picture of Bailey 10 times.  It really IS a smart phone. 

Bailey (13) got me to go on the Teacups several times because it is her absolute favorite ride. See?




I also discovered that Bailey is now a teenager.  I don’t mean because I just noticed 5 months late that she turned 13, but because she now cares about how she looks.  I think my barometer is for girls, if its 98 degrees out with 100% humidity and you still have your hair down, wearing layers of clothing because it looks better and/or are wearing high heels in a park, you are a teenager.  For boys, naturally, the opposite is true, you are wearing a tank top, shorts and sandals and there is snow on the ground, congratulations, you are a teenager.  

Why was Cinderella terrible at playing Soccer? Because her coach was a pumpkin!  (Leave me in stiches)

We actually got a lot of good sun/pool time, which is also where we lost Sean, Jackie and Morgan – but Bails, Stace and I persevered as we headed back to see the 3 o’clock parade.   (I know Stacey told Morgan that “Water and soap need to touch your skin every other day” but every time I showered I questioned WHY I would waste my time.  95+ degrees and heavy humidity will do that.  On Saturday, as we were walking out of the hotel, Nate asked, “What happened to the sticky stuff, Mommy?” and I realized that’s what he was calling the humidity.  J )

Oh! Okay, so this isn’t funny, but I wanted to tell you anyway.  On one of the days where there was thunder so we had to leave the pool, I came inside, played go-fish for 5 minutes and then, went upstairs for a nap.  Two seconds later, Morgan, my bed buddy, was up in the room with me.  She said, “I’m just changing out of my suit.” However, what she did was close the curtains and crawl into bed with me.  Such a snuggle bug! 

Friday night we hit the Floridian for dinner which was divine (and not just because we were actually eating dinner.) Saturday morning, Sean and Stacey left wicked early (they had a 1pm soccer tournament to go to for Jackie O.)  With the entire day open to me, I did what any girl would do; I went back to Universal and spent the majority of the day in Hogsmeade. 

Here is my lame attempt at capturing the ride I went on 7 times (that’s right. 7 times.  There was a 90 minute wait time, but *I* was a single rider:




And here is the Sorting Hat:


Also, they had Moaning Myrtle in the bathrooms. Nice work, Universal. 

Over all, a pretty epic trip/Christmas present.  I hope you had as much fun hearing about it!