Sweet and Sarcastic: Carpet Beetles Keep Me Company

Hi there!

I’m afraid to look at the last time I sent a “Monday Email” or updated SweetandSarcastic.com. The completion-ist in me didn’t want to skip a week, and then the realist in me realized I was never going to be able to catch up. Maureen said she needed the reading content, though, and apparently I have more time on my hands because I’m not commuting, so let’s give it a go. Either this will be a one time thing, or I’ll get back to it, but maybe in a more manageable way. As I have been officially self-quarantined since March 3^rd, my ability to share quotes and other social iterations is limited, to put it lightly. But *maybe* I can dip into the memories of this week a year or two ago and we can catch up a different way!

Let’s quickly recap the last month:

I thought I was an extrovert, but turns out, give me some books and a couple of projects and I have been just fine on my own. (Though there have been a lot of calls made, and video HH)
Somewhere around week 2, I found an infestation of carpet beetles in my bed. I had to throw out my mattress, bedding, pillows, everything stored under my bed and then spent 3, 12 hour days, washing everything I own and reorganizing.
I will actually “spring clean” if I get grossed out enough.
Got a new “Tuft and Needle – Mint” mattress and it is like sleeping on a dream cloud! (Joey and Scott have the original, so I had to step it up. )
Sadly, we lost my Aunt Maureen this month. Unable to travel to see her before she passed, or get together after, we had a virtual wake. Not perfect, but as Dawne said, definitely not a funeral we’ll forget any time soon.
When I say I’ve been self-quarantining, I really mean it. The first week, I think I might have had Covid-19, and then I haven’t really been out of the house beyond a walk or one drive to see the tulip festival from my car. (Truth be told, I didn’t go to the grocery store before now, so I’m not about to start during a pandemic!)
Ordered an installed a “Tushy” Bidet. My co-worder, Joey has been talking about his Tushy non-stop for two years, so I figured if I was ever going to get one it would be during a TP shortage. (Again, Joey has the original, so I had to step it up with the Spa version that includes a warm water option.) It took me nearly 4 hours to install. Mostly because I didn’t have a drill and had to create a hole in my cabinet using an electric screw driver. Now, I really thought that there was a drill in “Zach’s” room, but when I opened the container that looked like a drill, IT WAS FILLED WITH NERF DARTS. Boy did I get burned on that one. Anyway, felt really accomplished until I woke up the next morning and my bathroom was flooded. I guess I did tighten the bolts to the hot water properly and it slowly leaked… SATURATING 9 ROLLS OF TP! I looked up on the internet if one could salvage TP that had been soaked, the answer was basically “just splurge the 4 bucks and get new TP people.” Boy was that a different time. One call to a plumber, who gauged the price, later and two bolts were tightened. I guess I’m helping the economy where I can!
Percy is in desperate need for a haircut, but I’m terrified of using the electric clippers, so I’ve been working on him in 2 min increments. He’s looking a lil weird now.
Oh, and right before this whole thing, I was in NY for Toy Fair, and then spent fabulous time with Jordan celebrating his 60^th birthday in an elaborate 1920’s themed murder mystery party! Photos of the main event can be found here: https://jubbish.pixieset.com/jordans60thbirthday/

Since none of that was terribly interesting, I’m going back to May 22 – 28^th 2017, in which I just found some NOTES for a Monday email, back when I thought I had better follow through.

Frita’s 80^th Surprise Party!

https://photos.app.goo.gl/kah6KfTTHUhCmQCP7

We tried to have make this a surprise, even though in FEBRUARY Frita pulls me aside and said, “I know you’re planning something and I really don’t want anything big.” To which I said, “Understood, but that’s really not up to you, and I would appreciate you pretending that you don’t know anything.” This was a good conversation to have, it turns out, because Aunt Shirley turned out to be the absolute worst at keeping a secret. So many awesome people were able to come to celebrate, so surprise or not, it was amazing. Here are some funny bits, and some that are kind of funny notes, but I don’t remember the context.

Me: What is this medicine for?

Stacey: Suki (Sean & Stacey’s pup) has diabetes.
Sean: He’s had it for two months
Stacey: Two years
Me: Where did you give the shot?
Stacey: Scruff of his neck.
Sean: I gave two in the kitchen!

Aunt Pat: I live in Puerto Rico
Jackie: Does that mean I'm Puerto rican?

One of my nieces: Two aunts in the same weekend?!
Me: Um you had 4 aunts this weekend but I guess the other aunts don’t count
Niece: Yay us!
Me: You know one of them drove two hours
Niece: You flew here!
Me: Yeah but I don't want Carla to feel bad.
Carla: I took two trains!

Stacey developed “Frozen Shoulder” and so she’s had to sleep on facing different side than she usually does. This is caused a bit of a riff, because she keeps telling Sean to JUST STOP BREATHING. When I asked why they don’t just flip sides, Sean said that wasn’t an option because was afraid of, after sleeping on the same side of the bed for 25 years he would accidentally walk right out the window on his way to the bathroom. Neither option is looking good for Sean, honestly.

As we were carrying the bar outside, Sean turned to Morgan and said, “You know Morgan, this YOUR bar. I built it for you on your first birthday, (for the Captain Morgan Party), and whenever you’re ready you can have it.” So sweet! What every girl gets on her first birthday!

Mo (holding a sangria at 11 am): I'm just really thirsty okay?

Frita: Your mother won't let me wear my Anniversary shirt (meaning the shirt he wore 25 year earlier on his anniversary).
Me: It's your birthday! Want me to put it in my bag for a wardrobe change later?
Frita: Yes.

And here’s where things get fuzzy…

Where are you going?
The garbage.
Can you grab me a beer?
From the garbage?
Anything with more than an inch..

Fairly certain this was in regards to the Jeep:

Wanna take the top down?
Wanna take the doors off?

Where is Kyle? He's good with knives

We’re at Bj’s: Just take your pants off and try them on!

My guess this was in reference to coming back over to Sean’s to help?
130
2
Just come at 2
I'm weak (Again not sure who said that last one, but could have been anyone (mostly me))

Shot in the eye
I have to watch this every week!

And I’ll wrap this up with some of my favorites from this month: