Thursday, November 11, 2010

Nuptials in a Nutshell

Carla responded to the last story with a simple “PRICELESS.”  I think she missed the point because after getting the result of that mall ticket, the grand total for talking to my mother for 15 minutes was 675 dollars.  That’s rough.  I might have to go down to only 2 lattes a day. 

Now where were we? Ah yes.  Diana McGrath, Jason Erwin and that time that Diana became an Erwin.

As we were wrapping twinkle lights with tulle, Dawne asked Luke if he had learned anything through this whole planning of Diana’s wedding and he quickly replied, “Yep.  You can never have enough tulle.” 

The bachelorette party was on Thursday.  What I found hilarious about this event was that at the bridal shower Diana turned 4 shades of pink and refused to even talk about the lingerie that Rachel had got her and then we threw her a lingerie bachelorette party.  Naturally. 

Dawne took this knowledge to the extreme with notes referring to how she had managed to keep her marriage of 20+ years hot and steamy and then Diana opened the gift to find flannel pajamas, slippers, a huge comfy robe, mittens, a scarf and a hat (I can’t believe a face and eye mask weren’t included to make sure Diana was entirely hidden. 

Early on in the evening, before Rach had arrived I told Cathy that I sprained my ankle bowling (I know—seriously?)  and I couldn’t wait to talk to Dr. Rach.  Cathy said her shoulder was bothering her and perhaps we should take a number for the waiting room.  After we were all given numbers, Diana came over and said she had two aches and wanted to be 7 and 8.   Then, we switched gears.  Diana (after saying, when do I say this? I don’t do this joke thing very often), waited until she had an audience and then asked “Uh, Dr. Rach.  I know that I’m 7 and 8 but could you bump me to number one because I’m the bride and all?” Which was answered by protests from the other patients until Dr. Rach realized what the heck was going on (and Aunt Pat’s “I’m number 5” “Good for you Pat” conversation finally made sense.)

Did I mention that Diana told me not to talk to her friends at the party?  Apparently, I need to keep t o people who get my humor.  Maybe I shouldn’t have made all of those people participate in a public joke perpetuated by yours truly.  What evs.

Jason was hanging out with Diana’s 87 year old father while we were bacheloretting.  They went to the Space Needle and when Jason tried to take a picture with Mr. McGrath’s older model film camera it literally began to smoke and set on fire.  Jason suggested he take the next picture with his camera. 

One of the McGrath sisters was telling us about their mother.  Apparently on her death bed she was talking about her daughters and said “Patti is so incredibly dependable.  Always there for you doing whatever needs to get done.  Nancy is super sweet and you Elizabeth, you don’t bother me.”

The wedding itself was picture perfect… they even got hitched.  J  

Highlights (by T O’B, who decided the pain of sprained ankle deserved some self medication.)

After Diana walked down the aisle; the preacher forgot to tell us to sit down so we stood the whole time. 

We had made a U-Turn on the way to the chapel to pick up the Unity Candle.  While we were in the house, I also grabbed matches.  Stormproof Matches.  During the ceremony, as the candle was being lit Nate turned around to fist bump saying “We made that happen.”  And again, when Jason couldn’t blow out the Storm Proof Matches b/c “We made that happen” too.

Diana and Jason definitely had dance lesson’s before the wedding… which I was happy to solve the mystery of the “Secret Appointments” that Diana had alluded too.  (Why does the word secret make one NEED to know information?) 

I got to sit next to Mark Barrett at the wedding who asked if I wanted to play “Hide the Wedding Bell” when the only place to hide said bell was under the table tent.  After the second round, I was about done with his particular form of entertainment. 

The videographer kept asking me to say something else on his video.  The first take was with 3 other people and he thought I would be funnier with drink on.  I asked him if the 5 minute toast I gave wasn’t enough footage… and he said he wanted something heartfelt.  Hmm.  Well, when I actually got my drink on, I asked to be the final message.  I made him reassure me that this message was strictly between me and Diana and Jason, that NO ONE else would see it.  Said my bit, and then ended with, “Could you get me the videographer’s number.”  He complimented me on my subtle ways, handed me a dum dum lolli-pop, chatted and gave me his number.  Given that all the bridesmaids were checking him out, I was feeling pretty good about myself.  Until I did some internet stalking and it turns out the lolli-pop was specifically a Hey, Dumb, Dumb, I’m gay.” offering.  

Stuff happened since Saturday, but I’m saving it for a rainy (Monday.) 

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