Monday, November 15, 2010

Gayby Not Scabies

 Luke and I went to Tuesday Morning’s this weekend to pick up some Christmas wrapping paper (I totally wrapped and put presents in a box to be shipped yesterday.  You can’t see me but I am actually patting my own back right now.)  As we were walking in, Luke told me that there were these epic flannel sheets that he saw last time he was there but his mom wouldn’t let him get them.  This didn’t sound like the Dawne I knew.  He then told me that the sheets were for a queen sized bed, but they were so incredibly awesome that he was going to cut them and then re-sew them to fit his twin bed.  He darted right to the sheet section to show me these glorious linens. 

 I promised him that I would find twin sheets for him and, if he promised to remember that I got him a birthday present, he could use them immediately so as to get into the holiday spirit without delay.  After shaking hands, I went home and searched for said sheets—and while I did find them the “Lodge Sheet” Industry is much much larger than I thought.  We were both overwhelmed with the choices.  I, myself was able to have some instant gratification when I picked up at the store similar (b/c I didn’t want to cruelly buy his sheets) but just as cool green moose, snow, and ever green tree sheets.  And, as a bonus, b/c my walls are red it’s like Christmas morning every day now!

The easy listening station has already started playing Christmas Music all day every day.  Kathi observed yesterday that she had no idea that I had been brain washing her until yesterday she had a great urge to start listing to Christmas music in November—Mission Accomplished (though honestly, I was not subtle about the brain washing. In fact, I’m trying to brain wash you right now.)

Now that my radio is permanently on 106.9, as Becky and I pulled up to drive-thru Starbucks, and I shouted over Silent Night (yes, I see the irony) to give the guy our order.  By the time we got to the window I was in full on giggle mode and proceeded to tell the guy more than he needed to know about my plans, including my intentions to look under Big Bird, Artist for La, la, la, Sing out loud, Sing out proud.

Shana, the birthday girl, had a party at the Orient Express, where in our own personal train car, we sang, like we’ve never sung before.  Only three of us really knew how to use the remote and so we took the liberty of selecting all of the songs that we had heard of… and some that were in Chinese for a surprise.  The video’s and songs were more of Chinese cover singers (although there was one video that seemed to be in Bavaria or Switzerland during the winter… so naturally there was minute of a guy using an industrial snow blower.)   We then passed the mic’s around but really it was just a 6 hours of singing and singing and singing. 

I handed the remote back to Laina and her buddy—who kept looking over to Laina saying “I can pick that.  Blonde Girl is going to get mad again.”  He might not know my name, but he knew my musical affinities. 

Which included my selection of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat.”  As soon as I heard the groans I said “No! Wait! We’re going to do it in a round!”  Which, we did, but then I took pity on them, and pressed next only to get another set of groans.  J 

Becky and I had a bit of an awkward moment seeing each other Monday morning at work after the extremely emotional and heartfelt rendition of Mariah Carey’s “Hero.”  And while the guys might not have none the words, I know the 12 year old girl in all of us was skipping with glee.  I actually think there were tears shed… mostly by me.  It was beautiful.

If you remember that at Luke’s party a couple weeks ago I had to reprimand a kid who was not using the mic properly.  Well, if you didn’t, Becky sure did b/c as soon as she got the mic she started yelling “I love you Tiffany! (tappy tap tap on the mic) I luuuuurrrvveee You!  Tiffany.  Tiffany?  I love you. (tappy tap tap tappy tap.)” Only this time, it took me a while to reprimand her b/c I do love being loved. 

I don’t know how it happened, but at one point I was in two places at once, and it was epic. 

At around 1:30 I told my dear friends that I needed to leave if they expected me to wake up for brunch the next morning.  When I asked (at said brunch) if they has shut the place down they told me that they were belting out a phenomenal rendition of Edelweiss when the lights were thrown on and they were asked to leave. 

At brunch, Liz and Madeline brought their adorable 9 month old baby.  When someone commented on how cute their baby was, Shana corrected them “You mean their “Gayby.”  To which Rach responded. “I don’t like that.  Sounds too much like Scabies.”   This conversation, I kid you not, transition into a conversation about what exactly is in a McRib until the waitress came to take our orders.  We asked for separate checks (unless otherwise indicated.)  The first were two gentlemen, Mark and Bob, who said that they would be sharing a check to which Laina piped in “That’s because they’re gay.”  Mark said, “Yes, my Lover and I will be having…” Bob said, “Ugh that word is worse than Scabies.” 

On the subject of buying a condo or a house:
Shana: You should take the money you would spend on condo dues and use it to pay someone to clean your house and do your yard work.
Laina: I love Mexicans.
Mark: But what if your water heater broke in the middle of the night (I don’t know why you would be showering in the middle of the night.
Shana*: With a Mexican perhaps
Jen*: Who can easily get out and fix that water heater. 

(Actual quotes may vary from reality, but you get the gist.)

Mark: This place is great!  You can run around…
Bob: It’s like a playground!
Jen (to Lily unaware of our comments): This is not a playground. 

 Shana: Hey look! I got a Jesus flash light… to light the Way.

The following day, I received 10 “Michael Angotti tagged you in a picture” notifications and irrationally my first thought was “Two can play at this game Mangotti!” and then I posted this:

Jordan’s cousin Mark asked me to be his first guinea pig as he experimented with a new healing technique that involved a lot of tappy tap tap tapping on various point of your body while chanting.  I think Mark was hoping at had some phobias or deep rooted childhood issues.  When I couldn’t think of any we concentrated on my foot injury and some anger and powerless issues.  I felt slightly more skeptical than a guinea pig should be—but when I walked around after the whole deal my foot felt no pain (it was back this morning, but I got a couple good hours out of it.)  I’m sure he was feeling really successful b/c at one point I started crying… and then by the end of the chant tapping I was laughing.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him that that is just how I get through life. 

Luke baby-sat for the first time on Saturday night.  Before the evening began I asked Luke what he was going to do with them.  He said “Put a movie on?”  I explained that baby-sitting required more effort.  You have to really entertain the kids.  He said, “I thought you just had to make sure they didn’t light themselves on fire.”  The two little boys were dropped off at the house and apparently Lucas totally rocked at making sure they had a blast.  However, I should  have also told him that you needed to prep them before the parents came home by getting their stuff together and cleaning up b/c Dawne was pulling little boy clothes from under furniture last night.  It would appear that pajama change time was also a whirlwind of fun.  J

And finally, I forgot to tell you the best story last week… Matty’s girlfriend Ashley was telling us that she thought it was really distracting that the preacher, during the ceremony, continuously repeated the phrase “You’s Guys” to which Rach said, “I know! It’s “Ya’ll!”

Michael Love, 

T O'B  

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