Monday, February 7, 2011

Teacup Full of Scotch

Becky has been harassing her husband to get text messaging added to his phone plan—so he did.  Then she says to me “So now my goal is to make him regret that he got text messaging.”   An example of her plan was when she texted said hubby from the bathroom for him to come upstairs—and then asked him to hand her a book b/c she was going to be in there for a while.  As he left the room she could hear him mumbling “the most ridiculous person alive.”

I got an email from my father this morning: I have finally read your anecdotes and I am wondering about the Freudian comment of "drinking Luke to school"?    Me: I don’t *think* it was significant... but after this morning I’m not entirely sure. 

I told Becky that I have been showering at night and that going to bed with a wet head has caused a daily development of crazy hair every morning that I attempt to tame with a curling iron-or at least transform into crazy curl.  The following day Becky informed me that despite the fact that the day before she had told me that she NEVER goes to bed with a wet head, she did so last night.  Really, Becky? You thought that I sold the whole “showering at night” thing so well you decided to do it yourself?

Dawne had a dream that I made us all very rich by solving the whole showering at night and still having great hair thing… so look out world for my enormously wonderful contribution to society coming to you sooner than you think.  My parents will be so proud.

As I may have mentioned, I brought up my true dismay in D&J’s parenting skills when I discovered that Luke had never seen the Cosby show.  They, without pause, mentioned that I had arrived to Seattle when he was 7 and that I had raised him as much as they had.  Taking this breaking news seriously, we started watching the Cosby show immediately.  Luke has decided emphatically that he is the white version of Theo.  When he asked to watch more of the Cosby Show, Jordan announced that he had a movie for us to watch, Stage Beauty.  I interrupted him with “is it a documentary?”  This was followed by a number of jokes and then an agreement to watch another episode of The Cosby Show before the movie.  By the time we started the movie, I was already sleepy, only to find out it was totally a movie that I would enjoy.  My mockery has foiled me again. 

Luke wanted to work out with me.  I realized shortly after, it was only b/c he wanted to wear his new short shorts (red with white piping) and white knee high socks with 2 red stripes.  Did I mention we were working out in the basement?

Expedia had this party for Chinese New Year so the whole building was going down to partake in the excitement, which meant an enormous amount of traffic in the elevator.  The camaraderie of the other travelers was making it impossible for Becky and I to be the focal point of the elevator.  I looked at Becky in a disturbing panic over our lack of control.  She saved the day by announcing to one and all about her excessive ear mucus. 

While at the mall, I saw these cool globes made out of roses.  Naturally, Luke and I went out immediately to buy supplies to make these circles of awesome.  Our calculations were a little off and we couldn’t finish even a single globe… we were never good at math.

I had brunch with some of my favorite people this weekend.  Partially b/c I hadn’t seen them in a while and partially b/c I had lunch with Jen last week and we were talking about not seeing certain people very often and I wanted to prove that I could, in fact, still hang out with them.  Naturally, when they arrived we were distracted by playing Chinese checkers. Also naturally, I won that game, and the victory was as glorious as the company.

We were chatting about the hotness of Tom Selleck the other night, which made me want to have a Three Men and a Baby and Three Men and a Little Lady party.  I lasted less than 18 hours before I decided I couldn’t wait.  So we watched that instead of the Super Bowl.  Don’t worry, I caught the last 2 minutes of the game and watched the commercials on Hulu so I’m all caught up with society. 

Luke: So we can make donuts later.
Me: Later, but not later today.
Luke: Later is a very ambiguous term.
Me: I realize that, but you when you say it you mean later as in as soon as possible.
Luke: You don’t know that.
Me: Yes, I do.  We also have to get Biscuits.
Luke: Biscuits.  That’s another ambiguous term.

--Later (that day)—

Luke: Can we make Donuts?

Missy: So my grandmother is sitting there with a teacup full of scotch…
Shana: And now you have the name of your memoirs “A Teacup Full of Scotch.”

Laina: It’s Aluminum Foil, not Tin Foil.  They haven’t made it with Tin in 100 years.
Me: I’m not going to stop calling it Tin Foil. 
Laina: Okay, but you’re wrong.  I had to tell you b/c it drives me crazy, and also, you’re wrong.
Me: Why would I say Aluminum when I can say Tin and you still know what I’m talking about? And just for that, I’m going to call the refrigerator an “Ice Box”

 This song is for you Laina, please select “Lunch time – Board of Education” for musical magic.

Becky brought in cupcakes today with little Steelers toppers.  I asked her, “Do these cupcakes taste different because of the extra saltiness from your tears?”

Went to Missy and Charles’ for a Chinese New Year’s Party on Saturday in which we were all supposed to write down our sins on a piece of paper and then we would literally burn away our sins.  Naturally, I had a hard time coming up with sins, but after baking mini donuts with Luke that afternoon and eating them like tic-tac’s, I wrote down “Gluttony” and then wrote “Anger” as a second sin.  I realized that the people at the party were focused on the seven deadly sins from the movie instead of, you know, the Ten Commandments.  Perhaps I should have added associating with heathens to the list? :P  Laina decided she needed to put “Too Sexy” on her piece of paper.  I told her that wasn’t really a sin seeing as how God made her that way.  On an unrelated note, she also dropped her phone onto the cupcakes.  I can’t remember the circumstances, but I can only imagine it was b/c she was distracted by the two shiny engagement rings she had pilfered from Jen and Missy. 

Kevin: I want to go snowboarding instead of skiing.
Maureen: Why?
Kevin: B/c Nana got me a snowboard for Christmas.  What do you want me to do just stare at it forever in the back yard?

Back in college, I was hopelessly in love with this guy (emphasis on hopelessly).  My friend Janette was going down to where he lived (a couple states away) and I gave her a gift and a disposable camera, and had her take pictures and hide the gift somewhere in the city in which the guy lived.  I then sent him a letter with a picture clue every day for two weeks.  I was stoked about my awesome plan because a) I thought I was soooo clever and b) b/c then it would look like I went all the way down to where he lived and didn’t bother to call him which left me in a fit of giggles.  Only, he ended up getting all of the letters on the same day and by the time he got to the place, the gift was gone.  (I had sent a set of keys, insinuating that I had stashed a car somewhere, when really it was keys to a safe that held a matchbox car version of his favorite car.)  Completely dejected and disappointed over the complete failure of this birthday project, I never wanted to talk about it again.  The other day, this same guy told me he made a reference to me in a magazine.  The reference?  Most romantic thing someone has done for you: Someone created a birthday scavenger hunt for me.  So, even if my most romantic gesture ended up being a complete failure on multiple fronts, the fact that he thought it was sweet, is pretty sweet.   (This will be the first “sweet” entry of  I was bound to show my other side eventually.)

While at lunch with Jen and Becky, I mention that I never just invite people over to watch something.
Jen: Sure you do! Remember that one time and everyone came?
Me: You mean that time that everyone said no, and then they all magically showed up when someone broke up with their boyfriend?
Jen: Oh yea.  That time. But to be fair, we would all have showed up if you broke up with someone.
Me: I guess we’ll never know.
(Jen and Becky cracking up with laughter.)
Becky: Oh wait, we mean, you’ll find someone honey.

I was talking to D&J yesterday about my friend who was adamant against real diamonds and had a power point (that I still don’t want to see) about why people should only buy synthetic diamonds.  Dawne was very adamant about real diamonds b/c she believes that an engagement ring is the first time a man buys something that he can’t afford for someone else and it proves that he can support her and their future children.  She also said she would be really unhappy if I came home with an engagement that wasn't a real diamond. 
Luke: I don’t think it matters what the ring is made out of plastic, metal, whatever. It’s just a symbol that you’ll be spending your life together forever.
Me: Whoa. Hey now! Forever.  Which means I don’t want a Cracker Jack ring that is going to disintegrate in the shower or leave a green ring around my finger.  I have some standards… not high, but some. 
Dawne: Jordan, seriously, what would you say if Tiffany came home with a fake diamond?
Jordan: I think I’d say that we need to find her a different room b/c her room isn’t big enough for two people.
Dawne: You aren’t taking this seriously.

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