Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Newest Weird Al Fan

I was watching Practical Magic last week when Lucas walked into the living room.
Lucas: Is that Michael Jackson?
Me: No! It's Sandra Bullock.
Lucas:  It looks like Mike.   And Mike doesn't look great.  

I wrote down a quote, "I feel like one of those guys with manure." but do not remember the context.  Maybe, it doesn't need context. 

Wednesday night I went to see Rent with Dr. Rach and Anders.  Prior to the play, we grabbed dinner at Rockbottom.
Me: Have you ever seen Rent?
Anders: No, have you?
Me: Yeah.  I saw it with the original cast on Broadway, but I'm sure this version will be good too. 
Dr. Rach: I don't know if you knew this, but this is actually a sing-along.
Anders: Really?
Me: No, but it will be.  Will you light my caaandeeeeaaaaaaaaeeeeellllllllllllllll!

I had breakfast with Becky on Thursday morning.
Me:  I can't believe you aren't wearing your BFF necklace?
Becky:  I'm not wearing my wedding ring.  I think Jared might take issue if I remembered to wear my BFF necklace but forgot my wedding ring.
Me: I'm not wearing mine either.  Nate tried to make me feel bad for not wearing it all the time, but I'm afraid it's not built for everyday wear and tear.
Becky:  I spent like 2 dollars on it, I'm pretty sure it isn't sterling silver. 
Me: See! By not wearing it, I'm really maintaining the friendship. 

I also brought my coffee into the Original Pancake House.  I then proceeded to pour the non-flavored coffee into the flavored coffee.  When I explained what I was doing, Becky said, "So, you are effectively watering down the good coffee with every pour."  Well, kinda.  I also explained that I often bring outside coffee to breakfast/brunch because I can't be trusted to drive to breakfast sans coffee.  Then I pointed out a specific instance when I did this with some college friends and Nick because very agitated and embarrassed to be with me. 
Me:  I don't know why he got so upset. Unless he was jealous that I already had coffee while we were waiting and he didn't.  I mean, the first thing I do when I sit down is order coffee.
Becky:  Really, you're saving the establishment money because it's free refills and now you aren't going to drink as much.
Me: Where were you last year when this came up!?
Becky:  Maybe you can casually send him an email, open up a conversation, and throw it in.  That's what I do with Jared when I think of better material. 
Me: Or I could put it in the Monday email. 

I bought a new front door for my dad a couple of years ago.  I let him pick whatever door he wanted, but for whatever reason (and I'm TOTES blaming the installation process) it doesn't close properly and you have to slam it every time.  And you know who doesn't bother to make sure it's closed?  His three grandsons who are frequent visitors.  I cannot emphasize enough how much this door annoys my father. 
Me: How's it going?
Frita: That storm door you bought me has a big opening when you don't SLAM it shut.  It couldn't protect us against a gnat, never mind a storm. 
(I was giggling too much to properly apologize.)

You know how banks send you a new debit card every 5 years or so?  Well, 5 years ago, when my card was sent, my mom called to say that it had arrived and I said to just hold onto it, and I would pick it up in a week when I flew home.  The next day, I left my card in an ATM and lost it.  (This was before internet on phones so I was panicking trying to find the number to cancel my phone btw.)  On Wednesday, Momela told me that my ATM card had arrived and I, once again, said just hold on to it, and I'll pick it up next week when I fly home.   That's right, on Thursday night, subconsciously thinking that I no longer needed that card, I left it in a parking meter in Seattle.  I just canceled the card the next day, but then on Saturday, I got a facebook message for an awesome Samaritan who had found my card!  Good Karma all around!

By the way, I was in Seattle on Thursday night to see Weird Al Yankovic with Lucas.  When I told my boss, she could not stop telling everyone - like I should be embarrassed.  Well, ha ha ha, I'm not. Weird Al was highly entertaining - and he was playing at Benaroya Hall, where the symphony plays.  I laughed a lot.  Here was one of the video's I found particularly amusing (he played videos from his show and clips of all the places he's been made fun of in movies and TV from Scooby-doo to Friends to Naked Gun 2 1/2 while he changes costumes for each song.):

On Friday, Kelly and I went to Purple for lunch.  My boss told me to grab a drink at work, which is basically telling me its okay to get a flight of Riesling, but I was still nervous about someone walking by and seeing 8 glasses between Kelly and I at 12:30 in the afternoon.  When the waiter came to take our order with an upside down horseshoe on his belt:
Kelly:  Do you know about horse shoes and that if they are upside down all the luck falls out?
Waiter: That is only true if you believe in it.
Me: Sure, only, it really is true. 
Waiter: I'm going to go get your drinks.
Me: Good Luck!
When he came back:
Waiter: I made it back okay.
Me: Super. 
Waiter: This is how it's supposed to be buckled. 
Me: I'm not sure if that's true. 
Waiter: No, see, the button part is supposed to be on that side.
Me: That's true for guys, but women have it on the opposite side.
Waiter:  It was my grandmother's belt. 
Me: Mystery solved. 
Waiter: I'm gonna wear it like a MAN!
(and your grandmother is probably rolling in her grave that you're wearing that belt upside down.)

Later that evening, I met up with some folks from work.  When I arrived, I greeted folks with, "Hi! I'm Tiffany! I work with you."  That's normal.  I also invited BDug along.
Me: I'm bringing a friend because he's a sad panda.
Kelly: Great! I love Panda's!

The topic of BDug's finger came up, and as Humberto was making up something funny about BDug's digit, BDug interrupted to correct him.
Humberto: Wait! I'm telling a story. 

Later when BDug announced he had a headache and thought it might be a tumor.
Humberto: You're going to be really strong like John Travolta!
(I'll let you connect the dots on your own on that one.  :P)

At the second bar, we were all sitting inside when we decided it was quite warm and moved to the seating outside.  We failed to tell the waiter so he ran outside panicked and was very relieved to see we had just relocated.
Humberto: It's a little game called we don't pay.

The whole time, there was a couple in their late 40's making out inside the bar.  When we looked inside, we saw a guy sitting at the bar, who looked like Liam Neeson, openly staring at the make out couple.  Kelly started communicating with this guy through the window while Humberto took it a step further.  He went inside, introduced himself to Liam, then  he asked the couple to take picture of Liam and Berto pretending to be Jedi's.  Then, when he retrieved his phone, Berto said to the couple, "You guys have been making out for a while."

Saturday, I took Kelly with me to the Marymoor dog park (and she too, loved the wonder that is the dog park.)  Then we hung out in the pool all day until it was time for Linner.  That was when I rounded up Lucas to go to see Norah Jones.  After we had arrived at Marymoor, I then got a text from Kelly to tell us that she just got invited to the same show, but she wasn't changing out of her "homeless attire."  I reminded her that this was the PNW, and her attire wouldn't be any different than half the people attending.  Lucas and I had great seats and were able to be impressed by the myriad of random and vintage instruments being used (including a little kid piano.)   We decided she was good, but entertainment value dollar for dollar, Weird Al really brought it.  I kinda loved that Luke asked me to go to Weird Al and Norah Jones in the same week.  AND I loved that just yesterday he said, "I've been thinking about it and Norah Jones was really good.  Now that I've had time to let it marinate.  She was really good."  SUCCESS.  

We came home from Norah and watch UHF, featuring the classic comedic genius of Weird Al.  On Sunday, morning I was watching Heathers with the boys.
Me: I never saw Expendables.  How can I see Expendables 2?
Nate: Yeah, you can.  It's like "Who's line is it anyway?” there are no rules and the points don't matter.

A quick trip to the dog park, and before I knew it, it was time for Shana's Deck Christening.  Her Papa built her a new deck; so naturally, we needed to celebrate with champagne.  I was very careful around her parents though because I've gotten in trouble before with Champagne and her parentals.  I also brought Casper to play with us, and I thought he was very good around the 6 other puppies running around.  I'll try to capture as much of the hilarity as I can.

We were talking about Leavenworth, and I said I wanted to go for Oktoberfest, and then we started talking about dirndl's and how slutty the one I wore in Munich last year was.  Then, because Shane thought it was pronounced "Dur-dle" this happened:

Shane: Did you wear a girdle with your dirdle?
Me: No.
Shane: I bet you were really fertile while wearing your girdle and dirdle.
Me: Yes, but I did not have a turtle.
Shane: Wait, I have one more... Did you jump and Hurdles while fertile, carrying a turtle and wearing a girdle and dirdle? 

Fynn, Shane and Cathy's baby is 11 months now. 
Shane: Fynn, what does a sound a lion make?
Me: You don't know.
Shane: Don't embarrass me, Fynn

Later, I picked up Fynn and was walking around with him when I did one of those classic, pretend-to-drop-a-kid-then-they-laugh-because-it's-so-hilariously-surprising, moves.  Turns out, no one has ever showed him this move, and Fynn started crying big time.  This story snowballed until all of the sudden I was throwing a baby down on the deck instead of a bottle of champagne to "Christen" it and make sure that it was sturdy. 

Anders: Don't worry, babies have poor memories.
Laina: Yeah.  I mean he can't even remember what a lion sounds like. 

Dr. Rach was telling us all about her trip to Denmark and Sweden.  We had SO many questions like..
Did you eat any meatballs?
Did you go to Ikea?
Did you eat any fish?
Get a massage?
Did you eat very thin pancakes?
Shane: Get a watch? (I know that's swiss but it's close enough.)
Did you see a Mermaid?
Eat a pastry?
See any Great dogs?
Ask any philosophical questions... like to be or not to be?
Meet and princes?
This went on for a while when I said, "Okay guys, I think I might be tapped."
Shane: Wait, I think I have another one...
Laina: Did you see Claire... Danes?

Laina is dating a new guy who's name was too hard for her to remember so she made a new name for him.  He's in the coast guard.  When asked about what he was doing she said, very specifically, "He's doing something for science." 

Laina and Dr. Rach went to Vancouver last weekend to run a half marathon.  When they got back, Shana had bought Laina a skull ring, "For [actually] following through with something." 

Shana and Laina had gone to a wedding, and at the church they saw a guy reach for the Eucharist when his wife smacked his hand.  When they all sat down for the ceremony, Shana/Laina? turned to the guy and said, "So, I saw you were about to eat the body of Christ as a snack." 

Michael had bought fancy sunglasses for Shana's mom.  They were sitting on the table when Dr. Rach tried one pair on, and then said, "Kelly, you look like you're squinting." 

Later, Kelly was reaching to put the sunglasses back on, but when Laina started to hand her the bottle ones, she said, "No, no, these are much better for my face shape."

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