Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Elemental Solutions

You know how couples will have cute little pet names for each other? Well, Becky’s husband has come up with an endearment over the years.  It is “You are the most ridiculous person I know.”  And turns out, the more Becky talks about me, the more I am becoming the  2nd most ridiculous person he knows.  The other day Becky was trying to get this phone charm on to a phone that does not actually have a place for a phone charm and ended up hooking the charm on without actually clasping it.  However, she also could not remove the charms so she figured it was fine and she was going to leave it.  Her husband, frustrated with her “lazy solution” to the problem, picked it up and tried to take the charm off—only couldn’t and sighed saying “You are the most ridiculous person alive.”  But, didn’t he just prove, that in fact, she isn’t ridiculous at all?

Me: I’m not going to be so ridiculous when I go into the doctor tomorrow and don’t come back.
Becky: Ya. I’m going to get a call from the doctor and they’ll be like “Sorry.  We had to put her down.”
Me:  And the first thing you’ll do is crack up.
Becky: Totally.  And then I’ll be sad… that I have to find a new work friend.

I went to the doctor and when they tried to get the radioactive die into me before the CT scan, they couldn't find a vein and inserted the needle 6 times… so basically I was joking around until I started crying (which is a lot like the rest of how I live my life) and the guy had to come over and wipe away the tears pouring down my face.  They also they pumped me up with Barium and then had me follow that up with Magnesium—when I told Evivova she was like “How many elements are they going to make you try? Should I get you a periodic table so you can keep track—maybe you can collect them all!”   

While watching Pretty Woman:

Lucas: I want to work at a fancy restaurant.
Me: So you can judge people?
Lucas: No.  So I can be nice to the prostitutes when they come in like that guy was.

Vivian:  Baby, I am gonna be so good to you, you’re never gonna wanna let me go.
Edward: 6 days, 3,000 dollars, and Vivian, I will let you go.
Lucas: Only, he doesn’t.

This guy at a music store was saying telling Luke’s friend that he has the least experience in the store… only 25 years.  Luke, after he told me this story, said “You know what that is? E Freakin Thos.”

Whilst telling a story on Sunday night Laina started a story saying “I realized when my breast landed on the railroad….”  The next day, she recapped the story to make sure that I had all the details properly—only she completely skimmed over the breasts on the railroad part so I guess I’m going to have to tell the story my way. 

So a while back, Laina met this guy who was dating someone else and started talking to him—and while there wasn’t anything physical, she was having an emotional relationship with him.  One day, her sister asked if she wanted to go for a run.  So they were running along the beach when she fell down a bulkhead & landed with her knockers on the railroad track breaking her ribs.  As she was laying there with cracked ribs and crying in pain she and her sister were also laughing about how this incident was totally Karma.  Only, when she told someone else that Karma broke her ribs, the person was like “Is Karma the guy’s girlfriend?”

I forgot to mention that last week, when I texted Rach about what was happening that day, she texted back “I’m currently in the fetal position on my bathroom floor trying not to get sick.”  That’s right, texted while curled up on the bathroom floor—now that’s a girl who wouldn’t leave you hanging. 

Also, last week, Shana conned me into writing a recommendation letter to nominate her to get a new kitchen, truly proving both my love for Shana and my excellent fabrication skills because I think we all know I could care less about people’s kitchens. 

My friend introduced me to her friend the other day saying “He was my first boyfriend, took me to prom, and 9 months later he took my virginity.” 

I had an interview with this “Event and Adventures Club” which is basically this group of all singles who go to events that are organized all over the area and also bigger trips etc.  I thought it sounded fun and figured I would check it out.  When I got to the interview, I realized that I was not the type of person who normally walked through the doors as the guy interviewing me was clearly trying to figure out why I was there.  He was shocked that I already had friends and that I do fun things, and according to the initial tests I seemed to be a well-adjusted, happy, entertaining and social person.  He spent quite some time floundering around with questions trying to get to bottom of the case of why I would even think about joining.  The very fact, that I was a unique makes me seriously doubt the quality of people who are in this club. Plus, you have to join without a trial period.  I wanted to tell them that even Sororities let you meet the members before you buy your friends.  However, I did really appreciate that, at least in the eyes of Events and Adventures I appear to be doing okay.  Validation achieved. 

We also went to a wine bar the other night and not only were we the only ones there for the last 2 hours, but we kept them open for an extra 15 minutes.  I’m sure Chad, who we continuously called out to whenever we needed any little thing, adored our extended visit. 

When my nieces came home today, their dog had thrown up so the two older sisters paid the youngest sister 7 dollars to clean it up.  Classic.

Becky’s Ring of Rejection story:
So, Becky’s brother's friend, lost in the throes of young love, decides to buy a ring and propose to his woman.  Said young woman accepts his proposal, but continues a secret relationship with a different guy on the side.  She eventually came clean with the friend and gave him his ring back.  Becky’s brother, noticing that his friend now had a surplus engagement ring, buys the ring off of him.  He takes the ring and proposes to the girl he was dating at the time.  After about a month, he realizes that she was freaking nutzo crazy and asks for the ring back.  Now he's short on cash, so he sells the ring to a different buddy of his who uses it to propose to his girl.  Lo and behold, she accepts and they plan the wedding!  But a week before the wedding they realize that they really don't want to spend the rest of their lives with the other and break it off.  Considering the amount of money spent on a wedding that didn't happen, my brother's buddy hoped to recoup some of his losses.  He finds out where the ring was originally purchased and RETURNS it!  Now, there's some horribly cursed engagement ring out there that some hopeless sap is going to buy not knowing that he's just doomed his chances! And this is the story that Becky thought would be entertaining to tell her brother’s girlfriend when she met her for the first time over Christmas. 

Last week I also invited over 200 people to Luke's gig and basically the core 25 people showed up--ya know--my real friends.  I was feeling pretty horrid for a couple days b/c of the elements, but I got up extra early to drive Luke to school anyway.  While I was lying on the couch watching Grey's Anatomy, Luke asked if I could help him with his debate to which I immediately said "No."  When he complained about my response I was like "are you kidding me? do you have any any idea how much I've done for you this week?" and he replied, "Don't you understand that this is a Take, Take relationship?"  Cute.

1 comment:

  1. LOL, you need to know that this is my husband's official response to our retelling:

    "I'm not sure that flow of events and the interpretation of them adequately reflects the source of my opinion on the matter."