Friday, August 31, 2012

Bride Walkin' the Plank

Last week, while watching Girls - No.  Wait.  Let's talk about this show "Girls" for a minute.  Have you seen it?  It's like Sex in the City for 24 year old girls that don't know what they are doing.  It's a total train wreck - and Luke and I couldn't look away.  Except, we did look away when we saw a Gatorade and decided we needed said hydrating beverage immediately.  Checking out from the grocery store, with decidedly more groceries than just "Gatorade", we were told that a fight had started outside.  A fight.  In Bellevue (and not even downtown Bellevue.)  The cashier asked Luke if he was going to protect me and he said, "I can hardly bench press the bar - I'm not going to be helpful protecting."

While in a meeting, there were a lot of accessories that needed approval.  Someone asked my coworker, Jeremy to try on one of the belts.  When he had it on, instead of saying that he was ready to show it off, he said, "Who requested the removal of my pride?"

As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, we might have knocked up Nala (she goes to the doctor today.)  In our excitement, Uncle Ray built a whelping box.  Immediately, Luke and Dawne started decorating which included going out to get pink paint. 
Me: PINK!? Don't know babies need greens and yellows?
Dawne: But Nala likes pink!
Me:  When you were pregnant, did you paint the baby rooms pink? (Please remember she had three boys.)
Lucas:  It doesn't matter if they are male or female puppies, all Yorkies are girls. 
When I told this story to my parents and Mo and Do, I might have said, "Naturally, they decided to decorate the whelping box - because who wouldn't?!" to which Mo and Do exchanged a mutual "Who WOULD?" look.  :)
Frita (looking in magazine): Do you think your puppy will need a new blanket?
Momela: You wouldn't spend 15 dollars on your grand kids.
Frita: Of course not.  But this isn't my money. 

I got to work, and was parked on the street, finishing up a conversation with my mom, when a guy asked me to pull up so he could park.  Only, as I pulled up, I realized there was no way this huge truck was going to fit, nor would I be able to fit back in to the space and so I essentially got kicked out of my parking spot.  This isn't funny, it’s a "who does that?" story. 

Last weekend was Briana's bachelorette party in Newport, RI.  Being the planner that I am, I can't remember the last time I went on vacation and didn't have to do ANYTHING.  (Actually, I can remember, and it was when my mother planned the trip.)  My parents picked me up from the airport to bring me to Banana's and then just got into the car and relaxed.  I didn't need to know how to get there or where we were going.  Jessica, Briana's sister, had already gone shopping, got decorations and had planned the weekend.  It was lovely.

Me: I don't think I've ever been on vacation where I have done absolutely nothing.
Dena: Remind us to invite you to more things.

Dena, Briana's BFF, drove us to RI.  Halfway there, we stopped for Subway, and then she kicked into hyper gear.  Which is unfortunate, because this is when I tried to catch up on some sleep. 
Dena: We're here!
Though, actually we were only 5 minutes away, which was a good enough moment to actually open my eyes and start paying attention. We were staying on the "Main" street - Thames.

Dena: We're looking for Thames.
Me: Are you saying that right?
Dena: Thames? Tames? OH! is it THUMESS?
Me: Yes.  I do believe it's pronounced thumess.  Let's try that today. 

Dena: I think I'm getting old.
Briana: I know!  Sometimes loud music is too loud for me. 
Let's get this crazy Bachelorette Weekend going then!

After blowing up a couple of air mattresses and getting everything out of the cars, we decided to go for a beer and wine run. 
Dena: This is so relaxing!
(passing by a construction area)
Briana: Oh yeah, Bang bang bang, so relaxing!

Me: So - where's this engagement ring we have been hearing so much about?
Briana: I've never worn it. I'm going to try to sell it.

We were all sporting Captain Morgan tanks on Friday night, and we made sure to get some shots of Banana with her favorite beverage throughout the weekend.

We also did a little pre-gaming and then walked to dinner.  As we were walking Dena and I got several call outs by strangers like, "How's that rum, Ladies?" to which Dena got slightly offended until I mentioned that, hey, we are wearing Captain Morgan shirts.  :)  When we got to the restaurant, we immediately beelined to the ladies room, which had gigantic mirrors, in  the stalls - which I thought, was disturbing.  And one of us said, "Great.  I peed my pants already."

I'll try to speed up the telling of this story.  After dinner, we stopped at a place called "Buskers" which was pretty slow and empty and created the catch phrase, "That's so Buskers."  I, naturally, stopped at Starbucks.  Then we stopped by a more hip-happening location and the first think Dena said was, Who wants to get a cock?” her colorful way of asking who wanted an adult beverage.  The last two ladies of our party arrived at that point.  These two ladies had offered me a ride back from Newport with the caveat that one of the ladies was basically a chain smoked and I would smell like an ash tray when I got out of the car.  They were joking around, saying that they had exaggerated, which only made me push it to the point where they were not only chain smokers they probably had a mouth full of dip right the moment.   One of these ladies also said, "Wow, Briana!  This is great! I don't have friends like this!" and I said, "You don't even know us!" 

Denise: There was an Asian Pizza place selling gyros.
Briana: I don’t trust restaurants that specialize in more than one thing.
Me: Are you sure it wasn’t a Greek place?

Dancing was hot and sweaty.  On the way back from the bar, I watched a guy back up in his car, slowly backing into a chick in high heels, as a cop lady, on foot, was yelling, "STOP!"  He was not having a good night.  The following morning, we got up and headed to the beach.  The sand was lovely.  The sea was red.  Let me put it this way, if a thousand Elmo's were murdered in the ocean, this is what it would look like.  Early in the day it was still swimmable, but it got thicker as the day went on, and I couldn't get the dead Elmo image out of my head. 

We all went to the "Clam Shack" for lunch - with basically my worst nightmare of a food option.  Waiting 40 minutes in the sun to order the one non-fish item knowing that no matter what, that food was going to have touched seafood.  I gulped down a beer and tried not to think about it.   When we got back to the beach, ladies were talking about books. 
Briana: I can't believe they are talking about books.
Me: I know! Don't they know this is YOUR weekend and you shouldn't have to hear about anything related to reading!? I mean - I have a book in my bag but I refuse to take it out because I don't want to ruin your day. 
Briana (pulling out a magazine.): Ugh.  I've already read this.
Me: And be "read this" you mean...
Briana: I already looked at the pictures.  Yes.  

We got back, changed, went to another bar/dancing location.  Briana wore ridiculous heels and had to switch shoes on the way back.  The important bit here is that she looked fabulous. 

Stephanie:  I have a great idea for a product.
Denise: You should know that all of her great ideas end up already being products. 
Stephanie: Shut up.  I have a great idea.  Wouldn't it be great to have a booth, that you could step into before you got on the beach and you could be sprayed with SPF, or tanning spray...
Dena: or Vodka!
Me: I just googled it.  It does already exist for the SPF and Tanning spray at least.  Not sure about the Vodka. 

Lauren: I just saw a mouse.
Densie: Are you SURE it was a mouse?
Dena: Maybe it was an ant. 
Lauren: I'm not saying it definitely was a mouse... but it was grey, and furry, and it ran that way. 

Dena: That it!  Who put a perfectly round hole into my air mattress!?
Me: Seriously?  You ripped this whole into the air mattress when you pulled the tab off. 
Dena: Oh.
Denise: I want an apology. 

I really enjoyed being chill and relaxed until... Sunday, when my real personality showed up and I wanted to start organizing our day.  This included me making sandwiches for everyone so we could a) use the cold cuts Jessica brought b) didn't have to waste time finding a restaurant later and c) I didn't have to go back to the clam shack.  Then I steamrolled everyone into deciding what we were doing.  Eventually, we went to the Breakers, had a sandwiches on the grass, did a bit of the cliff walk and then went shopping.  While we were at the Breakers, there was a little kid on the top of the stairs outside who, with hands over his head, said "YO, ADRIEN!" Briana and I agreed that we should have invited him to the party. Later while we were shopping, I heard this 5 year old explain to his little brother, "Swordfish are really dangerous because they could poke your eye out."  True Story. 

Sign on the Cliff Walk:

Last Day – Sad face

I got to spend Monday with the fam.  Actually, not with Stacey because Maureen had received a call about a meeting at school and managed to convince the school that Stacey would be a better spokesperson for the meeting.  I guess, that's what sister-in-law's are for?   We were joking around about how my dad would often yell at us when we got hurt and how my nephews take similar tactics. 

Kid to crying kid: What were you running for anyway?
Maureen: Could you at least give him a hug?

Maureen: I remember falling, getting yelled at and trying desperately to get Mom thinking. "She's in the house somewhere - on the phone."

In reference to his older brother throwing watermelon rinds into the trash bins outside without trash bags:
7 year old: Do you do that at home?
9 year old: No.
7 year old: What do you do at home?
9 year old: I put it in the trash in the house.
7 year old: So... ?
Little brothers are so helpful. 

My parents were having a garage sale to raise money for the lake association.  Kyle, the 7 year old, bought a corn top pipe.  He then proceeded, with pipe in his mouth, start playing poker with his friends when he got up and announced, "I need a drink."  He then filled a gallon sized "cup" with 1/2 full with Iced Tea.  It was going to be a long day of gambling - he needed the caffeine I guess.  

And then... I went back to Seattle!  Give me a day or two and I'll try fill you in on why I was so late with this update.  :)

Here are some ridiculous and old Fred Armisen video bits for your viewing pleasure:

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